In a move that surprised many people who enjoy a good joke about masturbation, South Dakota has decided that their plan to ensure safe driving while employing puns about touching oneself all over until orgasm were ill-advised. No one knows how they even came up with the idea, but I assume some ingenious advertising… » 12/15/14 9:30pm 12/15/14 9:30pm

If you're looking for love this holiday season, one expert says you should make sure to "love your body" before you step under the mistletoe, otherwise you're just going to get hurt. (Possibly have an orgasm before it happens, but definitely hurt after) (Sooo hurt.) » 11/28/14 5:00pm 11/28/14 5:00pm

It's the day after Thanksgiving, which means that it's time to start thinking about Christmas. And if the people that matter to you don't have an Amazon wish list, you might consider doing all of your shopping at UPS, where you can now have a dildo 3D printed for you. » 11/28/14 2:30pm 11/28/14 2:30pm

When it comes to self pleasure, dudes have a lot more ways to describe their one-on-one time than women. Sure, we're not exactly short for euphemisms: flicking the bean, polishing the pearl, beating around the bush, and the fan favorite: Jilling off, etc. For some reason plenty of people find female masturbation to be… » 11/23/14 12:15pm 11/23/14 12:15pm

In a new clip from The Interview, James Franco and Seth Rogen's upcoming film, Franco's character Dave Skylark grills Efron about the very important topic of masturbating, which "Efron" can do while driving. "I can masturbate with both hands, which is a total legal grey area," he says. Who knows what the final product… » 11/21/14 9:50am 11/21/14 9:50am

A Virgin Airlines flight was diverted earlier this week when a passenger, intent on joining the mile-high club, began masturbating furiously while in the air. When apprehended, he attempted — and failed — to make the most daring plane escape in history. Police are calling it a medical emergency. » 9/24/14 5:00pm 9/24/14 5:00pm

It's business as usual in Florida, where the sun is shining, Disney World is bringing joys to families from around the world and a half-naked woman named Karen Dilworth was going hell-for-leather on a motorcycle in her garage, banging it in front of kids who just happened to be around. » 9/09/14 4:35pm 9/09/14 4:35pm

Today in unmitigated horror and maddening fuck-ups, a customer at a DC-area Panera Bread alleges that a man approached her in the store, exposed himself, and began masturbating in her direction. When she alerted a manager—and pointed out her assailant, who was leaving the store unchallenged—the manager declined to… » 8/20/14 7:45pm 8/20/14 7:45pm

A 26-year-old Tulsa man was arrested this weekend after pulling out his penis in the middle of a Walmart and masturbating it "with a back and forth motion." The incident follows another arrest last November, when a different man was caught masturbating in a different Tulsa Walmart. I guess some people really LOVE A… » 6/19/14 12:20pm 6/19/14 12:20pm

On Thursday, we asked you how much you masturbate. On Friday, you learned how you stacked up against your fellow Jezebel readers. » 6/06/14 5:00pm 6/06/14 5:00pm

Apple rejected an app which featured a cartoon vulva, designed to help teach women how to masturbate. » 5/16/14 9:40am 5/16/14 9:40am

Michael Leucke, a 72-year-old substitute teacher in Stamford, Connecticut has been arrested for allegedly masturbating in a school hallway before his first class. » 2/28/14 10:00am 2/28/14 10:00am

This video is for all you single people who are sick and freaking tired of watching everyone around you go nuts about Valentine's Day. (Yes, I'm thinking of you guys. Always thinking about you guys.) This is the best possible suggestion for what you could do on Valentine's Day. And you'll probably have a … » 2/13/14 8:45pm 2/13/14 8:45pm

Don't get me wrong, things like pornography and masturbation are scourges that do amount to young men who are "wounded spiritually on the battlefield of the great war," but this video seems to imply that you should turn away from both by gazing longingly at another young man. » 1/27/14 6:40pm 1/27/14 6:40pm

Like a dribbly gift down your chimney, Miley Cyrus' "Adore You" video leaked last night. It mainly consists of Miley Cyrus sensually caught in some sheets, clad in see-through underwear garb. Thrice, maybe four times, her hands migrate to the top of her underwear with the clear intention of masturbating while she… » 12/26/13 11:10am 12/26/13 11:10am

The walking dead could be heading into your orifices right now! PLEASE NOTE: This undead dong is NSFLOU (not safe for living or undead). » 11/27/13 1:35pm 11/27/13 1:35pm

Your favorite illicit website, PornHub, attempts to answer this question with an interactive infographic that shows significant traffic drops/spikes in various countries during major holidays and other seminal events. » 11/26/13 5:55pm 11/26/13 5:55pm