While I think that Perez Hilton—who has repeatedly called Prejean a bitch, among other nasty things—has been out of line, I don't believe the same is true for Whoopi. Whoopi referred to Prejean's hostile and defensive demeanor and attitude as "bitchy" during an interpersonal exchange. There's a big difference between calling someone a name, and describing someone's behavior. The former is an insult and the latter is an inference.

Elisabeth didn't seem to grasp that, and accused "the liberals" of "hating" Prejean "for no reason." You can be sure that Joy checked her on that.

Whoopi and Sherri bring up a good point when asking Carrie if she was a Christian when she made her sex tape, and trying to explain to her how people could see hypocrisy in preaching about how others should live according to her Christian values, and then not complying with them herself. This point, however, was lost on her: she simply focused on how mean Perez Hilton was to her.


Later in the interview, Carrie became flustered and even more defensive when Barbara asked her about a portion of her book that claims that describes Donald Trump's behavior—which she intimates was inappropriate—around the women in the pageant.

1.) Toes
Tyra had guests this week who get fake toenails put on.

And there were these idiots, who pay $65 a session to have their toes read.

2.) Mariah
She made the talk show rounds. She stumbled on Leno.

Then she went on Larry King Live, where she blinged out his logo.

And then smelled her tits.

Also, Larry serenaded her.

3.) "Where are you?"
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew premiered this week. One of its cast members, Nicole Narain, was on The Joy Behar Show, where she answered Joy's question a little too literally.

4.) What happens when you slouch in Judge Judy's court.

5.) Cougars
The Insider is taking this taking this cougar thing way too far. Although, I do like the little glimpses of Wasilla townies we get.

Niecy Nash is now literally referred to as "the resident cougar," and for the past two weeks, she's been going on dates with younger men.

Is this supposed to be sexy? Chest stubble and exaggerated nipples?

It reminds me of when Homer got plastic surgery so that Marge wouldn't leave him for a younger man.

And his nipples cried.

6.) Heather from Rock of Love on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
She played a hooker.

7.) Why did Sandals have to ruin a perfectly lovely song?

8.) Jon Gosselin implied that he's on the same professional level as Mary Hart.
And she didn't like it.

9.) Kirstie Alley on her coke days.

10.) Michelle Obama is fun.

Feeling an inevitable attack from Joy Behar's progressive lips coming on, Elisabeth backpedaled a bit, saying the decision is "never an easy one, mark my words."

Joy did have something to say - it just wasn't what Elisabeth was expecting.

For some people, believe it or not, Elisabeth, it is a very easy decision. I know that's hard to understand, but there are people who do not think anything of it.

Speaking from personal experience, that's true. At the same time, just because someone doesn't get all precious about terminating a pregnancy doesn't mean that she did it for "superficial reasons". Or that she should be forced to look at pictures of, well, anything.

As Joy pointed out, "Dr. Orly Taitz Esquire" was just fined $20,000 by federal judge Clay Land for filing frivolous lawsuits. Land said, "The absolute absence of any legitimate legal argument, combined with the political diatribe in her motions, demonstrates that Ms. Taitz' purpose is to advance a political agenda and not to pursue a legitimate legal cause of action. Rather than citing to binding legal precedent, she calls the president names, accuses [Land] of treason and gratuitously slanders the president's father." Taitz told Joy that Land is "a delusional and corrupt judge," but in contrast to her ranty appearance on MSNBC, she seems to have learned to attract flies with honey. She grinned, she played with her hair, she showed us "legal" documents.

Although, as Joy pointed out, "it doesn't matter, they can't read it anyway."

Taitz trotted out the discredited argument that one is only a "natural born citizen" if both parents are citizens. But at least she did it with a smile — and some kind of binder. (Shades of Betsy McCaughey!)

Joy really summed up my reaction to Taitz's whole shtick: "This is crazy! No one agrees with you!" Undeterred, Taitz said some shit about Social Security numbers.

Following Taitz's segment, Wonder Woman Lynda Carter came on to throw her Lasso of Truth around Taitz's craziness. "I think it's her fifteen minutes of fame," she said. I'm looking at my watch.


Lawyer Of The Day: Orly Taitz [Above the Law]

1.) Jon Gosselin
I know it's nearly impossible that anyone in America managed to miss him since he was all over TV talking about how he doesn't want to be on TV anymore. On Monday on The Insider, Jon faced off with Nancy Grace. Later in the week, The Insider tried to propel that insanity by airing "footage you didn't see" from the event. Here, Jon admits that his earrings are CZs.


Jon also ran back and forth between The Insider and Entertainment Tonight, showing "bank statements" proving that he did not steal money from Kate.










However, even the correspondent on The Insider recognized that this one transaction receipt proves absolutely nothing.




2.) "I'm showing America how it works."
God, he's like the fountain of spoof.


3.) In other grossness: Tamerlane Phillips.
Remember two weeks ago when people didn't care about the Gosselins for four days because Mackenzie Phillips' rape and incest bombshell stole the show? Tamerlane Phillips misses those days.


4.) The best intervention ever, courtesy of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.





5.) Kaity Tong Drunk?
Speaking of interventions…sheesh.


