By the time melted ice caps and rising sea levels wipe out 90 percent of human life, Donald Trump’s descendants will be among the elite who have shuttled off to Mars in tiny pods originally built by NASA. On Tuesday, Trump signed a bill allocating $19.5 billion to NASA for a crewed mission to Mars, deep space, and the…
In its infancy four years ago, Britney Spears’s Instagram was a boring place filled with overly filtered photos of her posing with The Wanted (remember The Wanted?), filming The X Factor, and performing during her Femme Fatale tour. Like many celebrity Instagrams, it was a place for shameless and impersonal promotion. …
Earlier this week, wheezing reddened pile of bagpipes Rush Limbaugh objected to the news that there’s liquid water on Mars—it’s more like a “sneaky leftist agenda” on Mars to get people to care about climate change, he argued, for some reason. On Tuesday, he went ahead and brought Muslims into it, too. Why not.
You may have heard the news today that NASA discovered flowing water on the surface of Mars. Fascinating discovery, right? Not according to conservative talk show host and delusional pork dumpling Rush Limbaugh. As far as he’s concerned, this announcement is but a mere portion of the larger “leftist agenda.”
In today’s Tweet Beat, Hillary Clinton and Wilmer Valderrama had a conversation, Gigi Hadid wants tacos and everyone has Mars on the brain.
History has seen many brave explorers, facing unknown dangers in a dark and lonely world. But all of them are chumps compared to a truly brave, fearless explorer. Behold Evghenia.
The popularity of chewing gum has plummeted in the last four years, with sales dropping 11 percent. Can there be any explanation other than the decades-long campaign by right-thinking moms, etiquette experts, theater attendants and sound-sensitives who just cannot deal with your smacking right now?
In response to a federal Title IX lawsuit filed in April, Occidental College settled with several students and made a public commitment to making "Occidental a national leader in dealing with sexual misconduct." Victim advocates on campus created an online anonymous reporting system, through which students could…
To celebrate the first anniversary of Curiosity's landing on Mars, Mattel has issued a special Barbie doll. And yes, she's wearing pink.
Just when you thought the FBI, NSA and Verizon-teamed privacy infringement was the most egregious overstepping of The Man on citizens' rights, Nestlé, Mars and Hershey manufacturers in Canada have apparently been conspiring to fix the price of their chocolate products.
Earlier this morning the Curiosity Rover tweeted a photo of a penis it had drawn on the surface of Mars with the caption, "FUCKING BORED." A NASA official has explained that they believe this is a new attempt by the rover to provoke Martian life into revealing themselves by angering them. Curiosity is reportedly also…
America's largest purveyors of fine Easter chocolates think you're dumb, so dumb, in fact, that they think a green label on a pack of M&Ms will trick you into thinking that those M&Ms are somehow good for you. Or at least better for you than other candy-coated chocolates.
As always, the Daily Mail has their razor-sharp journalistic scope trained on the real issues that keep 21st-century human beings awake at night, and they've provided an extensive communiqué regarding the #1 Most Important and Totally Legit Thing that People Should Definitely Bother Worrying About Posthaste. That…
This is what happens when we start relying on the private sector for all of our space exploration — rich people do all kinds of crazy shit. Currently, thanks to an investment by NASA engineer-turned-multimillionaire Dennis Tito, engineers are currently in the process of constructing a spaceship that will take one…
Hey, everybody, have you heard the good news? If Newt Gingrich is elected president, we can all go live on the moon! Cool…wait, what? Yep, here's what the man said earlier today:
A new study claims to prove that men and women have very different personalities. However, the research may not be watertight.
Dana Zemack has been making stick figure comics since she was 12. This week, she made one just for us.
It's summer, which means packing! Also, it is a day that ends in y, which means talking about how dudes and ladies do something differently. Today, we discuss whether "men pack for Mars, women for Venus."
Remember the young woman who demanded Representative Barney Frank explain his support for a "Nazi policy" (that would be health care reform) at a town hall meeting last year? Undaunted by Frank's verbal smackdown, she's now running against him.