If you want to see my angry face just come up to me, as a complete stranger and say:Cheer up. Why so sad?
Usually I am just minding my own business at the time and am neither happy nor sad. It infuriates me that strangers think they have a right to demand that my facial features should be set in a certain way.
@Rare Affinity: I completely agree! My roommate passed me on the street and asked me why I was so sad. I wasn't sad, I was thinking. And then I felt like I was obligated to look happy. Sucks.
@Rare Affinity: The only people I'm ok with telling me to smile are the vendors of Street Sense, D.C.'s street newspaper. I really don't know why. But it happens quite often and I do smile and feel better afterwards.
@Rare Affinity: Uggh, this happens to me ALL THE TIME at the gym, of all places. Usually while I am lifting or sprinting or something that takes a lot of work, which is the exact opposite of when most people look happy. I am not a smiley doll!
@Rare Affinity: I get "cheer up" a lot because when I am not making ANY face I look really really sad. "Cheer up" makes me twitchy. Then I wonder how I come across in job interviews!
There is a lot of ridiculousness to be had here. None more so than those ruffle socks on #10. Nothing says counterculture bourgeois more than ruffle socks.
@UnicornZiva: Let us unite. Seriously, I would go halfsies on a hat like these. I LOVE HATS, but I have nowhere to wear them to. It's a sad life I lead.
It seems as although there is a new generation of forward thinking men, they are still bogged down by pressure to conform to their 'traditional masculine' roles. Most of my best friends are guys, and a great number of them also identify (based on definition) as a feminist, but agree to the negative connotation surrounding this word.
The pressure for young men to conform to masculine ideals and perpetuate patriarchy is astounding, and I'm so glad that it is finally being realized. The box of masculinity is so much more strict than that of femininity its frightening- women can go outside of gender roles while it is much more difficult for men. (I would also like to add that I do not agree with the ideas of femininity and masculinity, as gender is just a social construct- I'm referring to colloquial ideas pertaining to each gender, not how life should be.) #masculinity
I think the idea of a "positive masculine identity" could just mean a gender identity where men don't feel like they are pretending not to be men. Like a "positive feminine identity" could mean one where women can be strong and independent without being afraid to seem female sometimes. #masculinity
My brother was walking behind his girlfriend in a restaurant, on their way to their table I guess, and suddenly became cognizant that every single man she passed by looked her up and down.
The next time he went out with her, he noticed it again.
Then he went out with my mom. And then with me. And he noticed it happening everywhere.
It completely grossed him out. It had never occurred to him, I guess. Even though we all shrugged it off.
Besides the fact that he now insists on walking us to the bathrooms in crowded restaurants, I think it's little things like this that really point out that men probably don't even think about these things. And how scary that really is. #masculinity
The problem is that all these "ideals of manhood" attempts are based on the theory that there exists an ideal of manhood, and that men who don't match that ideal are less manly.
They also almost always get bogged down in the belief that the ideal of manhood peaked around 1955. Read through GQ (or Esquire, for that matter), or even blogs like 1001 Rules For My Unborn Son and The Art Of Manliness, and you'll quickly catch the pattern.
They can make as many nods towards modernity and equality as they want, but if your ideal man is still centered on a strong-but-silent heterosexual provider who "controls" his emotions, you're going to run into problems eventually.
And even if you do come up with a totally modern definition, what's the point? Why does there need to exist a single concept of what manhood is? Role models shouldn't be showing people how to act like the epitome of their specific gender/race/whatever; role models should be showing how to be a good person.
After all, what's the difference between Steven Colbert and Amy Poehler as role models? Both display the same values--intelligence, confidence, humor, respect for others, open-mindedness, and so on. Audiences will naturally identify with role models similar to themselves, so men will tend to look to Colbert and women to Poehler, but they're seeing the same things--not how to be a good man or a good woman, but a good person.
So yeah, we do need more male role models who don't have a toxic view of women, but not because we need a new standard of masculinity. #masculinity
+My father and brothers have joined me in Take Back the Night Marches.
+They like their women strong and opinionated.
+They like to cook and clean.
And they are often mysognistic. And sexist. And defintely products of the Patriarchy. They reap the rewards of being men and, from what I can tell, have no plans to relinquish their privilege.
Just because your dad, brother, or male partner is "cool" doesn't mean he's a feminist. It means he's not a dick. There's a huuuge difference. My dad, brothers, and boyfriend are not dicks. They're very lovely, actually. But they're definitely NOT feminists or redefining masculinity in any way. Feminists have raised the bar on what it means to be a Strong Woman. We would do well to raise the bar on what it means to be a Good Man. Being nice and cool and sweet ain't good enough. #masculinity
I think we should sponsor a weekend-long retreat for all of these men and all the awesome Jezebel dads out there, mine included. He's never seemed to have a problem being a motorcycle-riding, martial-arts-practicing attorney who loves playing with babies and dancing around the kitchen with his wife. If I've learned anything from him, it's to look for a guy who isn't afraid to embrace all sides of himself, whether he thinks they're masculine or not--because masculine and feminine can still add up to one hell of a man. #masculinity
"rather, they can simply teach that how men understand their gender is up to them, and that they shouldn't feel the need to fit themselves into any particular mold. This might be difficult — young people, despite their protestations of rebellion, kind of like molds — but it would move us one step closer to a world in which gender was an opportunity for self-expression, not a cage of expectations. The lack of a new paradigm for masculinity may look like emptiness, but it's also freedom."
