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crappy hour
Posts Tagged “
Mitt Romney
”
crappy hour
news roundup
Eliot Spitzer Clings To Goober-natorial Position
- Eliot Spitzer was fucking hookers the whole time he was fucking Wall Street assholes, maybe even longer, and he still hasn't resigned, probably because he is such a whore he wants to soak up the whole week's news cycle for himself and make us all forget there's a campaign to cover... [NY Post]
- So yeah, as you can imagine, that was enough time for a few of the girls to figure out who the fuck he was. [NY Post]
- And the investigation began as all great investigations do: suspicious movements of cash near a Dunkin Donuts. [NYT]
- Oh, crap! A primary tonight! In Mississippi. Obama is expected to win, but it's the margin that counts; if he wins 19 out of 33 delegates he can cancel out all Hillary's gains in Ohio & Texas. Seems doable, right? Says a black restaurant owner of Obama's success: "You can't believe it. It's the greatest thing since salt." [WSJ]
- So, normally the market would have gone crazyyyy just on account of Eliot Spitzer getting stripped of every last shred of his dignity but today it needed the Fed to promise to print new money and give it to banks or something. [WSJ]
- This is good because bankers don't have much to do with no money. "Some bankers in the lending business are reporting to work two days a week. 'If they say they're busy, they're lying,' said one head of investment banking." [WSJ]
crappy hour
Alex P. Keaton Endorses NAFTA-Loving Obama!
It's Super Twosday, fellow workers! Two Democratic primaries could end — or breathe life into! — the Hillary campaign tonight, and so the timing seems somewhat suspicious (or maybe just auspicious! for whom? no idea!) that conservative hero Alex P. Keaton, champion of Reaganomics and wearing ties to school, would choose today to endorse Barack Obama. Was it Barry's economist's little rendevous with that Canadian consular officer that did it for Alex? Did Michelle's college thesis awaken Alex's inner Princetonophile? Or is it all just a personal jab at doubting Rush Limbaugh's sudden plea for his listeners to vote Hillary? Will this soap opera ever end?? (Oh god, please!) A serious discussion of why the black JFK can win over the nation's most beloved fictional supply-sider but not the Catholic vote with me and fellow Catholic Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier, after the jump! More »
crappy hour
Adieu, Mitt Hottie! Think You Were Just Too Wholesome?
Really, Ann Romney? A white suit? Like you weren't white enough already? Like you weren't already so white you actually managed to be too white for the Republican Party? The Romneys sort of remind me of a really hot student dentist I went to once, who told me I had six cavities but that he didn't want to fill any of them until I used a teeth-bleaching kit — he made the mold for me for free and everything! — so that my teeth would match the filling. He showed me a strip of colors, each representing a different shade of teeth whiteness. "See the whitest white?" he asked. "This bleaching kit will actually get you whiter than the whitest white on this paper. My teeth are actually three shades whiter than the whitest white. And your teeth could be at least two shades whiter!" "Uh, do you also drink five cups of coffee a day, guy?" I asked. He didn't drink coffee. I bet he was Mormon! Discussion of all that and Chaka Khan, with your regulars Moe and Megan Carpentier, inside. More »
political tidings
We Watch Super Tuesday So You Can Focus on American Idol
Ladies, this is going to go on all tonight and into the wee hours of the morning given that California's polls don't close until 11:00 ET and everyone expects that one to be close. But, we here at Jezebel understand that there are more important things on TV tonight and that, holy hell, watching pundits for hours makes one's soul bleed. So, in between my Super Tuesday analysis tonight, I'll be watching so you don't have to. The raw results start after the jump. More »
hate the game not the player
A Little Gamemanship In Appalachia
West Virginia does things just a little differently than the rest of us. For instance, they've got 30 pledged delegates, but, oh no, they don't just allow the Republican voters of West Virginia elect them. They hold a convention with the big party people, and then they let those conventioneers vote to whom 18 of the state's delegates will go now and, then in May, they'll let the rest of the voters pick who get the other 9, after there's no one but the main guy left in the race (plus, they'll have 3 unpledged delegates). So, after the first round of balloting this morning, Romney was leading but didn't have the 50% he needed to win, so the convention broke for lunch. When they came back, only 10 people voted for McCain, and the rest... for Huckabee. McCain's people were so determined to deny Romney those 18 delegates that he had his people tell everyone to vote for Huckabee, not their consciences, to give himself a better chance of winning the delegate race today. Romney's naturally crying foul, but what's Mr. Helmet Hair Venture Capital going to do about it? [Charleston Gazette]
politics of style
When It Comes To Politics, Do Clothes Make The Man?
