Fuck Santa! Kirk Cameron's New Movie Gives Baby Jesus His Birthday Back

Let me tell you guys my idea of a perfect Christmas. You wake up like it's any other day—it might not feel like December 25, it might even feel like, say, August 27—you go to work, you eat your sandwich, you shoulder life's banality with the resignation of a much older woman, and then...someone sends you a link. You… » 8/27/14 11:30pm Wednesday 11:30pm

No, You Can't Just Pull Your Kids Out of School to Wait for the Rapture

A Texas court ruled last week that a pair of Christian homeschooling parents who stopped teaching their nine kids because they believed the Rapture was imminent (and everyone knows that the best thing about heaven is NOBODY QUIZZES YOU ABOUT THE BATTLE OF HASTINGS) are not, in fact, allowed to just do that. » 8/11/14 4:15pm 8/11/14 4:15pm

Now You Can Listen to Lindsay Lohan's Hysterical Phone Call About Her…

This has been one fucked up day for the Lohan clan. Like, I can't really even follow what's been going on. But as far as I can tell, Lindsay and Dina partied all night and eventually got into an argument about an errant $40k that Lindsay had loaned her mom. Then they clawed at each other's faces for a while until… » 10/10/12 9:00pm 10/10/12 9:00pm

Kirk Cameron Opens His Mouth Just Wide Enough to Accommodate His Stinky…

Zombie child actor Kirk Cameron refuses to stay in the cool, dark earth of his television career, and so has reached a necrotic limb into the media once again to talk about...himself. Specifically, Cameron would like everyone to know that all the bigoted stuff he said about gay people to Piers Morgan was taken out of… » 9/10/12 10:20am 9/10/12 10:20am

In the Name of Jesus: Kirk Cameron's History of Being Awful

Perhaps you've heard the news that '80s sitcom star turned Evangelical soldier Kirk Cameron recently came to the defense of Todd Akin after the congressman made incendiary, and frankly nonsensical, statements regarding vaginal capabilities, conception, and "legitimate rape" as some kind of argument against a woman's… » 8/22/12 2:30pm 8/22/12 2:30pm

Kirk Cameron, World's Least Relevant Man, Leaps to the Defense of Todd…

Oh goddamnit, America, WHY do you keep asking Kirk Cameron questions? The man literally believes that during his lifetime he and all his best fwiends are going to be whisked up to a magical slumber party in the sky, while the rest of us are stuck down here on earth fighting an undying army of frog-dragons. BECAUSE OF… » 8/21/12 8:45pm 8/21/12 8:45pm

Katy Perry and ‘Ginger Ninja' Prince Harry Plan Romp on Palace Grounds

English tabloid editors have tipped their bowler hats at their US counterparts by printing some of the best erotic fan fiction we've seen for some time – a breathless blow-by-blow account of Prince Harry's plan to woo Katy Perry by pushing to have her play at the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. "Harry has a double reason for… » 3/06/12 9:00am 3/06/12 9:00am

Kirk Cameron Will Totally Tell His Kids that Gay Marriage Is a Sin

Here's a trivia trick question that will throw future film and TV buffs for a loop: Growing Pains is a) the name of a popular 80s sitcom about an affluent family in Huntington, New York, or b) the documentary that actor/Old Testament fanboy Kirk Cameron's gay children make about growing up under relentless pressure… » 3/04/12 2:00pm 3/04/12 2:00pm

Mary J. Blige Expresses Oprah Aphorisms On Growing Pains

It's been six years since reigning hip-hop diva Mary J. Blige put a moratorium on drama and critics are now wondering if Mary's placid new life makes her new album Growing Pains, well, kinda painful. Mary's no-drama mantra works for her: most reviewers are finding that while her Pains (out tomorrow) might be mundane,… » 12/17/07 3:20pm 12/17/07 3:20pm