In today's Tweet Beat, I'm not mad at Kirstie Alley's thirst, I'm just mad that it's over Justin Bieber, international supermodel Jourdan Dunn is beautiful and Boy George just found out that Stephen Fry is gay.

Hello, stargazers! Scarlett Johansson would like you to please STOP calling her "ScarJo" because ScarJo is a nickname and nicknames are for friends and Scarlett Johansson is NO FRIEND OF YOURS. In an interview with Glamour, she explained that "there's something insulting about it."

Upset about a recent 30-pound weight gain, Kirstie Alley has reprised her role as lady-who-yells-at-you-about-Jenny-Craig—a job she last held seven years ago. Welcome back, Kirstie! It seems like you never left us. (No, really. Does anyone actually feel like they've had a break from Kirstie Alley yelling about how…

In today's Tweet Beat, Ellen DeGeneres plays a trick on her audience, Kirstie Alley is literally not kidding, and Danielle Staub has a fake awkward moment.

Incredibly, Justin Timberlake genuinely seemed to have no idea that "Take Back The Night," his latest club single for all of us to get SeXXXy to, shares a name with a massive sexual assault awareness campaign.

K8 Middleton, rather delightfully referred to in this New York Daily News article as a "queasy royal," is feeling a little better after getting fluids but remains in London's King Edward VII hospital due to severe Wingardium Leviosa!! hyperemesis gravidarum. A palace spokesman wants everyone concerned for Kate to know…

The National Enquirer, bastion of all legitimate-and-definitely-not-made-up-by-peoples'-greed-and-imagination news, reports that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's slinky, uber-sexual union is being torn asunder by, of all things, Tivo. Brad's allegedly pissed at Angelina for secretly recording episodes of her ex Jonny…

Vote today, you guys! Vote! OK? Even if you're just a sycophant with no political leanings, vote because your favorite celebrities want you to. As Jay-Z substituted "Mitt" for "bitch" onstage during "99 Problems" at an Ohio rally for President Obama, Beyonce was at home writing a very nice letter to our president:…

Apparently "the gay community of Hollywood" isn't surprised by the rumors that Joe Simpson has come out to his family after the dissolution of his three-decade marriage, because some 21-year-old punk-ass West Hollywood kid has been going around and "boasting" about dating the 54-year-old former youth pastor for at…

Blue Ivy is eight months old now, and there is some frantic speculation this morning that Beyoncé is pregnant again thanks to some "baby bump" shots taken at a restaurant in Washington Heights that could just as easily indicate Bey had a great meal; not necessarily that there is not another little BeyJay to look…

Jennifer Aniston continues attempting in vain to make everyone feel OK about her awesome, independent, filthy-rich yet somehow still pretty likeable perma-playtime sad, unwedded, spurned, childless existence in an interview with GQ Spain: "'A perfect life?' I think that's sort of cliché, isn't it?. Like, if you want…

What happens when you're young, in love (with both your girlfriend and Adam Sandler movies), and have tons of connections just sitting around collecting dust? If you're Justin Bieber, you get private access to the Staples center just so you can watch epic tearjerker Titanic with your special lady friend.

Today in Tweet Beat, Kirstie Alley catches wind of a tabloid story about her weight loss. Plus, Katie Couric learns a new word!