Once upon a time, some idiot dog ate a whole tub of orange frosting and shat out the oiliest, hottest, most vile and rank semi-firm orange turd the world had ever seen. The turd fell into a pile of pubes recently shaved off the ballsack of a racist necromancer, and their lingering scrotal enchantments brought the turd…

In the immortal words of R. Kelly, after the show it's the after party. Last night, Oscar-nominated A-list celebs flocked to the Vanity Fair bash, where they mingled with TV stars and luminaries of the music world. The dress code was half pretty, half sexy. It was a night of many beautiful mammaries. Some ladies let…

Quoth she: "I'm not a lesbian."

[New York, December 16. Image via Splash.]

Although: The Expendables did beat Scott Pilgrim at the box office. Still, she has a point. But it's tough to tell whether she thinks this is a good thing or bad thing.

• Alicia Keys married producer Swizz Beatz yesterday in Corsica; guests included Bono and Queen Latifah. [ContactMusic]

Last night, the Hotel du Cap played host to amfAR's Cinema Against AIDS 2010 benefit gala. This meant Lo, Kirsten Dunst, Grace Jones, Mary J., Michelle Williams, Emily Blunt, Kate Beckinsale, , Karl Lagerfeld, Marion Cotillard, Elizabeth Banks, Michelle Rodriguez…

So this is what Lindsay Lohan's been working on. Director Robert Rodriguez released an "illegal" trailer for Machete as a "Cinco De Mayo message for Arizona." Indeed. The film also features Robert DeNiro, Jeff Fahey (Lapidus!), and Don Johnson. [AICN]

• Britney Spears' dad has banned her from leaving home without a bra.

Can something be called a "blockbuster" before it, y'know, breaks blocks? Whatever, everyone's already anointed the mega-expensive Avatar, and clearly the premiere, at Grauman's Chinese Theatre, was a big deal: it's not just every event that attracts this much fab.