Not one to overlook opportunity, director Darren Aronofsky unveiled the first poster for his upcoming film, Mother!, on—but of course—Mother’s Day. Featuring a waxen-faced, vestal Jennifer Lawrence, the image grinds against the maudlin conventions of the day. Take a quick look, and you’ll see why.

I did not handle Donald Trump’s victory well.

There are more than 43 million mothers in the United States. This is how we treat them.

I went to New York to interview for a job on HLN’s Nancy Grace in September of 2008, fewer than 48 hours after my mother’s funeral. When I tell people that, they always widen their eyes. I can tell what they want to ask me: “So your mom’s funeral wasn’t even the worst day of that week?”

According to Hallmark, a company whose greeting card statistics I trust, 113 million Mother’s Day cards are sent every year. According to my mother, a woman whose opinions on Mother’s Day I trust, the best Mother’s Day gift is a handwritten card. So if you are one of the 113 million Americans who plans on sending a…

So KFC has decided, all casual like, to drop a romance novel featuring the one and only Colonel Sanders in honor of Mother’s Day this year, and I am just staring at my computer with my mouth open, my eyes brimming with tears. I’m honestly overwhelmed, y’all. I have never been so horrified and yet delighted in my…

Most moms are content to spend Mother’s Day being doted on by their well-meaning families: The sloppily-served eggs in bed, the unintelligible drawings, the poems with rhymes so tortured you can hear them scream.

The last time my mother and I had an actual conversation was on Mother’s Day 2014, when she told me that I shouldn’t have bothered calling her. Switching between Russian and heavily accented English, she said it was insulting for me to wish her well on this holiday when I hadn’t done anything to make her a happy…

Those of you celebrating Mother’s Day this weekend are probably spending today finalizing plans for a delightful Sunday brunch, crossing your fingers in the hopes that your card arrives on time, or setting a reminder on your phone so that you don’t forget to call.

Mother’s Day, the unfathomably bad new ensemble comedy by Garry Marshall, ends with a blooper reel. It’s not a particularly good blooper reel, but there is one great moment—perhaps the only good moment of the entire film. In it, Julia Roberts is seen in character (complete with that hideous wig) staring out the window…

Julia Roberts wears a wig in Mother’s Day, the latest in a string of avant-garde films from famed director Garry Marshall. But the unholy bob atop her head is not a new wig plucked from a discount hair emporium shortly before filming. It is an old wig. In fact, it is a wig Roberts herself has worn before.

From Harper’s Bazaar’s Laura Brown comes another floridly written celebrity profile, this time featuring Jennifer Aniston and a very large bird.

Oh, look. Another Garry Marshall ensemble comedy about a holiday that typically (and understandably) doesn’t have movies made about it in which actors of varying degrees of fame are thrown into a Vitamix along with a screenplay written by a robot, pureed until reaching the consistency of chunky vomit, and lit like a…

For Mother’s Day, Mariah’s manager gifted her with a thousand-dollar cake dusted in real gold, crafted in the shape of a size eight platform stiletto heel with a strap in the shape of a butterfly. The only way this cake would be more perfectly Mariah is if it were delivered and consumed within the magical confines of…