Beastie Boys to Monster Energy: a $668,000 'Fuck You'

Another day, another hard-earned victory for the remaining members of the Beastie Boys, who today won a lawsuit against Monster Energy for using the band’s songs in a commercial without their permission. Monster is now responsible for paying $668,000 of the Beasties’ legal bills, reports AP Online.
Tireless Woman to Sue Every Goddamn Homo In This Great Nation
66-year-old Sylvia Driskell of Auburn, Nebraska, is no longer content to stand idly by as homosexuals, emissaries of the devil, continue to wipe their lube-stained butts across America’s flag. That’s why she’s declared herself an ambassador of god and Jesus Christ (his son) and is asking the courts “is homosexuality a…
SCOTUS Rules Beliefs of Your Boss Trump Your Access to Contraceptives
In a yet another ruling that indicates that we'd enjoy better legal protection if we just incorporated our reproductive organs and sent them to murder civilians in Iraq, the Supreme Court has ruled that corporations that are "closely held" cannot be required to provide contraceptive coverage. Which means that under…
The First Gay Couples Who Got Married in Minnesota Will Make You Smile
Even if you've got the cold, bitter heart of someone ruined by years of endless OKCupid dates, photos of gay people getting married always make quick work at melting those icy walls away. Case in point: looking at the many couples that stayed up overnight to be the first to get married in Minnesota, where gay…
A Recent History of Legal Weight Loss Drugs
Like finding a cure for hair loss or the secret to female pleasure, one of the holy grails of the pharmaceutical industry is inventing a pill that will help people lose weight without dying. Except for some reason it keeps not working out, because side effects are revealed and people get sick and die. This system…
Do Your Google Search Results Imply You Were Asking For It?
23-year-old Jennifer Bennett was beaten, choked, and raped for 5 hours by her Match.com date, anesthesiologist Dr. Thomas Bray. Her rapist was eventually sentenced to 25 years in prison, but not before Bray's legal team attempted to look through Bennett's Facebook account, email, and Google search queries — the…
A Romantic Way to Make Your Valentine's Day More Official
The romantic terms of Valentine's Day can be so vague. There are all those "Will you be mine?" questions and those loose, non-binding promises to "Be true." But those are typically printed on candy and not legally actionable. Good news: That's all about to change thanks to this handy website, where you and your…
The Complete Guide To Stupid Sexual Harassment Defense Arguments
Recently Lisa Beauchamp sued her employer, the Teamsters Local 150 in Sacramento, for sexual harassment after a union official said not-sexy sex things to her, touched her inappropriately, and traded massages with a group of "office party girls" during workplace functions. A jury found for Beauchamp, but dang—she lost…
Former ‘Perverted Justice’ Volunteer Sent To Prison For Creating Computer Virus
Bruce Raisley, the 48-year-old former volunteer with 'Perverted Justice' (better known as the organization that works with the NBC show To Catch a Predator via hidden camera investigations) who was convicted six months ago of "launching a malicious computer program designed to attack computers and Internet sites", has…
5 Women Sue Texas Instruments Over Birth Defects
Five women claim that their children's birth defects -– including scoliosis, partial blindness, and ADHD -– were caused by exposure to "hazardous chemicals and substances" at the company's Dallas and Santa Cruz facilities.
This Is How Your Jen Aniston Sausage Gets Made
Yesterday we posted what appears to be unretouched photos of Jennifer Aniston looking tan and freckle-faced — that is, before the Photoshoppers got to her. This did not go over well with the folks whose watermark was on that image.