Super Tuesday is tomorrow! Will the aesthetics, not the ideas, of the assembled candidates affect how you vote? (Are you voting???) After all, even the mainstream press is focusing on the candidates' fashions, and we don't just mean the female candidates. Hillary, of course, gets a shout out — International Herald Tribune writer Suzy Menkes points outthat Clinton, a fan of the pantsuit, may be headed for hard times ahead as dresses and skirts will dominate this spring — but the real losers this time, are the men, specifically the Republican contenders. In fact, John McCain's Bill Cosby sweaters and Mitt Romney's rolled-up shirt-sleeves are now officially part of the "national dialogue"! After the jump, what some half-wit "experts" employed by Reuters have to say about the male candidates and their sartorial choices. More »
crappy hour
Schwarzenegger To Endorse John McCain, The Manliest Man Candidate (Who Is Impotent, But Whatevs)
Grrrrrrrrrr. John McCain HA-HA-HATES!! Mitt Romney. Which brings up an interesting little factamundo about this campaign. We've been paying alllllll this attention to the latent misogyny, the latent sexism, the prospect of a woman commander-in-chief, whether women who hate Hillary have probs with women, yawn — when over in the Terminator State last night, the debate was all about McCain looking at Mitt Romney and seeing a straight-arrow pussy who never got drunk, never fucked a whore, and was serving his Mormon mission in France of all places while he was in the Hanoi Hilton. And that's why conservatives (who are not Arnold Schwarzenegger) so loathe McCain, the man who gives them the shot they never deserved (understatement!) at the 2008 election. He is an affront to the very MANHOOD they love so very much they want to marry it. After the jump, Megan Carpentier and I probe the not-so-subtle role of dudehood in the election that could very well turn out to be a showdown between Dreams From My Father and Faith Of My Fathers. Oh yeah, and Britney Spears. More »
news roundup
McCain Wins Rudy!
- Oh yeah, and Florida too. Wonder if Giuliani has any of those $9.11 donations left to inject into the old guy's campaign coffers? [AP]
- Hillary wins Florida too but feminists don't believe in beauty contests...or...um. [Wash Post]
- An alternative way to bask in the success of the troop surge this eve, if you have HBO. [Wash Post]
- The question isn't whether Gore wants to endorse Obama, but whether he "has the self-control" not to. [NY Mag]
- The question isn't whether Carter doesn't find Obama "titillating", but...titillating, really Jim? [WSJ]
- Two-month-old in China becomes World's youngest political prisoner! [NYT]
- Lynn Spears and her prodigal spawn: like something out of the Redneck Bible! [US Weekly]
- Could an individual be more deserving of riches than Corey Delaney? [Reuters]
mitt romney
Mittens Should Be Seen And Not Heard
My fellow Americans, some men were put on this earth to be seen and not heard, and I hereby present to you video evidence that the Romneys seem to be cut from this cloth. This thought may have occurred to you before — maybe when he posed the question of a group of African American citizens on Monday as to "who let the dogs out." Or when he chastised John McCain for turning "the pharmaceutical industry into the bad guys" or stammered all that bullshit about blah blah he never had relations with that lobbyist. Or when you read hunky Josh Romney's blog post about how he devilishly, and at age 32, recently short-sheeted his parents' bed But there's an answer, folks: see how much better they get when they're speaking French so you can't understand them? Or if you turn off the sound altogether and just let the sexy tunes take over? That's what I'm talking about. Video by Richard Blakeley. More »
crappy hour
Talking About The Campaign Could Destroy Your Marriage!
