90,000 Pounds of Tainted Chicken Caesar Salad Recalled from Sam's Club

Ladies. Please don't panic, please breathe, but there is a situation. It's salad. SALAD HAS BETRAYED US. Sam's Club has recalled more than 90,000 pounds of chicken caesar salad for possible listeria monocytogenes contamination—a bacteria that can cause "fever, muscle aches, headache, stiff neck, confusion, loss of… » 8/25/14 3:30pm 8/25/14 3:30pm

All Your Food Is Poisoned. Do Not Eat Any of the Food.

Sorry in advance if you were planning on eating food today, but I've got some bad news. LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS FULL OF POISON AND/OR FECES. Your food is trying to kill you. "But Lindy," you might say, "Not eating the food will surely kill me as well. It is known as starvation, and it's really bad for you." To which I… » 5/22/14 5:50pm 5/22/14 5:50pm

McDonalds's Apple Slices Recalled Because They're Crawling with Disease

Neat! Remember when everyone went gaga about calories and health and so all the fast food chains scrambled to invent some hella gross wilty cheese-covered "salads" and gave kids the option of having apples and walnuts instead of fries with their 8,000-calorie cheeseburgers? (Health crisis solved!) Well, turns out… » 8/13/12 7:15pm 8/13/12 7:15pm