YES. the problem isn't masculinity needing to be redefined. masculinity is always defined as being in opposition to femininity, regardless of how you construct it. the problem is the gender binary, and the opressive constrictions it places around the individual's ability to self-define.
having the paradigm fall away altogether would actually be a good thing; deterritorialization, anyone? could the lack of a cohesive narrative of masculinity signal a line of flight? for all you philosophy/theory nerds out there the fall of the gender binary might create a Body Without Organs. sexuality could actually become a project, then. (Deleuze+Guattari, you guys.)
12/09/09
12/09/09
12/09/09
Usually I am just minding my own business at the time and am neither happy nor sad. It infuriates me that strangers think they have a right to demand that my facial features should be set in a certain way.
12/09/09
12/09/09
12/09/09
12/09/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
As a 3 year old, I could make lace socks that I was wearing disappear if I was unsupervised for over 45 seconds.
12/08/09
11/23/09
11/23/09
OMG HAAAAAATS *clutches face*
11/24/09
11/17/09
11/10/09
The pressure for young men to conform to masculine ideals and perpetuate patriarchy is astounding, and I'm so glad that it is finally being realized. The box of masculinity is so much more strict than that of femininity its frightening- women can go outside of gender roles while it is much more difficult for men. (I would also like to add that I do not agree with the ideas of femininity and masculinity, as gender is just a social construct- I'm referring to colloquial ideas pertaining to each gender, not how life should be.) #masculinity
11/10/09
Honest question. #masculinity
11/10/09
11/10/09
11/10/09
The next time he went out with her, he noticed it again.
Then he went out with my mom. And then with me. And he noticed it happening everywhere.
It completely grossed him out. It had never occurred to him, I guess. Even though we all shrugged it off.
Besides the fact that he now insists on walking us to the bathrooms in crowded restaurants, I think it's little things like this that really point out that men probably don't even think about these things. And how scary that really is. #masculinity
11/10/09
They also almost always get bogged down in the belief that the ideal of manhood peaked around 1955. Read through GQ (or Esquire, for that matter), or even blogs like 1001 Rules For My Unborn Son and The Art Of Manliness, and you'll quickly catch the pattern.
They can make as many nods towards modernity and equality as they want, but if your ideal man is still centered on a strong-but-silent heterosexual provider who "controls" his emotions, you're going to run into problems eventually.
And even if you do come up with a totally modern definition, what's the point? Why does there need to exist a single concept of what manhood is? Role models shouldn't be showing people how to act like the epitome of their specific gender/race/whatever; role models should be showing how to be a good person.
After all, what's the difference between Steven Colbert and Amy Poehler as role models? Both display the same values--intelligence, confidence, humor, respect for others, open-mindedness, and so on. Audiences will naturally identify with role models similar to themselves, so men will tend to look to Colbert and women to Poehler, but they're seeing the same things--not how to be a good man or a good woman, but a good person.
So yeah, we do need more male role models who don't have a toxic view of women, but not because we need a new standard of masculinity. #masculinity
11/10/09
11/10/09
+They like their women strong and opinionated.
+They like to cook and clean.
And they are often mysognistic. And sexist. And defintely products of the Patriarchy. They reap the rewards of being men and, from what I can tell, have no plans to relinquish their privilege.
Just because your dad, brother, or male partner is "cool" doesn't mean he's a feminist. It means he's not a dick. There's a huuuge difference. My dad, brothers, and boyfriend are not dicks. They're very lovely, actually. But they're definitely NOT feminists or redefining masculinity in any way. Feminists have raised the bar on what it means to be a Strong Woman. We would do well to raise the bar on what it means to be a Good Man. Being nice and cool and sweet ain't good enough. #masculinity
11/10/09
11/10/09
YES. the problem isn't masculinity needing to be redefined. masculinity is always defined as being in opposition to femininity, regardless of how you construct it. the problem is the gender binary, and the opressive constrictions it places around the individual's ability to self-define.
having the paradigm fall away altogether would actually be a good thing; deterritorialization, anyone? could the lack of a cohesive narrative of masculinity signal a line of flight? for all you philosophy/theory nerds out there the fall of the gender binary might create a Body Without Organs. sexuality could actually become a project, then. (Deleuze+Guattari, you guys.)