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missdemeanors
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missdemeanors
missdemeanors
"I Guess Her Legs Finally Gave Out From The Weight Of Her Testicles"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week, everyone is a transvestite, according to the usual offenders: Brooke Shields' "legs finally gaveout from the weight of her testicles", while Khloe Kardashian and Brooke Hogan should "swap tips on shaving their testicles." Bloggers' continued degradation of female celebrity bodies and their corresponding punishments, after the jump. Let the Jezebel Justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
"Let's Cut Off Jenna Jameson's Clit And See If It Grows Back"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. Another great week of woman-bashing on the internet, you guys. Fergie's gender gets questioned — as does the gender of Julie Andrews. What has she ever done to anyone? Besides playing beloved icons Mary Poppins and Fraulein Maria? In addition: Denise Richards "used to be one of the hottest pieces of ass on earth," Kelly Clarkson is too fat to be naked and Kim Kardashian looks like a tranny call girl. Sigh. The offenders, their crimes and sentences, after the jump. (And, because these sites rely on readers and suck the life out of them the way parasites rely on hosts, all sentences today will be parasitic infestations.) More »
missdemeanors
"Not Even Her Milky Tits Can Hide The Fact That She's Almost The Size Of A Small Minivan"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. Same circus, different clowns, you guys. Getting pregnant "ruins everything," Pink is "a dude" and Katherine Heigl "needs to work on her legs. The offenders, their crimes and sentences, after the jump. (And, because someone picked on Brooke Hogan, all sentences today will be pro-wrestling moves.) More »
missdemeanors
"Pregnancy Slowly Turns Even The Hottest Chicks Into Monsters"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. There was sooooo much bullshit this week, including a lovely diatribe about feminists by your friend Drunken Stepfather. Also! Pregnant women are "monsters," Sharon Stone "looks her age," Jennifer Love Hewitt has a "big ass" and so much more. Another great week of "writing" on the internet! The offenders, their crimes and sentences, after the jump. More »
missdemeanors
"George Clooney's Girlfriend Is A Slut"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week? Women are sluts, look like dudes, are probably on line for abortions and should get AIDS. Another great week of "writing" on the internet! The offenders, their crimes and sentences, after the jump. More »
missdemeanors
Ali Lohan Should "Replace Her Toothbrush With A Penis"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week was just annoying. The offenders were annoying, the crimes were annoying, and the fact that the same old crap — degradation of women in the name of "funny" or "edgy" blogging — keeps coming up again and again is super annoying. Monitoring Jessica Alba's workout habits, Sienna Miller being branded a slut and the sexualization of female celebs under 18 are just some of the reasons one can get SO ANNOYED. The accused, and the annoyances, after the jump. More »
missdemeanors
"Almost Any Girl With A Dick In Her Mouth Could Be Mistaken For Lindsay Lohan"
Well, folks, another Friday, another shitty week in the gossip blog universe. It's simply amazing how many writers think trashing and insulting women is "funny." With that, we welcome you back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
Liv Tyler Is A "Pale Fattie" With A "Hilariously Small Head"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week? Pregnant still=fat. WTF people?? Also, Celine Dion must be an animal, since she has body hair; Jamie Lynn Spears must be a Star Wars villain, since she is pregnant; and Liv Tyler is a "pale fattie." All this and so much more, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
Kim Kardashian Is A "Fat Bitch" Who "Thinks It's OK To Wear A Bikini"
It's time for Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. What is wrong with these gossip bloggers, anyway? Were they all abused as children? Do they talk about their mothers and sisters this way? How can they nonchalantly pick on women, and their bodies, day after day and still have souls? [Or readers? The majority of their pageviews come from young women! -Ed.] So many questions, not a lot of answers. And tomorrow is International Women's Day. Females have been fighting for justice and equality for decades; yet oppression and denigration still exists. This week in the blogs, pregnant still=fat. A person "wishes" an eating disorder on another person. And Lindsay Lohan's belly is under the microscope. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
Lily Allen's "Lady Parts Are As Numb As Her Heart"
It's time for Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week? Pregnant still=Fat; women still=sluts, miscarriage="funny." The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
If Natalie Portman Is "Not Going To Make An Effort" By Getting Implants, She Should Just Stay Home
Oh, Missdemeanors. So very necessary, unfortunately. Because who else is going to issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity? This week: Model Laetita Casta just isn't thin enough, Lindsay Lohan is a "whore," Kirstie Alley is too fat to bend over in the shower and Natalie Portman is "flat" and needs implants. Effing hell. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
Alyssa Milano, Big Feet & Pubic Hair: That's What Little Boys Are Afraid Of
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week was pretty slow, but there was some smack-talk about Britney's nethers, unwaxed pubic areas, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Marisa Miller and big feet. Plus! A nearly incomprehensible message about Alyssa Milano. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
Pregnant Women Are "Fat Bitches" With "More Chins Than A Chinese Phone Book"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week, the misogynists are on about stretched-out vadges, pregnancy neck and 15-year-old bungholes. Not cool, people. Plus: A special racist post! The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
missdemeanors
Cellulite-Spotting, Period Sex & "Sizeable Blammos"
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. Not much is going on this week, besides the misadventures of the ailing Britney Spears. Still: Bad decisions were made. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »
crimes against womanity
Women In Prison Need Help, Not Hecklers
According to an article in today's Guardian, there are more than 4,400 female prisoners in England. (According to figures from two years ago, there were 112,000 women in prison in the U.S., and the number is rising.) Four out of five have mental health issues; half have been victims of abuse; one in three has a child under the age of five. Writes Angela Greatley, chief executive of Sainsbury Centre for Mental Health: "Very few women prisoners actually need to be in custody. Most need a package of support that spans several public services: from health and social care to housing and employment support. Very often it is the failure of those services to work well together that has led the women to prison in the first place." But some people think the idea of a jailed woman is awesome, thus the existence of Conjugal Harmnony. More »
missdemeanors
"Periods Are Unnatural And Disgusting Even If Science Tries To Trick Us Into Thinking They Are Normal"
Today we learned that regardless of the bountiful abundance of evidence to the contrary, men invariably think they are smarter than women. And women agree with them! (Ahhhhh, could women be any stupider????) Anyhow, that got me thinking about Missdemeanors, the Jezebel feature in which we call out celebrity bloggers for their rampant use of misogynist humor. It was a task fell on me today, because Amelia got a new job, and I struggled with it for two reasons. Namely, 1. I think I am missing the gene that processes how to be "offended" and 2. "misogynist humor" is an oxymoron. Right? I mean, you can be a misogynist, and you can be funny. But can you be both at the same time? Have any of you ever laughed at a joke that was genuinely derived from a misogynistic set of assumptions/beliefs/values? Only dumbshits do that! And I don't really care about dumbshits on the internet, because none of them are smart. But that's just the problem: many of them believe they are smart anyway. Because they are dudes! More »
missdemeanors
