Millennials continue on their mad killing spree. Just a month ago, it was “casual dining” establishments like Buffalo Wild Wings and Applebees; now they are cleaning the avocado traces off their knives and looking menacingly at consumer packaged goods giants like Procter & Gamble.
Whether it’s a Bantu knot, a cornrow or some Paula Deen recipe that was likely “inspired” by her former black chef, white people are always being assigned credit for the work done by darker people. This is not a new phenomenon by any stretch of the imagination, but it is perpetually annoying. And when it’s applied to…
Members of millennial networking group Magnises (a portmanteau of “magnum penises,” I assume) are complaining that the access to elite services promised with the $250/year membership are not as obtainable as the company—which markets itself toward the urban elite—states.
Why did I decide to use my limited free time in Washington D.C. to attend the “Drain the Swamp Millenial [sic] Ball After Party” organized by the elusive “Students and Millenials [sic] for Trump” Facebook group?
Women have so much to look forward to. Millennial women can look forward to making less and less than their male counterparts or, if their of an older generation, they can look forward to watching millennials make less and less than their male counterparts.
Have you been wondering why there are no good musicals about millennials? Have you wondered if Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Lin-Manuel Miranda were going to do anything other than collaborate on Moana? If these questions and more have been keeping you up at night, there’s a 14 minute long musical just for you.
In all the hubbub surrounding Sunday night’s upsettingly nasty presidential debate, we missed an important election milestone: Tim Kaine learned “millennial slang” with YouTube star Tyler Oakley. Yas.
A reminder to anyone who wasn’t already feeling sick with fear at the prospect of our society’s swift and inevitable decline: there is going to be a movie about emojis, it is called—wait for it—Emojimovie: Express Yourself, and it is coming out next August. Maybe we’ll all be dead by then.
The Hill’s annual ‘50 Most Beautiful’ list is up—an important reminder to us all that even in D.C., people are attractive.
The thing about me is that I don’t care that Anthony Weiner is in the news again for sexting. Sorry, but I fail to see how him taking a photo of his dick near his kid and then separating from his wife is a series of events I’m supposed to care about. It’s not that I don’t care about this story per se. It’s just that…
Here I stand, ready to defend my bold stance on sexual relations: they can be fun! If you have someone to have sex with, stop reading this post and do it right now. Unless you’re a millennial, because then you probably don’t even want to.
So much goes into planning a national party convention! You have to work out transportation and housing logistics with the host city. Prepare the venue(s). Develop a schedule of speakers and panelists. Field media requests. Beg celebrities to drop by. And coordinate an army of over 10,000 volunteers and DNC staffers,…
Besides being the fodder for every type of malignancy a baby boomer can scapegoat them for, it seems that we’ve been blinded by too many “Old Man Yells at Cloud” GIFs to see the true millennial conspiracy at play here: the plot to ruin handshakes for everyone.
You likely remember Judy Blume paperbacks as well-worn treasures plucked from the middle school library, brightly colored, with a cover illustration of a teenage girl with ’70s hair and a bad sweater. And the character of Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, definitely did not have an iPhone with which to summon her…
Do coupons seem to you faintly old-fashioned, a relic from the days of ubiquitous newspaper delivery? Well, expand your understanding of the term to include all the ways you’ve ever shaved $10 off an online order and it becomes obvious that actually, millennials fucking love coupons.
This news isn’t exactly shocking, considering the generation’s collective financial position, but the latest numbers are nevertheless striking.
There is a predictable kind of response generated from news that a beloved movie from a generation’s childhood will soon be receiving a long-awaited sequel or reboot—a deafening argument about nostalgia that puts excitement (“FINALLY!”), anger (“YOU’RE RUINING MY CHILDHOOD!), and annoyance (“CAN’T HOLLYWOOD THINK OF…
Actor and eater Zac Efron is hosting an upcoming MTV special about millennials and food. But really it’s about much more than that.
In a new survey by Match, Gen Xers on the site say they aren’t into weed smokers while Millennials and Baby Boomers apparently love them. Who hurt you, Gen X?
The only things I have done tonight are masturbate and scroll through Cardi B’s Instagram until my wrist hurt. I am wearing a promotional Sopranos T-shirt that reads, “I WANNA MADE MAN” [sic], but what I really want is to have a drink.
