No, Johnny Depp, Amber Heard does not want to settle her domestic violence suit.

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we honestly cannot take any precious time to write a satisfactory introduction because there is something super important we need to discuss. This week, Tom is leaving his church, Jennifer Aniston is preg, and the best story of all time.

“I mean we all have types,” said Jezebel’s Managing Editor Kate Dries this morning as we discussed a very famous man’s newest companion. And she’s right! We do all have types. We are immediately drawn to certain hair colors, heights, and bodies. But some of us look more deeply into a person before choosing them as…

Oscar-winning screenwriter David Franzoni created Gladiator, and now he’s writing the story of a man who battled within the arena of his own mind. The Muslim poet and scholar Rumi lived in 13th century Afghanistan, then the outskirts of the Persian Empire; he is still well beloved, and soon his life will be on the big…

Spring is here, my friends, and just as nature’s seeds are blooming, so is the wokeness of a select group of men who just get it, ya know?

“You can call me Academy Award Winning Leo D,” he breathed in her ear.

Leonardo DiCaprio got an Oscar and saw that there were no more mountains to climb, so he went back to Victoria’s Secret models.

Indonesia, a country, and Leonardo DiCaprio, an actor, are apparently on the rocks. In fact, the former is threatening to impose a ban, preventing our favorite iced-over lover from crossing its borders. Indonesia, apparently, can let go —and it just might, thanks.

Thank you, James Corden, for reminding me that I will never, ever stop wanting to be in an intimate student-mentor relationship with Jennifer Lopez.

Olivia Wilde, the planet’s last surviving Cro-Magnon woman, recently revealed to Howard Stern that she was turned down for the role of Leonardo DiCaprio’s wife in 2013's The Wolf of Wall Street because of her impressively old age.

For a few dollars, you too can be like recent Oscar winner Leonardo DiCaprio; at least, that’s the sales pitch one Girl Scout troop in New York led with, and if we’re honest, don’t we all want to live like Leo in his free time?

Tina Fey is weary of folks acting like she should be grateful for the small strides comedy has made towards gender equity, and we all continue to be weary of people requesting cookies for doing what they’re supposed to do.

After two decades with a sign that says “PUSSY POSSE: NO GIRLS ALLOWED (UNLESS UR NAKED OR BROUGHT WEED)” hanging outside their perpetually sticky clubhouse, Leonardo DiCaprio and his closest bros have decided to change the name of their clique.

It looks like a second infuriating, gut-wrenching season of Netflix’s Making a Murderer is on the way. Lord, help us all.

Leonardo DiCaprio definitely vaped after his Oscar win Sunday night, but for those watching at home, it seemed highly probable that he’d also vaped beforehand: the dude was so mellow it was almost like he was back on the bow of the Titanic with the wind in his hair. So here’s Leo, just soaking it all in. Feels good to…

Last night, as The Boy Who Won stood onstage to thank a bunch of strangers for giving him a new piece of guest bathroom decor, the main duty of his right hand was to clutch the Oscar statue. To hold it tight. To begin a lifetime of cherishing. But while four of Leo’s digits held the little gold man, his middle finger…

First of all, I’d like to thank the asshats at the Academy for ending Leonardo DiCaprio’s decades of suffering and finally giving him that trivial trophy he so desperately craved and campaigned for this entire awards season despite his acting being pretty regularé in Revenant.

A Kardashian/Jenner in an incident involving a totaled car is a dime a dozen nowadays, and it looks like the latest member of the infamous reality TV brood to make headlines for a vehicular cock-up is Kendall.

If there’s one thing that everyone says about Kanye West, it’s that they have an opinion they’d like to share about him. Kim Kardashian wants us all to take a seat.

An informal Oscar strategist named Peggy Siegal dropped some hot goss in a Vanity Fair interview that makes Leonardo DiCaprio seem thirstier for an Academy Award than a 41-year-old man is thirsty for validation on a private island of 22-year-old models.