Six Insane 'Insights' From the Hypercompetitive Juice Industry

As the juice trend barrels uncontrollably ahead (much like your diarrhea will when juice is all you eat), the titans of the industry are becoming more and more defensive both in response to those who question juice as The Way of Life and with one other. Unbearable debates over what constitutes as "real juice" are popping … » 5/24/13 10:50am 5/24/13 10:50am

Here's the Creepy Industrial Formula for Making 'Natural' Simply Orange…

You know Simply Orange? That juice that's like Tropicana but more simple? You know, from the earth? Well, turns out, it's not made by a snowy-haired grandpa in an orchard of yesteryear, or squeezed betwixt the toes of some poly-questioning hippies who canvas for medical marijuana in their free time, it's made by the… » 2/01/13 7:00pm 2/01/13 7:00pm

Sorry, Cranberry Juice Isn't a Magic Cure-All for Your Lady-Bits

Researchers at the University of Stirling reviewed 24 studies on the effectiveness of cranberry juice in preventing cystitis (a.k.a. bladder infections, a.k.a. GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH). Their findings? Bad news for Ocean Spray. It seems that, despite decades of conventional wisdom that turned vodka-&-cranberries into… » 10/17/12 5:20pm 10/17/12 5:20pm

Pomegranate Juice Found Guilty of Being a Huge Liar

Pomegranate juice is fucking dumb. It costs a million dollars, it's hella bitter and gross, and all it's got going for it are "antioxidants," which is the scientific term for "advertising gimmick." Which is why it's so satisfying to hear that a federal judge has ruled that Pom Wonderful juice "used deceptive advertising… » 5/23/12 10:25am 5/23/12 10:25am

Starbucks Marks the Opening of Its First Fancy Juice Bar With an…

We first learned about Starbucks's plan for World Juice Domination back in November when they purchased juice company Evolution Fresh. Now, lo these many months later, the first Evolution Fresh store has opened in Bellevue, Washington, and, well, it sort of looks like what you'd get if a Whole Foods and a Starbucks… » 3/19/12 9:00pm 3/19/12 9:00pm

FDA Ponders Whether Apple Juice Is Slowly Giving You Cancer

Recently Dr. Oz whipped parents into a frenzy by reporting that apple juice contains dangerous levels of arsenic. The FDA fired back that America's resident poop expert had flubbed his results by testing for both safe organic arsenic and harmful inorganic arsenic, and said issuing warnings about kids drinking juice was … » 12/01/11 2:50pm 12/01/11 2:50pm

Star Jones Keeps The Bitches In Check On Bad Girls Club Reunion

Last night's Bad Girls Club reunion was so awesome. Even if you never watched the series, you'd still be mesmerized by the sheer insanity of grown women wanting to throw down over every little thing, hurling insults about each other's weight, sexual activity, and yes, mamas. Even Star Jones, who hosted the special and… » 5/21/08 12:00pm 5/21/08 12:00pm