— Jessica Simpson

while accepting an award at the Gracies (which honor women in radio and TV) on Tuesday. Also, she was "called to the ministry" at church camp when she was 13, telling her parents: "I can change the world. Somehow." [Us]
Two Women Arrested For Allegedly Smuggling Crystal Meth In Bible
The ladies were trying to give the meth-filled Holy Book to a man in prison. The dude's been jailed since October… for drug-related crimes. Maybe he was confused about the concept of "higher" power? [SF Gate]
God's Little Princess Devotional Bible Teaches Girls Rigid Gender Roles
The description for God's Little Princess Devotional Bible reads: "Girls long to be loved and adored, and give their heart to their hero." CaitieCat of Shakesville replies: "I have no words and I must scream." Well, I have words:
This Year, Does Christmas Seem Like A Waste Of Money?
Oh, Christ…
This guy just changed his first name to "In God" and his last name to "We Trust." He lives in Zion, which is a suburb of Chicago. He is an artist. This is his first painting signed under his new name; he painted it even before the judge approved the change because, ha ha, he trusted. His other paintings are all…
Purity Balls: Ruining Young Girls One White Rose At A Time
Even the most open-minded person can see some other culture's ritual and think to herself, "Well that is just weird. And creepy. And weird." Which is how you may feel if you read the story in the New York Times about purity balls. And yes, there is a
freakshow
slideshow. Here's the gist of it: Grade school- to…
Cosmo Girl!: Match Your Religion With Your MySpace Wallpaper!
Men are... immeasurably interested in acquiring fixed ideas of God, of the soul, and of their common duties to their Creator and to their fellow men. This is, then, the subject on which it is most important for each of us to entertain fixed ideas; and, unhappily, it is also the subject on which it is most difficult…
One Thing Is Certain: Right Now, Yale University & Aliza Shvarts '08 Are 100% Annoying
I seem to be the only one of the Jezebels online and — lucky for me! — now we're hearing that Aliza Shvarts is disputing Yale University's claim that her performance piece was a work of fiction. Reports the Yale Daily News:
Oh, Christ. Anyway, interested (and still-awake) readers can learn more . I, for one, have had…Oh, Christ.
Sister Barbara Markey, a Roman Catholic nun, has pleaded guilty of stealing from the Omaha Archdiocese and gambling the money away. Sister Barbara stole more than $1,500 and faces up to 20 years in prison when she is sentenced in July. This report doesn't say what she was gambling on, but we hope it wasn't something…
Oldies But Goodies
In 1976, in the vein of True Religion or For All Mankind, there was a brand called Jesus Jeans. And the image at left was an actual ad. Lord! Literally! So many questions! Such as: What's with the well-lit bodyhair? The open zipper? The outie? And uh, begging forgiveness, Heavenly Father, cuz maybe this is a sin so…
"He Took Me In His Arms, And Staring Into My Eyes, He Said Words That Took My Breath Away"
Sometimes the Lord knows when you need an uplifting email in your inbox, and Lord, thou hath choseth an auspicious day. Perhaps, readers, recent sudden public marital undoings have stirred up those lingering doubts, those damaging "Enlightenment" era thoughts about the fundamental alienation present within every…
