Once Upton a time (last year), a Victoria's Secret model booker said the brand would never deign to hire Kate Upton because her look was "too obvious." For a store that sells boyshorts for 14-year-olds with "I Get Around" written in glitter on the ass, mind you. "We would never use Kate... She’s like a footballer’s…

Jennifer Aniston, the quintessential grown-up Judy Blume heroine, has a lot of Very Important Decisions to make in the next few months as her wedding to Justin Theroux draws nigh. Apparently she's been quizzing Charlize Theron—mom of one-year-old Jackson Theron—about the process of adoption since mutual friend Chelsea…

It's a classic mistake! I can't tell you the number of times I've accidentally phoned my dad at 4 am to let him know that my mom was the devil and that she'd kidnapped me in a cocaine-fueled rampage and that he should call the police—only to realized later that my mom was actually just catching up on Reader's Digest…

Shrill, polarizing funnyman Zach Galifianakis just got engaged to his longtime girlfriend Quinn Lundberg and the couple's already planning the nuptials for August 11th. Lundberg is the co-founder of Growing Voices, a non-profit organization that connects international donors to community-based projects.

• You know how a ball drops in Times Square at midnight on New Year's Eve? This year, Snooki will be INSIDE.

• Tom Ford, a man who immobilized his forehead with Botox, thinks people should go naked. Especially, well... "Fat women almost always look better without the constraint and lumpy pinching of clothes, all the straps and elastic squeezing and sucking." [ContactMusic]

• Lady Gaga has thrown away all of her old bras and underpants because she will only wear silk underthings now.

• Nicole Richie has obtained a restraining order against a photographer whom she claims is stalking her daughter Harlow Madden.

• Paulina Porizkova on America's Next Top Model: "The one guarantee that you will never make it as a model is to go on that show." Which is both honest and interesting, since she used to judge "that show." [NYPost]

[London, September 15. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• Jennifer Aniston laments: "I've been asked lately, 'Jen, what's this baby food diet all about?'"

• Apparently, Sandra Bullock isn't just good at hiding babies. She filed for divorce in Texas on April 23, but managed to keep the documents out of tabloid reporters' hands with an ingenious trick — she only used her initials.

• Katie Holmes went with a group of her friends to see New Moon in New York. An eyewitness reports: "Katie talked through all of New Moon. It was unbelievable – they talked nonstop about the movie and everything else."

• As you'll recall, Shia LaBeouf injured his hand in a car crash in July 2008. He says: "I'll never be back to 100 percent or have full recovery." And:

• Madonna is in Malawi, asking the court for approval to adopt a second child. [Times of London]
• Madonna's adoption ruling has been delayed until Friday; the court has not revealed why.

• Shh! Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson went on some kind of super secret date in Paris. Don't tell!

• Designer Oscar de la Renta says Hillary Clinton, whom he's dressing for the Inaugural ball, is "very prudish about the type of clothes she likes to wear." It's a constant battle! [People]

In today's Times of London, Keith Richards, for some inexplicable reason, is allowed to free-associate on, of all things, fashion. Behold: "Fashion thinks more about me than what I think about it. I just wore what I wore and people noticed. The sexiest thing a woman could wear? Being stark f***ing naked....I don't do…