Breast Milk Butter Is the Sweetest, Creamiest Thing You've Ever Tasted

If you've always wanted to make butter from human breast milk, but don't know how, the internet is pleased to provide you with something you might have never even known you wanted: A tutorial detailing the magical process of transforming the fluid found in one's mammaries into a delectable breakfast treat. And there… » 10/08/14 7:15pm 10/08/14 7:15pm

This Milk Commercial Is the Most Pornographic Jizz-Fest I've Ever Seen

So, I was just bopping through my typical morning routine today, hate-reading the Daily Mail and watching Corey Feldman interviews on YouTube (yikes, don't hold back, Wendy Williams!), when an auto-play pop-up ad overwhelmed my screen. It was a commercial for milk—part of their new campaign, "Milk Life"—encouraging… » 4/21/14 4:30pm 4/21/14 4:30pm

Milk Is Great for Your Joints, and Cheese Is Destroying Them

When I was a kid, it was all about milk. "Set the table! Wash your hands! Milk or water?" was the refrain at every mealtime. Not juice, not iced tea, not soda (Diet Coke wouldn't take hold for another decade)—just water or milk, milk or water, simple as that, as though the two were interchangeable. Nonfat for my mom,… » 4/08/14 6:45pm 4/08/14 6:45pm

Whole Milk and Butter Make People Skinny Now, Says Science

Milk drinking isn't a hobby for everyone — only those of us with enough enzymes can indulge in the sweet, delicious mammary juice that spurts from the machine-manipulated udders of a stressed cow that wonders everyday why the small, hairless apes who've imprisoned her in a barn factory insist on treating her like a… » 2/16/14 3:00pm 2/16/14 3:00pm

Extremely Tolerant Milk Dog Lets Goats Shake It Down for Dairy

First thing to mention about this vaguely pornographic video of young goats drinking milk from two giant bottles strapped to the thorax of an overly-tolerant bull terrier: goats wag their tails! Am I just finding this out? My uncle had a bunch of goats when I was younger and they never wagged their tails. Were… » 8/17/13 12:00pm 8/17/13 12:00pm

Good Morning! Enjoy a Carton of Cereal-Flavored Milk

Cereal is awesome, isn't it? Well, except for all that chewing and sogginess, cereal is pretty awesome, but, jeez, doesn't your jaw get tired from masticating all those corn shavings and marshmallow bits? It'd be way better if you could just get that cloying cereal taste without all the effort, if cereal just slid… » 4/16/13 10:25am 4/16/13 10:25am

Cats with Thumbs Are Lapping Up All the Dairy Products

Cats having thumbs could constitute a really useful leap in evolution...if you don't mind the idea of a nocturnal house predator playing with cutlery while you're drifting in and out of an uneasy sleep. This ad for Cravendale milk, which is strictly British milk, expands on the "Cats With Thumbs" nightmare ad… » 9/09/12 2:30pm 9/09/12 2:30pm

Finally, a Real Reason to Cry Over Spilled Milk

It has been drilled into us since childhood that there's no use crying over spilled milk, but it turns out that spilled milk—specifically milk wasted by people who buy it and don't use it—has a real effect on the environment. Scientists found that the milk poured down the drains of UK's residents has the same carbon… » 5/15/12 10:25am 5/15/12 10:25am

Crap, They Found Another Case of Mad Cow Disease (But Don't Spit Out Your Burger Just Yet)

The USDA announced today that it found a case of mad cow disease in a poor cow in California. Yikes. It is the first case of the dreaded disease to be seen here in six years, and while it sounds scary as shit, authorities say there's no reason to be alarmed because the U.S. food supply is not in danger. So keep… » 4/24/12 10:00pm 4/24/12 10:00pm