Professional Dipshit Writes Bizarrely Sexist Screed Against Cable Host

Earlier this week, Crossfire, the ancestral home of partisan cable TV shouting, returned to CNN because apparently no one has any new ideas for a TV debate show that isn't bad. And while reviews for the the program's zombie reanimation were tepid-to-negative, one in particular stuck out for its confusingly enraged… » 9/10/13 4:00pm 9/10/13 4:00pm

Snooki & Newt Gingrich Become BFFs as Apocalypse Draws Nigh

Last night, Jay Leno interviewed both current Jersey Shore Madonna With Child Snooki and once and always pompous pain in the ass Newt Gingrich. Two totally different expressions of everything that is wrong with America, on a show hosted by a guy who probably appeals to people who appreciated the Garfield movie. And… » 7/19/12 10:50am 7/19/12 10:50am

Clever Birthers Erect an 'Obama Presidential Library' Outhouse Complete…

If you thought Mitt Romney had a terrible sense of humor, just wait until you hear what truly unfunny shit his Republican compatriots in Montana did this weekend. During the Montana GOP convention—which, by the way, featured Newt Gingrich as its keynote speaker—some "clever" tricksters erected an outhouse outside of… » 6/17/12 11:00pm 6/17/12 11:00pm

Newt Gingrich Bitten by Penguin Egged on by the Liberal Media

I'm just going to cut to the chase here: on Friday, Newt Gingrich's hand required bandaging after it was injured by an angry penguin. And just for fun, let's see that sentence again: On Friday, Newt Gingrich's hand required bandaging after it was injured by an angry penguin. Rumor has it, that penguin is now on Mitt… » 4/16/12 7:00pm 4/16/12 7:00pm

When the Going Gets Tough, Mitt Romney Wins Delegates and Rick Santorum…

Well, as expected, the Romneytron 3000 secured a few more primary victories tonight. Mitt won in Maryland, the District of Columbia, and in the great state of Wisconsin. For his part, Rick Santorum didn't win jack, but he did manage to get a hell of a lot of bowling in while trying. During his campaign in Wisconsin… » 4/03/12 9:45pm 4/03/12 9:45pm

When Is It Okay to Use the 'It Was a Joke' Defense? When It Was an…

Because the world is a stupid garbage place, Robert De Niro has apologized for the joke he made Monday night at a presidential fundraiser, in which he questioned whether or not the country is "ready for a white first lady." Newt Gingrich was sooooooo personally offended by the public acknowledgement of racial… » 3/21/12 6:00pm 3/21/12 6:00pm

Mitt Romney Delivers Useless Blow to Rick Santorum in Illinois

Mitt Romney has been projected to win the Illinois primary tonight by an impressive margin. This was expected, but nevertheless, Romney's pride and joy circuits are probably blowing out as we speak. Of course, Santorum will continue his quixotic quest for the presidency undaunted. Why would he do such a thing—other… » 3/20/12 9:05pm 3/20/12 9:05pm

A Nation Winces As Santorum Wins Alabama and Mississippi

Lord help us all. Tonight Rick Santorum won both the Alabama and Mississippi primaries, adding more slimy, frothy fuel to the loosely contained forest fire that is his campaign. While this probably won't matter much in the long run—except for further damaging the idea that Mitt Romney can appeal to voters in the… » 3/13/12 11:30pm 3/13/12 11:30pm

Super Tuesday Is a Wash as Romney Finally Wins Ohio

After a long night of being too close to call, Ohio has finally been declared a Romney win. Mittens also clinched his adopted home state of Massachusetts, as well as Vermont, Virginia, and Idaho. But it wasn't the total momentum-building success he was hoping for. Rick Santorum took Tennessee, Oklahoma, and North… » 3/07/12 12:30am 3/07/12 12:30am

Here are Those Republican Candidate Action Figures No One Asked For

Now that a toy manufacturer has unleashed upon the world action figure versions of the Republican Presidential candidates, gay, politically aware little boys with conservative parents who won't let them play with Barbies can finally stage the Action Figure Rick Santorum/Action Figure Newt Gingrich Makeout Party of… » 2/28/12 2:00pm 2/28/12 2:00pm

The Great Republican WTF-Bee Continues With Stupidest Debate Yet

Just in case you missed them, last night, the Republican candidates for President blazed onstage in Arizona, for another debate, an opportunity for conservatives to make assholes of themselves on national television. Mitt got hypocritical, Newt got condescendingly pedantic, Ron got overlooked, and Santorum got… » 2/23/12 11:25am 2/23/12 11:25am

Before Rick Santorum Was a Raging Asshole, He Was Pro-Choice

At this point, Rick Santorum has yammered on about so many things that sometimes we feel like we know him better than we know ourselves. (This saddens us, and makes us want to know ourselves better.) But Lil' Richard still has some surprises up his sleeve! Some digging has revealed that he has a very dark secret… » 2/22/12 11:00am 2/22/12 11:00am

Callista Gingrich Finally Opens Her Mouth and Is Not Totally Terrible

The only thing most of us know about Callista Gingrich is that she has a frighteningly perfect blonde bob—well, that and she was totally happy to be lying in bed with her lover Newt while he talked on the phone to his wife. Now that they're legit in the eyes of God, she's always at Newt's side during events, yet she… » 2/20/12 12:00pm 2/20/12 12:00pm

Newt Gingrich's Sexy Valentine's Day Plans Could Very Well Ruin Yours

There are a few things it's fun to imagine Newt Gingrich doing: sitting in a dunk tank, riding in a hot air balloon with family of goats, or having to take a nap on a display bed in a crowded IKEA, for example. And there are a lot of things we'd rather not see him do—governing the country is the first thing that comes… » 2/13/12 11:55pm 2/13/12 11:55pm