During the final countdown of Mary and Matthew's courtship on Downton Abbey, I started screaming at my television for them to just get a room — hell, even a broom closet — so that they could FINALLY have the hot and heavy feel-up (or even just a prolonged under-the-table handholding!) that their yearning glances were…

A high school senior has written a petition protesting her school's new ban on physical contact beween students. She writes: "I am insulted by the presumption that I'm too immature to decide which kind of touches are appropriate for school."