Lance Armstrong Reportedly Paid $100,000 To Rival Cyclist To Throw Race

More terrible news out of one of the worst downfalls in sports history. According to a story in the New York Post, Lance Armstrong (a guy we moved from the Makes Texas Seem Cool column to the Yet Another Shitty Embarrassment pile) reportedly gave a rival cyclist a cake box filled with $100,000 cash to throw a race. Oh… » 12/14/13 11:30am 12/14/13 11:30am

Serial Dater John Mayer Lurches Over To Allison Williams

Despite Katy Perry's best efforts, one cannot domesticate the Wild Striped Douchebag, and John Mayer is no exception. Like the Countess Elizabeth Báthory, best remembered for bathing in the blood of virgins to retain her youth, it was only a matter of time before Mayer found the latest zeitgeisty female It-person and… » 1/29/13 9:00am 1/29/13 9:00am

Nicki Minaj Storms Off Idol Because Mariah's So Fucking Annoying

After an adolescence spent singing Toby Keith covers at block parties and anxiously folding over the waistband of her Soffe shorts in the mirror every morning before school, just wishing she could wake up and be somebody, poor 20-year-old Georgia ingenue Summer Cunningham's big break on American Idol was… » 1/24/13 9:00am 1/24/13 9:00am

Pippa Middleton Trades Writing for Belgian Boar Hunting

Shockingly, nobody is looking for any more crack party planning advice from Pippa Middleton since her book Celebrate made a fart noise that echoed throughout the publishing industry (although tips like "Make ice!!!" are extremely helpful), her following two book offers—one on wedding planning and another on… » 1/22/13 9:00am 1/22/13 9:00am

Jennifer Lawrence Denounces Unflattering Paparazzi Pic: 'That's Not My…

Like that candy corn in the crack of your sofa cushions, the movie Cool Runnings or the actor Michael Caine, this is slightly old and yet important: When Jennifer Lawrence sat down with David Letterman Thursday, he procured a paparazzi photo of her in a bikini so that she could "answer" for her saggy butt. JLaw… » 1/21/13 9:00am 1/21/13 9:00am

Jennifer Lopez Pissed About This Truly Hideous Magazine Cover

Despite the claim on this week's People magazine cover, Jennifer Lopez DOES have one regret: Camp J. Lo is intensely unhappy with the cover photo, accompanying an interview with the star that is timed precisely to upstage Mariah Carey's judging stint on American Idol. Unfortunately, the plan backfired, as Lopez… » 1/18/13 9:00am 1/18/13 9:00am

Lena Dunham Proclaims Herself Not That Fat 'For Like, Detroit'

Professional semi-endearing obnoxious person Howard Stern has backtracked (not apologized, he clarifies) from ragging on professional semi-endearing obnoxious person Lena Dunham. After Girls co-star Jemima Kirke tipped Dunham off that Stern had called her "a little fat chick who sort of looks like Jonah Hill and keeps… » 1/17/13 9:00am 1/17/13 9:00am

Shocking: John Mayer Hath Torn Katy Perry's Pez Dispenser Heart Asunder

Sometimes great love stories last for a lifetime, and the time after that, and generations of children to come know and cherish their romance-steeped heritage, and other times "Katy Perry and John Mayer don't seem to be doing whatever it was they were doing anymore," say tabloids. Which was fucking, obviously. A… » 8/24/12 9:00am 8/24/12 9:00am

Sarah Jessica Parker Threw a Party For Obama and Aretha Franklin Bailed…

After weeks of having her house elves prettify the brownstone, last night was Carrie Bradshaw's $40,000-per-person fundraiser for President Barack Obama. Although pixie druid Matthew Broderick was not in attendance (occupied by a performance of his Broadway musical "Nice Work If You Can Get It"), the guests included … » 6/15/12 9:00am 6/15/12 9:00am