Researchers tested samples of online-purchased breast milk for a study that was published in Pediatrics this week. The results: 10% of the samples contained cow’s milk.

Misao Okawa just became the world's oldest person, punching in her time card on Earth at 117 years. This woman is one hundred and seventeen years old and I'm sitting over here clocking in at twenty-six and I'm already exhausted.

Fact: Milk is for babies and children. If you are an adult—i.e., not a baby or child—you should not be drinking milk.

Stand by for the most disgusting beverage-related news since the invention of green juice: Coca Cola apparently plans to introduce a new "premium milk" product that'll cost more money. Well, that's one way to cope with the fact nobody wants to drink soda anymore!

If you've always wanted to make butter from human breast milk, but don't know how, the internet is pleased to provide you with something you might have never even known you wanted: A tutorial detailing the magical process of transforming the fluid found in one's mammaries into a delectable breakfast treat. And there…

I am an asshole. I liked the band Arcade Fire immediately, I only drink pour-over coffee, and once I said that small plates totes counts as dinner. But you know what doesn't make me an asshole? Drinking various non-dairy milks.

So, I was just bopping through my typical morning routine today, hate-reading the Daily Mail and watching Corey Feldman interviews on YouTube (yikes, don't hold back, Wendy Williams!), when an auto-play pop-up ad overwhelmed my screen. It was a commercial for milk—part of their new campaign, "Milk Life"—encouraging…

When I was a kid, it was all about milk. "Set the table! Wash your hands! Milk or water?" was the refrain at every mealtime. Not juice, not iced tea, not soda (Diet Coke wouldn't take hold for another decade)—just water or milk, milk or water, simple as that, as though the two were interchangeable. Nonfat for my mom,…

It seems the American dairy industry recently pulled the famous "Got Milk" campaign from the back of the fridge, took a whiff and tossed the leftovers into the garbage. After almost 20 years, they're getting a new catchphrase: "Milk Life," just like you would a cow. Sure!

Milk drinking isn't a hobby for everyone — only those of us with enough enzymes can indulge in the sweet, delicious mammary juice that spurts from the machine-manipulated udders of a stressed cow that wonders everyday why the small, hairless apes who've imprisoned her in a barn factory insist on treating her like a…

The American Academy of Pediatrics has issued a report this week advising that kids, babies, and pregnant ladies not consume any raw milk or raw milk products from cows, goats, and sheep as it may be hazardous to their health.

First thing to mention about this vaguely pornographic video of young goats drinking milk from two giant bottles strapped to the thorax of an overly-tolerant bull terrier: goats wag their tails! Am I just finding this out? My uncle had a bunch of goats when I was younger and they never wagged their tails. Were…

This unsettling ad campaign for First 5, a government-run "healthy kids" program, depicts a heavily (literally) photoshopped little girl drinking from a paper bag (?) of sugar. Ugh, so many problems here.

Cereal is awesome, isn't it? Well, except for all that chewing and sogginess, cereal is pretty awesome, but, jeez, doesn't your jaw get tired from masticating all those corn shavings and marshmallow bits? It'd be way better if you could just get that cloying cereal taste without all the effort, if cereal just slid…

Good news for everybody out there who hates the white water: skim and low-fat milks aren't as awesome for weight-loss as we were once told, according to new research.

Cats having thumbs could constitute a really useful leap in evolution...if you don't mind the idea of a nocturnal house predator playing with cutlery while you're drifting in and out of an uneasy sleep. This ad for Cravendale milk, which is strictly British milk, expands on the "Cats With Thumbs" nightmare ad…

Bottle-feeding my babies was one of the best parenting decisions I ever made. And while this simple statement will likely enrage men and women across America, I won't be made to feel guilty about it.

It has been drilled into us since childhood that there's no use crying over spilled milk, but it turns out that spilled milk—specifically milk wasted by people who buy it and don't use it—has a real effect on the environment. Scientists found that the milk poured down the drains of UK's residents has the same carbon…

The USDA announced today that it found a case of mad cow disease in a poor cow in California. Yikes. It is the first case of the dreaded disease to be seen here in six years, and while it sounds scary as shit, authorities say there's no reason to be alarmed because the U.S. food supply is not in danger. So keep…

Feeling a little keyed up or put out by a long, hard day? This baby sea otter is here to help. Just sit back, relax, watch her cuddly face as she enjoys her bottle of milk, and you'll be blissed out in no time.