A Bunch of Pro-Lifers Are Trying to Boycott Girl Scout Cookies

Pro-lifers are mad that maybe, possibly, someone at the Girl Scouts of the USA could've conceivably obliquely hinted that Wendy Davis isn't literally Satan. Consequently, a Texas pro-life group is attempting to rally the pitchforks for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies. Attempting to punish a bunch of 10-year-olds over… » 1/30/14 6:00pm 1/30/14 6:00pm

Women Forced To View Their Ultrasounds Will Have Abortions Anyway

A massive new study has disproved the common conservative notion that women who want abortions are idiots who don't know what a pregnancy is; even after looking at ultrasounds, more than 98% of them went ahead with the procedure. And the ones who did change their minds were among a tiny sliver of abortion-seeking… » 1/09/14 3:15pm 1/09/14 3:15pm

Poll: GOP Men Don't Think We Need Any More Ladies In Government

Fetch the smelling salts, I'm about to pass out from shock — a new poll reveals that there is a big gap in attitudes between liberals and conservatives when it comes to the role women should play in the government. And— surprise of surprises — the group with the least forward-thinking view of all is conservative men. » 10/29/13 5:15pm 10/29/13 5:15pm

How Screwed Would We Be Without Lady Legislators? A Statistical Analysis

Today, the pro-choice, pro-lady Political Action Committee EMILY's List is launching a tool that will make you simultaneously proud to be a woman and terrified of an America where women aren't given a chance to lead. It's called The Impact Project, and it traces the role Democratic female lawmakers have had in passing… » 8/20/12 10:50am 8/20/12 10:50am

I Know You're Mad at Chick-fil-A, But Stop Taking It Out on Fat People

If you're like me, you're probably pretty mad at Chick-Fil-A for being a bunch of bigoted medieval anti-gay dickheads. And rightfully so. I mean, what geological epoch is this? What kind of a fucking petrified, exhumed garbage pharaoh do you have to be to maintain the drive and energy to hate gay people in 2012—let… » 8/03/12 2:25pm 8/03/12 2:25pm

Glenn Beck-Produced, Homo-Free Version of Musical Theater to Feature…

Professional jerk Glenn Beck sure does admire Glee, but he hates the show's "everyone get along and be gay all over if you want" message. In response, he's going to use the $12 bajillion dollars he got in exchange for selling his eternal soul to Rupert Murdoch's wrinkled skin suit to produce a star-studded, expensive, » 6/19/12 4:15pm 6/19/12 4:15pm

Congress Quite Literally Talks Like a Bunch of 15-Year-Olds

Congress's terrible approval ratings have finally been explained — turns out, America's elected representatives are so fucking irritating because they talk at roughly the level of sophomores in high school, which means they can't possibly be legislating at anything higher than a 7th grade level. We've put mental… » 5/21/12 10:50am 5/21/12 10:50am

How to Convince Hillary Clinton to Run for President in 2016 (Even…

Hillary Clinton told a crowd earlier today that she won't be running for President in 2016, and while she didn't come right out and say it, she sort of implied that she's tired of the unique brand of bullshit The People have flung at her during her decades-long career in the public eye. What can the hopeful masses do… » 5/07/12 11:30am 5/07/12 11:30am

John McCain Plans To Win The "Real" America After You Godless Commies…

  • McCain and his staff have smartly given up trying to win an electoral mandate and are pursuing a "narrow-victory strategy." What that means is that they have no intention of doing anything other than personally attacking Obama for the next 18 days in order to freak people out that they can squeak out an Electoral…
  • » 10/17/08 6:40pm 10/17/08 6:40pm

Revealed: How To Scare A Republican, Bore A Democrat

Does this picture make you clench your anus in horror, sweat and dart your eyes around wildly? If so, you might be arachnophobic! Or a Republican, especially if it also makes you want to nuke Iran, force-march illegal immigrants back to Mexico, firebomb abortion clinics and do... something with gay people (yeah, I ran… » 9/19/08 3:40pm 9/19/08 3:40pm