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3,000 Upstaters Want to Commit Economic Suicide by Seceding From New York

That attractive graphic up there represents a plan put forth by a group of liberty lovers who’d like to see New York state split into two “autonomous regions”: New York, below, composed of the city plus Long Island and Westchester and Rockland Counties, and New Amsterdam, above, composed of everything else. If that… »8/29/15 5:43pmSaturday 5:43pm

Disquieted By Titties, New York Considers Shutting Down Times Square Plazas

Beset by bare bosoms, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio said Thursday he’s considering closing down the pedestrian plazas in Times Square. The plazas—a collection of indescribably filthy metal tables marooned in an island of asphalt—are currently a popular place for exhausted, heat-stroked tourists to sink down as… »8/20/15 7:10pm8/20/15 7:10pm

Jorge Ramos Asks to Interview Donald Trump, Trump Responds Trumpishly

Four-time bankruptcy filer and seething hernia mass Donald Trump said that all Mexicans crossing the border into the United States are rapists and criminals, so Univision wisely chose to sever their ties with the Trump Organization. On Thursday, Jorge Ramos of Univision politely requested an interview with Trump, who… »6/26/15 3:10pm6/26/15 3:10pm

New York Wants Sexual Assaults To Appear on Students' Permanent Records

New York state is proposing new legislation that would require college transcripts to note when a student has been found responsible for sexual assault. The measure, which is currently only required in Virginia, would help put a stop to students being able to transfer schools without the new institution knowing about… »6/19/15 9:50am6/19/15 9:50am

Hero Dog Lunges in Front Of Bus to Protect His Blind Owner

Brace yourselves for the river of cryface you are about to endure. A legally-blind woman from Putnam County, New York named Audrey Stone was crossing the street with her service dog, Figo, when a mini school bus began coming towards them. Figo sensed danger and immediately moved from the right side of Stone to her… »6/09/15 11:45pm6/09/15 11:45pm

Murderers Who Escaped from Prison May Have Been Aided by Female Worker

An unnamed source is claiming to the New York Post that Richard Matt and David Sweat, the two convicted murderers who escaped Saturday from an upstate New York prison, had help from a female employee at the facility. The men cut through several layers of steel, brick, and mortar with ill-gotten power tools, which they… »6/08/15 2:15pm6/08/15 2:15pm

Police Use Waiter's DNA to Connect Him to a Loogie in a Customer's Cup

A waiter at a Chili’s near Syracuse, New York was charged with disorderly conduct last year after hocking what sounds like a fairly enormous loogie into a customer’s drink. The Syracuse Post-Standard reports that the crime of spittery was pinned on the waiter using DNA matching. Great news for spit justice, less great… »6/04/15 8:00pm6/04/15 8:00pm

How Racism Is Driving New York City's Gentrification

With the snow finally thawed and spring officially in full gear, New York is back in the swing of things and residents are remembering why they endure five months of tundra bullshit and exorbitant rent to live in (maybe) the greatest city in the world. Now that spirits are high again, it seems like a good time to look… »5/12/15 4:10pm5/12/15 4:10pm

NY Governor Andrew Cuomo Plans to Raise Fast Food Wages On His Own

Yesterday, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo put the fast food industry on notice when he proposed to raise fast food wages in the Empire State through use of an appointed “Wage Board,” circumventing the state legislature. But do such powers fall under his purview? Actually, most likely yes. »5/07/15 9:15pm5/07/15 9:15pm

Uber Took Nearly a Week to Give Police Name of Sexually Harassing Driver

On April 30, a 31-year-old New York woman took an Uber home around 2:30 a.m. from her DJ gig on the Lower East Side. The woman, who we’re not identifying by name, says she fell asleep in the car and awoke to find her driver caressing her face. The woman says the driver then jumped in the back of the car and tried to… »5/06/15 5:00pm5/06/15 5:00pm

Kayaker Vanishes, Fiancee Charged with Murder After Mysterious Accident

The fiancée of a missing man from Upstate New York has been charged with murder, after police came to doubt her story that his kayak had capsized during a night trip down the Hudson River. Angelika Graswald, 35, said that her fiancéVincent Viafore, 46, had been pulled under around 7:30 p.m. during an April 19 trip,… »5/01/15 1:00pm5/01/15 1:00pm

Shock Jock Suspended for Gross Comments About City Council Speaker 

Curtis Sliwa, a radio host and all-purpose “personality,” has been suspended from his regular commentating gig on New York 1 because he can’t stop telling the public about how badly he wants to have sex with New York City Council Speaker Melissa Mark-Viverito. He recently described the speaker as “extraordinarily hot.” »4/29/15 7:40pm4/29/15 7:40pm