If weather advisories give you the unshakeable impression that someone is shrieking at you about pollen counts and flash flood warnings, you’re in good company. And so, to appease the public, the National Weather Service will quiet down — that is, they’ll stop typing in all caps.
It is the second-to-last week in February and here on the east coast of these United States, it feels like winter will never end. All the joy is gone. And I am very sorry, but cheeky jokes about winter are no longer funny, because the relentlessly biting cold has frozen my sense of humor.
There's a real doozy of a blizzard barreling toward the northeast. Consequently, many residents of the eastern seaboard received very urgent calls from their mothers this morning, asking about their commuting plans and battery stockpiles and wool socks and canned goods.
According to freeloading rodents Punxsutawney Phil and Staten Island Chuck, America has six weeks of winter left. And honestly? I'm not sure we're going to make it. It's been so cold for so long that The Shining is starting to look like a documentary. Will this stupid frigid weather ever end?
Perhaps you have been wondering why a big chunk of the country has been without power for the last several days? Your answer: we were struck by a land hurricane. Yes, a land hurricane. For some reason, that sounds far more mysterious and menacing than a regular hurricane—sort of like a land shark is to a regular…