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Kids

Tweenage Wasteland Girl Guides (the UK name of Girl Scouts) has released a report called A Generation Under Stress. The study was complied from an online survey of 350 girls and eight focus groups, and some of the results are startling: Many of the 10-14 year olds think that self-harm (cutting) is "normal" behavior for teenagers; 42% know someone who's harmed themselves. 32% know someone with an eating disorder, 50% know someone who suffers from depression, and 40% of the girls say they feel worse about themselves after looking at pictures of glamorous models, pop stars or actresses. (One said: "When I was eleven I read a teen magazine for the first time and that is when it kind of clicked — 'I should be like this.'") 74 % of the girls feel "worried," and 19% have negative thoughts about themselves. The question to consider: What kind of adults do stressed-out, self-harming children become? [Guardian, Daily Mail, Telegraph, BBC]

babies having babies

Teen Parent Does A Crap Job

On last night's Baby Borrowers, the teens traded in their babies for toilet-training toddlers, which proved to be an even bigger challenge. Morgan, the chillaxed SoCal girl, didn't seem to be too stressed about it, even though she made some pretty big errors in childrearing. When her toddler pooped himself, she first let him roll around on her neighbors' couch with just the diaper on until they complained. Then she dragged the kid by the arm across the floor. When she changed his diaper, she didn't even wipe the crap off him, she just put a fresh diaper on. Poor baby probably got a wicked rash from that. The interesting thing about last night's episode is that most of the teen parents were fighting over who would get to work and who would have to stay home with the children that week. Almost all of them wanted to work outside the home, proving just how hard, valid, and important stay-at-home parenting really is. Clip above.

dirt bag

Michael Jackson & New Kids On The Block: Hanging Tough

  • Is Michael Jackson making a comeback with New Kids On The Block? Apparently he's in secret talks to link up with the group, and hopefully it's not just because they have the word "kids" in their name. [Mirror]
  • Um, NKOTB is also doing a song with New Edition. Party like it's 1988! [Just Jared]
  • Oh, dear. Michael Jackson uses a wheelchair now. And "the skin on his hands is peeling, almost like a snake’s." [The Sun]
  • Tom Cruise sent ex-wife Nicole Kidman a "room full of flowers" after she gave birth last weekend. Classy, very classy. [Mirror]
  • Jennifer Garner's pregnant! If you believe this report via the National Enquirer. [Contact Music]
  • Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook have reached a surprise settlement in their divorce case as of 6:15 a.m. Details to come. [People]
More »

i thee dread

Kids & Weddings: Bad Idea?

The headline of this piece from the BBC News site says it all: Should Children Be Banned From Weddings? Lord knows how we got it in our minds that a wedding day should be "perfect." But muse upon this: an Anglican vicar in Staffordshire ordered a toddler to be removed from a church. You're thinking, well, he's trying to perform a ceremony! The kid was probably being a nuisance! Guess what? The child was the son of the bride and groom. Whoops! (Anglicans! First they came for the gays and women, now the kids!) The couple at the heart of this controversy have filed a complaint. But still: A wedding is supposed to be the day that two people celebrate becoming a family. Kids can add to the happiness, to the joy of celebration. Or they can be seen as disruptive, annoying, bawling, screaming and unwelcome additions to an already tense, stressful event. But if a wedding is a family occasion, how can you ban kids? More »

womb raiders

Is It About Time We Made A "Pregnancy Pact" Of Our Own?

The conventional wisdom holds that media types are biased in favor of the Theory of Evolution. So why is it all they seem to print these days are stories hellbent on convincing us that the WRONG PEOPLE are procreating?? No doubt you, too, spent more time over the past few months consuming the latest on the Duggar family and the Spears family, that mysteriously-coiffed cult of inbreds in the Fundamentalist Church of Latter-Day Pedophiles and the seventeen bored teenagers' homeless deadbeat boyfriends than you did having unprotected sex. But is that good for the future of society? The Yemeni man who sold his 8-year-old daughter to the 30-year-old child molester only did it because he had 15 other children to feed on his panhandling income. And yet three thousand miles northwest in an unspeakably gorgeous town in Italy, the week's New York Times Magazine informs us, the mayor is paying women ten thousand Euros for every baby they can make. More »

Teen Mama Drama

Baby Borrowers Proves That Teens Are Big Babies Themselves

Last night was the premiere of the highly anticipated (well, at least by us) reality show "experiment" Baby Borrowers, where a group of teenage couples, who feel that they're ready to start families get to act out the "fantasies." For each episode, they will be raising a family at different stages, through faux pregnancies, caring for infants, toddlers, groups of kids, groups of kids with pets, teens and finally the elderly. It's all super timely considering that whole Gloucester pregnancy pact going on right now. Unsurprisingly, halfway through the first episode, one girl breaks down before the experiment even really begins, proving just how emotionally unready these kids really are. Clip above.

