On Thursday, a couple hours after pharma-villain Martin Shkreli was arrested on suspicion of securities fraud, I looked up in the mirror and saw his face. Well, it wasn’t actually his face. It was my face, but for a heartbeat, I looked a lot like him, leading to this very important Q:

Fox’s new horror comedy Scream Queens is, as the title suggests, a sendup to the horror films that came before it, but that doesn’t mean that the show is solely paying tribute to the slasher genre. In fact, it looks like the entire mean teen movie pantheon is getting its due and last night’s trope victim was the teen…

You’re gonna have to do some prep work for this one: go print out a bunch of pictures of dogs, preferably on cardstock. If you don’t have any dogs of your own, feel free to go creep my Instagram and use mine. They are quite photogenic.

Whenever I wear makeup—which is nearly every day, even when I don’t leave the safe confines of my studio apartment and venture out into the world, because the Equal Rights Amendment never passed and the patriarchy still runs this bitch—I do so begrudgingly.

Welcome back to Mall Makeovers where we send readers to, you guessed it, the mall for, you guessed it, a makeover. If you’d like to volunteer for an upcoming installment, send us an email.

NOTE 1: You’ll wanna wear a lower cut shirt for this look; the lines on your neck and collarbones really help sell the cel shade effect more than anything you do to your face. Plus, you can give yourself cartoon boobs!

This July I hopped on the Trans-Siberian Railway and traveled from China to Russia via train, with a few stops along the way. I got makeovers in malls in Beijing, Ulaanbaatar, and Moscow. The following details three makeovers from three wildly different cities, and also the progression of my bang growth over three…

Welcome back to Mall Makeovers where we send readers to, you guessed it, the mall for, you guessed it, a makeover. If you’d like to volunteer for an upcoming installment, send us an email.

Welcome back to Mall Makeovers where we send readers to, you guessed it, the mall for, you guessed it, a makeover. If you’d like to volunteer for an upcoming installment, send us an email.

Welcome back to Mall Makeovers where we send readers to, you guessed it, the mall for, you guessed it, a makeover. If you’d like to volunteer for an upcoming installment, send us an email.

Welcome back to Mall Makeovers where we send readers to, you guessed it, the mall for, you guessed it, a makeover. If you’d like to volunteer for an upcoming installment, send us an email.

Welcome back to Mall Makeovers where we send readers to, you guessed it, the mall for, you guessed it, a makeover. If you’d like to volunteer for an upcoming installment, send us an email.

Welcome back to Mall Makeovers where we send readers to, you guessed it, the mall for, you guessed it, a makeover. This is another expat edition so each of our subjects is a bit of a fish out of water. If you'd like to volunteer for an upcoming installment, send us an email.

I'm not a very good spy. I was as stealthy as Maxwell Smart on this assignment, prying information from Las Vegas's makeup counter saleswomen on "what's on trend" and "what most women ask for." Many looked at me with pity. More than once, a woman with blue lipstick or purple eyebrows said to me "Giiirl, you need to…

Welcome back to Mall Makeovers. If you'd like to volunteer for an upcoming installment, send us an email.

Welcome back to Mall Makeovers where we send readers to, you guessed it, the mall for, you guessed it, a makeover. This is another expat edition, so each of our subjects is a bit of a fish out of water. If you'd like to volunteer for an upcoming installment, send us an email!

On paper I am inarguably average. 5'4", blonde (mostly, also unnaturally), size 12-14 depending on my yoga and champagne intake, blue allergen-prone eyes.

Being an expat in Lebanon has its challenges, especially when you're pale, blonde and built like a boy. Bras rarely come in less than a C cup and hair colorists don't always know their way around shades of wheat and honey. But rather than fight it, I decided to finally embrace Beirut's beauty norms with a mall…