Man Masturbates at Panera, Manager Offers Traumatized Victim a Cookie

Today in unmitigated horror and maddening fuck-ups, a customer at a DC-area Panera Bread alleges that a man approached her in the store, exposed himself, and began masturbating in her direction. When she alerted a manager—and pointed out her assailant, who was leaving the store unchallenged—the manager declined to… » 8/20/14 7:45pm Wednesday 7:45pm

Dude Arrested for Masturbating Inside a Walmart...Again

A 26-year-old Tulsa man was arrested this weekend after pulling out his penis in the middle of a Walmart and masturbating it "with a back and forth motion." The incident follows another arrest last November, when a different man was caught masturbating in a different Tulsa Walmart. I guess some people really LOVE A… » 6/19/14 12:20pm 6/19/14 12:20pm

Go Eff Yourself For Valentine's Day and Have Some Real Fun

This video is for all you single people who are sick and freaking tired of watching everyone around you go nuts about Valentine's Day. (Yes, I'm thinking of you guys. Always thinking about you guys.) This is the best possible suggestion for what you could do on Valentine's Day. And you'll probably have a … » 2/13/14 8:45pm 2/13/14 8:45pm

Miley Cyrus Writhes About and Kinda Masturbates in New Music Video

Like a dribbly gift down your chimney, Miley Cyrus' "Adore You" video leaked last night. It mainly consists of Miley Cyrus sensually caught in some sheets, clad in see-through underwear garb. Thrice, maybe four times, her hands migrate to the top of her underwear with the clear intention of masturbating while she… » 12/26/13 11:10am 12/26/13 11:10am

Watch a 'Big Brother' Contestant Try to Masturbate on the Sly

It's really hard to get away with anything on Big Brother thanks to the "live feeds" component of the show, which gives subscribers 24/7 access to the cameras in the habitat. Still, people are human, and to go 100 days without masturbating, it must be really, really hard (that's what she said). » 8/09/13 6:30pm 8/09/13 6:30pm

United Airlines Allegedly Cool With Passengers Who Jack Off in Flight

A teenage girl claims a passenger spent "long periods" of a six-hour fight "masturbating and exposing his penis" without being stopped by flight staff — who knew exactly what was up but declined to move her to another seat or, like, tell him to put his junk back in his pants before takeoff and landing. » 5/31/13 1:30pm 5/31/13 1:30pm