team party crash

Diablo Cody's Birthday: Bunnies, Bouncy Castles And New Kids On The Block

On June 14, our girl Diablo Cody turned the big 3-0. Being the Gemini minx that she is (she shares a star sign with Anna and Dodai, who were born on the 19th and 3rd, respectively), Diablo, the brunette in the center of this photo, couldn't let such an occasion pass without a truly bitchin' party to mark this momentous date. So she secured the Playboy mansion as the site of her debauchery, declared the evening to be pirate-themed, and erected a bouncy castle in her own honor. Though we could not make it to L.A. to attend the party, we sent a Jezebel mole in our place to snap some pics. Courtney Love performed, Lily Allen partied, the New Kids preened and the Grotto was probably peed in. Check out more photographic evidence after the jump! More »

I'm Sorry Officer, It's Just That All The 23-Year-Olds Are Getting Botox These Days… The most disturbing fact about Kellie Thomas, the Florida woman who pulled a so-called "dine and dash" on a $1225 Botox bill last week? The kid was born in 1984 — incidentally, September 11, 1984 — meaning: 1. She was, true to her generation, sufficiently oblivious to the news as to not know she was the target of a manhunt and mostly concerned that her boyfriend would find out. 2. A little young to even think about wanting Botox, yes? Virgos are perfectionists, but shit. Check the "Before/After" shots that led to her arrest by clicking the pic. [TheSmokingGun]

chilling children

Psychic Kids: They See Dead People

Ghosts of children are like, the scariest form of "creepy" to me, and because I enjoy being terrified and creeped out, I'm really into A&E's reality show Psychic Kids. It involves living children talking to ghosts of children. Last night's episode focused on three little girls who all insist that they can see spirits, and they've confessed it to their parents, who obviously don't know what to think. One girl, 8-year-old Faith, believes she has conversations with a dead boy from the late 1800s named Freddie, who was killed by his mother Catherine, another spirit that torments Faith. Watch the clip above as Faith and her mom find out through census records that Freddie and Catherine really did exist.

Loose Lips Dear Best Week Ever: thank you for reminding us that Halle Berry used to date Danny from the New Kids and what she looked like with her old nose. Kisses! • Apparently the Beckhams are crappy tippers, while Ryan Seacrest is a big spender. Maybe Posh n' Becks don't realize you're supposed to leave a gratuity on this side of the pond? • Dustin Hoffman recalls meeting Angelina Jolie as a teen. He described her as a "tall, thin, gawky-looking girl with a mouth full of braces." Ange was awkward as a teen: just like us! [Best Week Ever, TMZ, Us]

kids today

I Saw A Crazy: 'Nanny' Policing Goes Off Rails

I did my weekly scan of "I Saw Your Nanny" this morning. For those unfamiliar with this three-car-pileup phenomenon, it's a site on which people post sightings of "bad nannies." As one might imagine, the snobbery, entitlement, ugliness and paranoia run rampant. But there's also just an element of "wtf?" that makes it impossible to look away. In these covos, there will be, like, five different conversations going on, none of which makes any sense. Take a recent post, "Nudity Crackdown. Starts off pretty standard: a mother complains that her nanny brought her little girl home in wet clothing rather than changing her in public because "the park department is cracking down on naked children at the park because of pedophiles hanging around and perverts standing around taking pictures? Has anyone heard of this? I was at Diana Ross Park on Saturday, (5/24) and there was water to be played in. Many kids were playing in it. Most had clothing on but 2 or 3 were absolutely naked. I thought this was a bit weird given that it was the weekend and there were fathers a plenty hanging out with their children." More »

post partum

So About That Harrowing "Ring Of Fire" Story…

We've written rather extensively on the month's Elle, but there is a meta elephant in the room we've been ignoring because, well duh. It's about what happens to your vagina during childbirth, and it's called "Ring of Fire," apparently an oft-used term for what happens during those final moments before the baby's head rips through your vadge. An additional, uh, "elephant" is that the author obviously read The Rachel Papers, the requisite horrifying exchange we've excerpted after the jump. But anyway. Author claims her vadge returns to something approaching normalcy and that sex is now good. Hm. Okay, so if you want to get married and have kids, you probably believe it's possible for sex to remain good and normal and lusty years into marriage. And it is. Maybe your parents did. Maybe you know one of those women who outrageously got pregnant again, like, right after the first baby came. My grandmother had seven kids and four miscarriages. I don't think she breastfed. I wasn't fucking breast fed, but my brother and sister were, and they're the ones who got all the allergies… More »

pot psychology

"How Do I Tell My Roommate She Has Sex Too Loudly?"

