Your July 4th Open Thread: Happy Sweet Sixteen Malia Obama!

Happy Independence Day folks. Today is Malia Obama's 16th birthday! How American is that?! So Yanks and others who are celebrating with us: be safe tonight! Drink, grill, eat, and set off potentially illegal firecrackers, and celebrate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence/Will Smith's greatest movie to… » 7/04/14 5:00pm 7/04/14 5:00pm

Jerk Journalist Doesn't Give a Shit About Standards, Writes About Sasha…

Matthew Boyle, a "reporter" at, just yesterday penned an exclusive piece in which he abandons journalistic conventions as well as common decency by revealing the location of Sasha and Malia Obama's spring break. The first sentence of his article reads: "A source tipped Breitbart News off to the First… » 3/26/13 6:40pm 3/26/13 6:40pm

Pippa Middleton Trades Writing for Belgian Boar Hunting

Shockingly, nobody is looking for any more crack party planning advice from Pippa Middleton since her book Celebrate made a fart noise that echoed throughout the publishing industry (although tips like "Make ice!!!" are extremely helpful), her following two book offers—one on wedding planning and another on… » 1/22/13 9:00am 1/22/13 9:00am

Jennifer Lawrence Denounces Unflattering Paparazzi Pic: 'That's Not My…

Like that candy corn in the crack of your sofa cushions, the movie Cool Runnings or the actor Michael Caine, this is slightly old and yet important: When Jennifer Lawrence sat down with David Letterman Thursday, he procured a paparazzi photo of her in a bikini so that she could "answer" for her saggy butt. JLaw… » 1/21/13 9:00am 1/21/13 9:00am

Why Did the NRA Say That Sasha and Malia Have 11 Armed School Guards?…

Loyal Jezebel readers/ most people will have seen the charming NRA video which stays really classy by going after Obama's children and calling the President an "elitist hypocrite." Well, they released another video (because they are real auters of le cinema) in which they call Obama a "HYPOCRITE" again, for saying,… » 1/18/13 6:30pm 1/18/13 6:30pm

The White House Doesn't Want Bikini-Body Obsessed World Leering at…

Last week, President Barack Obama and his family were in Hawaii for their annual Christmas vacation. Photographers captured several moments of POTUS during the trip, including a jaunt to a shave ice shop and a golf outing. Some vacation shots, like this one, are actually released by the White House itself. But when a… » 1/08/13 12:50pm 1/08/13 12:50pm

Can You Believe Malia Obama Is Already 14?

Sure, it's America's birthday, but did you know that it's also Malia Obama's birthday? Well, it is, and she's turning 14. FOURTEEN? It seems like just yesterday that she was a little girl on the campaign trail with her family, and now she's turned into an amazingly poised teenager. We looked away for, like, one… » 7/04/12 11:15pm 7/04/12 11:15pm

Santorum Reaches New Low, Calls Obama a Bad Dad for Letting Malia…

It's usually Mitt Romney that gets compared to a robot, but it's beginning to seem highly likely that Rick Santorum is actually the one that was created in a lab. Perhaps he was designed by evil scientists (from the future!) specifically to say the most annoying possible thing in any given situation—like those… » 3/20/12 11:15pm 3/20/12 11:15pm

Obama Shops For Daughters' Christmas Gifts With Reporters In Tow

Hopefully Sasha and Malia Obama won't be going online or turning on the TV in the next few days, because every news outlet in America is reporting on what President Obama bought them for Christmas. This afternoon Obama took Bo to Pet Smart and bought him a bone and a chew toy for $41. Then he headed to Best Buy, where… » 12/21/11 11:20pm 12/21/11 11:20pm