It's not just us, commentwhores! The Hillary-Barack beatdown is tearing apart classy dinner parties and wounding friendships and polarizing New York and even rendering marriages icier than...um...your frozen bank account in Second Life, the once-prosperous totally fictional virtual reality universe that has turned into a virtual Steinbeck novel since a rash of bank runs! Okay, and Mitt Romney's sons are devilish pranksters, The Onion pretty much encapsulates everything you need to know about the campaign right now, and Obama is a YouTube sensation. Also, if you were a fan of a certain couple of leading men, you're gonna have to satisfy yourself with the neverending USA Network reruns. More »
crappy hour
Hotter Day Saints! Sizzlin' Pix Of All Five Rich, White -- And White Housebound? (Sweet Jesus No!)-- Romney Sons
In honor of the Romney victory in Michigan last night we were going to turn a critical eye to his wrongheaded policies and dangerously pro-business platitudes. Then we decided to turn a critical eye to his five smoking hot Mormon sons instead. And you know what? If polygamy is wrong, we don't want to be right. HOT JUICY PICS of Tagg, Ben, Matt, Craig and — swoon! — Josh Romney after the jump. More »
Mitt Romney during Saturday night's GOP debates: "Don't turn the pharmaceuticals into the big, bad guys." John McCain: "They are." There's more where Romney launches into some lame monologue on the infallibility of the free market which sounds as naive and unexamined as that of your average MBA student... which is to say, he would have maybe sounded better talking about how Jesus appeared to the Native Americans. [YouTube]
flappy hour
If Only "Experience" Didn't Mean You Had To Look Quite So Bus-ted
See this? It's John McCain. In the spirit of Matt Drudge's celebration of Hillary Clinton's distinguished mouth wrinkles (see the attractive photo he just removed from his site after the jump!) we are, in the name of equal opportunity, using this space to document, just for you, that Hillary is not only candidate with "experience." Ron Paul is old, as is Joe Biden, and we're hoping to get a pic of Mike Huckabee's abdominal stretch marks to remind you guys that what he lacks in numerical age he more than makes up for when you think about how close to death he could be! (Also: he went to a two-year college, meaning two extra years learning by doing!) And experience can't hurt in times like these! The Iranian Navy just radioed to tell us they were planning on blowing us up, George McGovern wants to impeach George Bush, Wyoming just threw the massive heft of its GOP caucus delegation behind Mitt Romney, and sexy Lara Logan hypnotized Pervez Musharraf into admitting he blamed Bhutto for her own death i.e. maybe had her stupid reckless ass killed off. In other words, it's a good thing the Daily Show is back! More »
crappy hour
Hillary Captures "Endorsement" Of George Bush The First. But Will She Lose The "Pool Boy" Vote?
Hillary Clinton is being semi-not-really endorsed by George H. W. Bush! Is Nancy Reagan next? What about David Duke?? Anyhow, does this mean she's no longer a polarizer? No! But is it better than an actual voluntary endorsement by Barbra Streisand? Probs! I remember how Bill Clinton is a manipulative dick who made the world worse for people and calls for angry pool boys of the world to unite while Megan reveals her soft spot for the Bush tax cuts after the jump. More »
awkward!
The Obamas Osamas Go On A Double Date With The Romneys
Yesterday all the First Lady candidates met in Long Beach, California sans a certain First Ladies Man to talk about what it's like to be the menstruating half of a potentially presidential power couple, because the topic really hasn't received enough attention from the excessively policy-focused, goal-oriented media, and Michelle Obama had a little trouble keeping her eyes from rolling into the back of her skull when Ann Romney started whining about how haarrrd it is to do so much fundraising when you husband is worth a mere $350 million. Oh but it gets better — meaning more depressing — because meanwhile, on the right coast, Mitt Romney himself was raising some of those hard-gotten funds!Actually, just look at what Osam, uh, Barack Obama, said just yesterday, Barack Obama, calling on radicals, jihadists of all different types, to come together in Iraq.Well, shit. The jihad always sounded kind of extreme to us, but if the Obamas are endorsing it and the enemy is this stupid, why the fuck not. More »
broadsides
Mia Farrow: A Crazier, Older, More Altruistic Angelina Jolie?
- Mia Farrow is offering to give up her own freedom for that of a Sudanese rebel under hospital arrest. Is she for real or is this just some empty offer to prove once that she's a better person than Angelina? Either way, she is equal parts insane and awesome. [Telegraph]
- The NY Times says the Japanese have no love for women in the workforce, while last week, the Wall Street Journal claimed Japanese companies are all about wooing female executives. Clearly major news publications aren't above a little US Weekly/InTouch naysaying. [NYTimes, WSJ]
- We long for the days when all it took to fit in at the country club was one trophy child. This competitive birthing nonsense really takes away from our Bliss schedule. [NPR]
What's worse than smarmily opportunistic John Edwards denying he knew about his $500 haircuts? Preposterously rich Mitt Romney opportunistically mocking said haircuts ("There are two Americas. There is the America where people pay $400 for a haircut and then there is everybody else..") while wearing the pricey foundation he'd paid makeup "consultants" a total of $2000 over the past few years to slap on his face. [The Raw Story]
