Guys, we’ve reached the end. The votes have been tabulated. And I am VERY sorry to tell you, but REALITY, that cold hard truth, has won.

Well, we’re here at a crossroads. This March Madness has been, as predicted, a rough one. “What are we voting for?” cried the confused. “Best? Worst?” Unfortunately for those who want easy answers, this competition was never going to be easy, for it required considering some of the most existential questions of our…

We’ve reached the final matchups for this year’s March Madness, and I have to say, I knew Judy Sheindlin was a hard worker, but I had no idea she hustled this hard.

Elite Eight baby! It’s sort of incredible to see how far we’ve come. I mean, Top Chef could go all the way—really, people?

Well we, lost a few good ones yesterday, including... Vanderpump Rules! Lala Kent is shaking her tatas with disgust right now, y’all.

Well I hate to break it to you, but Round 1 of March Madness is done. We lost some good soldiers along the way and saw some real upsets. Let’s pay respect to those that fell.

We’re wrapping up the final day of Round 1 of this year’s March Madness battle, Reality TV vs. Reality.

Hello, and welcome to the second day of Jezebel’s March Madness 2016. Today we’re just going to tackle some more of Reality TV’s Round 1; tomorrow, we’ll finish the rest of it.

In past years, Jezebel has used the end of March to debate the big issues of our time: whether pie is better than cake, whether sex is better than chocolate, whether drugs are better than alcohol. Those battles, while contentious, were relatively simple. But simple is boring. Real life isn’t simple. Real life is…

...S-E-X. Sex! Sex!!!!!

Well, it was kind of inevitable, wasn’t it?

Well hi hello, folks! I'm sorry to have forsaken you last week, but when I received word that Eggplant Friday was no longer in the tournament, I had to be airlifted to an emotional rejuvenation retreat where I was locked in a cryotherapy chamber for several days.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Yes, you.

Sports: holy shit, right? But the on-court drama of the NCAA men's and women's basketball tournaments couldn't possibly match the onscreen drama of this made up tournament between the forces of the internet and the forces of reality, this clash between what is social and what is antisocial. What will prevail? It's up…

Wow. Wowowowow. We are officially done with Round 1 of March Madness, my fellow sports fanatics, and what a round it was!

It's Day 3 of Jezebel's March Madness competition, Internet vs. IRL, blue pills vs. red pills, hack attacks vs. shark attacks, etc. etc. As always, vote for the teams that you like best, the ones that make your heart twerk with glee, the ones that make your body say: "Yas."

Welcome to Day 2 of Jezebel's March Madness, ladies and gentlemen! We've got a lot to plow through today, so let's get started.

Get ready to start using that sexy little brain of yours, because March Madness 2015: Internet vs. IRL is about to commence. I'm your host, the very cool and knowledgeable one who didn't really get how brackets worked until today.