It's time for another installment of Pot Psychology, the advice column in which everyone's problems are solved with an "herbal" remedy. (Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, we're takin' it to the streets, or rather, the park, to seek out those in need of our valuable insight. Rich, tiny pianist Gavin McInnes, and I answered questions about how to make gay friends and what to do with flaccid peens. (Bear with us, our microphone situation got messed up, and the audio is a little fuzzy.) Got a burning question? Send it to tips@jezebel.com with "Pot Psychology" in the subject line. (Please keep them short; they're verrrry hard to read when stoned.)

Loose Lips Did Jessica Simpson's creepy dad ruin her relationship with Tony Romo? According to a source, Joe Simpson was giving "unsolicited advice to Tony on his career, endorsement opportunities and things that have nothing to do with him dating Jessica." Romo will still escort Jess to her sister's emo nuptials this weekend, though. • Beyonce is reportedly in talks to join the cast of Desperate Housewives for at least a cameo appearance, if not more. • NKOTB reunion on the Today show!!! Some of the fans watching the New Kids this morning had camped out since Wednesday to catch an eyeful of Joey, Donnie, Jordan, etc. [TMZ, the Sun, People]

crappy hour

Hillary = Not Exactly The Loser Here, People!

You've all been sending us this think piece from today's Washington Post about how everyone feels so sorry for Hillary Clinton because she reminds men of their first wives. AYE DE MI ENVIA LOS BONERKILLERS! (BOEHNERKILLERS?) So yeah, I Nexis-ed that, and guess what? Republican pollster Frank Luntz said this TWELVE YEARS AGO. Twelve years ago as in, when Lush was on the radio. As in, more than a decade before a preponderantly Republican-appointed court decided banning gay marriage was unamerican, before a certain first wife's gasbag ex-husband devoted a decade of his life to reexamining the life and character of Hillary Clinton, and 12 years before Peggy Noonan pointed out, as she did today, that "Republicans are losing because they are losers." Megan and I cosign after the jump. More »

here's to you, mrs. robinson

Survey: Over 30% Of Moms Are Getting Some On The Side

Most modern wives and mothers would fail this 1939 Marital rating scale that you guys can't stop sending us. The scale is broken into "merits" and "demerits"; the former include playing an instrument, putting the children to bed personally, and being religious, while the demerits involve wearing red nail polish, applying face cream "over-liberally", and flirting with other men in restaurants. According to a new survey from AOL and Cookie many of today's moms are doing a lot more than flirting with other men. In fact, 36% of women who took the survey say they've had an affair since becoming mothers. And although those affairs may be retaliatory — 46% of women suspect their husbands are screwing around — the survey isn't entirely bleak. More »

food for thought

At What Age Is A Kid Too Old To Breastfeed?

Extraordinary Breastfeeding is a documentary that aired in England a few years ago and focused on the country's discomfort with breastfeeding. Issues raised in the film included the right to breastfeed in public, breastfeeding adopted children, and at what age children should be weaned off breast milk. (The average age around the world is four years old, and the World Health Organization recommends that children be breastfed until they are at least two and a half years old.) One woman in the documentary, Veronica, believes that children should decide for themselves when they want to stop. Her daughter is about to turn eight, still breastfeeds, and has absolutely no plans of stopping. Clip — which is somewhat NSFW — above.

Related: Little Britain: Meeting The Parents [YouTube]

sweet baby jesus

Mom-To-17 Michelle Duggar Set To Birth Another Damn Baby

This morning on the Today show, Michelle Duggar, who has given birth to seventeen children, announced that she is pregnant. Again. One of her older sons practically gagged as he responded to the news, and her husband, Jim Bob, said the pregnancy was not planned: "We let the Lord decide," he explained. Oh, God. Anyway: The kids proceeded to shower Michelle with gifts; one daughter said, "My mom mentioned a while back that she really would like a pearl necklace." (Hey kid, maybe she didn't mean jewelry? Maybe it was a quiet plea to get the hubs to try spilling his seed somewhere not near her uterus?) When the same daughter explained that she bought an outfit as a gift because "My mom is usually pregnant," no one could contain their laughter. Clip above. (Oh, and the new baby's name will begin with a J, clearly. Any suggestions? Jennifer, Joshua, John David, Janna, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, and Johannah are already taken.)

Earlier: Matt Lauer: 'Hey, Duggars, What's With All The J Names?'
Family Planning