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New York, 1:38 PM
Sat Nov 7
62 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/03/09
11/03/09
And by the same token--what if that describes Mom? (It describes MY mom half the time, who rants, raves, threatens, makes a big deal of things my father doesn't, like whether or not my 21 year-old brother's friends could drink a few beers at our house, so long as they didn't get hammered. Never did.)
My parents have different parenting styles. To be fair, my father is more lenient when it comes to everything but school-related safe. None of us have dangerous friends or other dangerous habits, none of us are law-breaking tendencies. My mother makes unilateral decisions, and when my father questions them, she loses her shit. If one or both the parents don't know how to handle things, who gives a shit if they agree? That's the least of the family's problems.
Going back to the idea of at least ONE parent balancing understanding/authority with their kid--who will help the kids when the difference isn't simply one parent "micromanaging" a different-but-legitimate style, but micromanaging because one parent's way of doing things neglect the problem, worsen it, create conflict where there shouldn't be any, or effectively blow that kid off (i.e , when a kid has problems with bullies at school and brings it up to parents, the parent fails to sympathize and simply demands kids meet every challenge to fight that bully at school, shaming them if they seek adults out for help in the future or if they lose a fight?)
Different article, I guess.
Sometimes parental conflict (or even absence) isn't the only thing amiss here....
11/03/09
Even with that we (still) get in to all sorts of shenanigans together and its fun. #dads
11/03/09
My mom's a hard-core feminist, a high-powered lawyer, the whole shebang, but she was raised by a suburban housewife. And while she has a low opinion of housewifery (overly so, I feel), I think she has such powerful memories of her mother that she identifies with that role. You read/hear sometimes about women who get anxious or hurt if their children look to Dad when they're sick or sad or whatever, which I think is natural given societal expectations. So we DEFINITELY need to give dads more credit--and we also need to value women as anything other than mothers. #dads
11/03/09
I used to work on a parenting study. We saw the mom and kid in the lab, but dad only filled out surveys at home. Once a father called me to yell at me- why wasn't he being included in the study?
I had to explain to him that of the 100+ families I'd recruited into the study, this was the first time a father had asked to be involved. Another lab on the same floor did fathering research and they had a horrible time getting dads to come. So the lead researcher on my study had choosen to focus on mothers.
I think we do need to emphasize more that both parents are important, but I don't think it is just pink walls keeping dads out of these programs. #dads
11/03/09
11/03/09
11/03/09
11/03/09
11/04/09
11/03/09
I knew that would happen. This is innacurate because MY dad wasn't like this.
He was hardly saying that every single father on the planet acted a certain way, but considering he is a doctor who wrote a book on the subject, can't we give him the benefit of the doubt that he has maybe noticed patterns among the behavior of both genders? Sure, it won't apply to every single mom and dad out there, but discounting it because it doesn't apply to your individual father doesn't really help, either. #dads
11/03/09
11/03/09
11/03/09
Like you said, the exceptions to the rule don't disprove the rule.
But isn't this the kind of place to open up the discussion to our own experiences?
Ugh, yeah. Color me torn. #dads
11/03/09
It's important to explore why the generalizations hold true (hint: it's usually not coded in the DNA but results from conditioning, inequalities, etc.).
Refuting the generalization doesn't prove the generalization wrong. #dads
11/04/09
It's like, "OMG, someone generalized about men but didn't state the obvious that this doesn't apply to ALL MEN! Sound the alarms! Release the dogs!" #dads
11/03/09
Sometimes I think I would just like to have a kid by myself because all of this resulted in my growing up with some major control issues and I know it is going to kill me to let my partner do anything on their own when it comes to any potential future children #dads
11/03/09
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11/03/09
Of course, those are also sweeping generalizations, but the cultural pressure is there, no matter what parents do. #dads
11/03/09
11/03/09
I think that a lot of people who were raised in a gendered way, identify in that way, and have fond memories of it, have a hard time understanding how it might be limiting or harmful to others. My mom has somewhat of an understanding, but always insists that I need to be more "feminine". Her original worry was that I'd never get a boyfriend. Nothing has changed about me, yet I have one. Now, it's "don't you want to look your best? Take better care of yourself?". Because it's fun for her, she can't seem to understand why it's not fun for me. :/ #dads
11/03/09
11/03/09
10/30/09
10/30/09
So no Lindsay Lohan costume then?
(I'M KIDDING. BAngieB's gonna take a hit out on me.) #halloweencostumes
10/30/09
10/30/09
I remember masks being banned in elementary school, but not "scary costumes". Seriously, what the hell? Now kids who didn't go costume shopping until the last minute can't just cut two holes in a sheet and go as a ghost? Ridiculous. #halloweencostumes
10/30/09
To me, Halloween has always been about having fun with the things are a bit darker about life. Things that scare or horrify you...death, the undead, etc.
I think the quote about some people thinking it's "satanic" is telling...there has always been a superstitious element that objects to Halloween's pagan roots, even if they don't always know that's what they're doing.
Also, I don't know if anyone has noticed this but...childhood is scary sometimes. Kids should be allowed to explore that if they want to, especially in a such harmless way as a Halloween costume. To me, it's like people freaking out about their kids dyeing their hair pink or blue. Kids need outlets and ways to express themselves. Better than drugs or actually self-destructive behavior. #halloweencostumes
10/30/09
10/30/09
But then, kids go trick or treating, yes? One would think they'd see that then, too. And it's important for kids to learn about what's real and what isn't.
It sounds like it's any scary or "non wholesome" costume. I just personally think that's ridiculous. And I think there's an odd, superstitiousness, underpinning this. Plus a lot of the weird sanitizing of everything. It's not the worst thing in the world for a kid to get scared, and if you prepare kids ahead of time, it should be fine. #halloweencostumes
10/30/09
I think that if we want to promote equality and tolerance, we should help break down stereotypes of "person with piercings = murderer", too. Besides, if you can't do it before you have to get a job, when can you do it? #halloweencostumes
10/30/09
I think the "non-wholesome" side of this is ridiculous too - my high school had all sorts of rules about what color you could dye your hair, piercings, etc. that were out of hand. That being said, I don't really have as much of a problem with the really scary stuff being restricted in elementary schools. It is a bit much in middle or high school, but I think about 3-year-old pre-K at some schools and think those kids may be a bit young for some things. #halloweencostumes
10/30/09
I can't help feeling like we're so sanitized and removed from gore and superstition and darkness all the time, that it's nice to take time out to revel in it. #halloweencostumes
10/30/09