Timeline: What the Hell Is Fifty Shades of Grey Doing to People? 

On the surface, Fifty Shades of Grey is a fairly tame and boring movie about two very frightened actors who get undressed and tentatively tickle each other with floggers, but something about the film (or maybe its source material) has caused audiences to go fully insane. Here is a timeline of their bacchanalian… » 2/27/15 2:50pm 2/27/15 2:50pm

South Dakota Removes Ads Demanding Drivers Stop Jerking It

In a move that surprised many people who enjoy a good joke about masturbation, South Dakota has decided that their plan to ensure safe driving while employing puns about touching oneself all over until orgasm were ill-advised. No one knows how they even came up with the idea, but I assume some ingenious advertising… » 12/15/14 9:30pm 12/15/14 9:30pm

Swedish Campaign Searches for a New Term for Female Masturbation

When it comes to self pleasure, dudes have a lot more ways to describe their one-on-one time than women. Sure, we're not exactly short for euphemisms: flicking the bean, polishing the pearl, beating around the bush, and the fan favorite: Jilling off, etc. For some reason plenty of people find female masturbation to… » 11/23/14 12:15pm 11/23/14 12:15pm

Watch 'Zac Efron' Discuss How Good He Is at Masturbating and Driving

In a new clip from The Interview, James Franco and Seth Rogen's upcoming film, Franco's character Dave Skylark grills Efron about the very important topic of masturbating, which "Efron" can do while driving. "I can masturbate with both hands, which is a total legal grey area," he says. Who knows what the final product… » 11/21/14 9:50am 11/21/14 9:50am

Man Masturbates at Panera, Manager Offers Traumatized Victim a Cookie

Today in unmitigated horror and maddening fuck-ups, a customer at a DC-area Panera Bread alleges that a man approached her in the store, exposed himself, and began masturbating in her direction. When she alerted a manager—and pointed out her assailant, who was leaving the store unchallenged—the manager declined to… » 8/20/14 7:45pm 8/20/14 7:45pm

Dude Arrested for Masturbating Inside a Walmart...Again

A 26-year-old Tulsa man was arrested this weekend after pulling out his penis in the middle of a Walmart and masturbating it "with a back and forth motion." The incident follows another arrest last November, when a different man was caught masturbating in a different Tulsa Walmart. I guess some people really LOVE A… » 6/19/14 12:20pm 6/19/14 12:20pm

Go Eff Yourself For Valentine's Day and Have Some Real Fun

This video is for all you single people who are sick and freaking tired of watching everyone around you go nuts about Valentine's Day. (Yes, I'm thinking of you guys. Always thinking about you guys.) This is the best possible suggestion for what you could do on Valentine's Day. And you'll probably have a … » 2/13/14 8:45pm 2/13/14 8:45pm