This man-on-the-street from the story she was introducing is awesome.


6.) Shut up, Joy!


7.) People are still getting "The Rachel"?


8.) Does Kim know that wig hair doesn't grow back?


9.) Khloe Kardashian's 9 Carats


10.) WWWWD?
She would think WWJJD.

• More on this is Midweek Madness, but Star is reporting that Justin Timberlake and Rihanna are "on." Here's the deal:

They've been talking and texting "nonstop" since the VMAs; but Rihanna doesn't want to be "his lady on the side." A source says: "She asked him on the phone, ‘Are you still with Jessica?' And he hinted that things were cooling off between them." [Star]

• If you were at the Bourgeois Pig on East Seventh Street the other night, you would have seen Madonna eating with Jessica Seinfeld and Jesus Luz… Then Anderson Cooper "rolled up on his bicycle and joined them." [Page Six]
• Rose McGowan has broken off her engagement to Robert Rodriguez. Does this mean no Red Sonja? But what about the awesome poster?!?! [Radar Online]
• Uh-oh! Bomb scare on the set of The Green Hornet, starring Seth Rogen! [TMZ]
• Hospitalized twice in two days? Get well soon, Tori Spelling. [Page Six, People]
• Chris Brown says he's trying to make as much music as possible — while doing community service at the same time. Multitasky. [TMZ]
• "How to fix Jon and Kate? Lose the Eight… Kate Gosselin is and has always been the show's central character. How she mothers, how she bosses her husband around, how she cuts her hair and tucks her tummy - that's what the show is really about." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Lamar Odom says his wedding to Khloe Kardashian was not fake: "It's crazy how perception works in America when you're looking at things from the outside… Anybody that was there will tell you that it was a beautiful event and it was real." [People]
• Some hairstylist claimed he did Khloe Kardashian's hair for her wedding — at a cost of $4500 — but KK didn't actually use him and actually never heard of him. [TMZ, NY Post]
• Michael Jackson's estate is suing the "Heal The World Foundation," which claims it is linked to MJ, but had no connection to the pop star and, in fact, "became dormant before he died." [CBS News]
• Rihanna is being sued by a neighbor who claims she had been allowing cars to drive on his lawn to get to her driveway; she denies causing any damage. [TMZ]
• Daniel Radcliffe: Taking driving lessons. [Telegraph]
• Jessica Alba is in talks to join the cast of Little Fockers, along side Ben Stiller and Bobby De Niro. According to this story, she'll play an "attractive" pharmaceutical rep "whose looks wreak havoc on male characters." In other words: They don't need her to act. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Uma Thurman will star in Ceremony, a flick directed by Max Winkler — Henry's son. Uma will play an older woman who is about to get married when a young man falls for her; the young man will be played by Michael Angarano, aka Kristen Stewart's (ex?) boyfriend. [Variety]
• One of the defendants in the John Travolta case claimed to have document suggesting Travolta wanted his son dead; it was actually just a form that released medical professionals in the Bahamas from liability if Travolta decided to fly his son to a hospital in Florida. [TMZ]
• "An ambulance driver believed he had John Travolta over a barrel and wanted big bucks to keep embarrassing medical records secret, a witness testified yesterday." [NY Post]
• Randy and Evi Quaid's home in Marfa, Texas now has a cease and desist sign out front, because the Quaids has started remodeling job without permits. [Radar Online]
• Remember Edward Furlong? Terminator, American History X? His estranged wife just filed a restraining order against him, claiming he threatened to hire people to beat her with chains and bats. And! She claims he "is smoking cocaine and doing other various drugs. He is very unpredictable." [TMZ]
• This columnist gives Joy Behar's new show three and a half stars and writes: "if there's one thing wrong with Joy's great new show it's her old-lady Aunt Carmela hairdo. Please Joy, call me — I'll pay for you to go to my hairdressers." [NY Post]
• The Tate Modern museum in London has decided to display a naked photograph of 10-year-old Brooke Shields; critics want it withdrawn from the exhibition, called "Pop Life: Art In A Material World." [Daily Mail]
• A Steady Rain stars Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman reportedly attracted the highest weekly gross for a nonmusical production on Broadway. But as far as I know, neither of them take their shirts off! Weird. [NY Post]
• Bono may be a superstar, but he knows how to wait patiently for a table in a crowded restaurant. [Page Six]
• Lady Gaga sang over the phone at a fundraiser and helped earn over $10 million for charities. [Page Six]
• "Sean 'Diddy' Combs has signed with Universal Music Group's Interscope Geffen A&M label in a deal which includes his future albums and creates a new joint venture with Combs' Bad Boy label." [Reuters]
• Interesting: Melissa Gilbert is playing "Ma" in Little House On The Prairie: The Musical. [USA Today]
• Jennifer Hudson says her newborn baby boy is "the cutest thing in the world" and he "seems like he's very interested in music already." [People]
• "Heather Mills, Paul McCartney's one-legged ex-wife, will appear on the British TV show Dancing on Ice, according to the London Sun." [NY Post]
• Roger Avary, Oscar-winning screenwriter of Pulp Fiction, has been sentenced to a year in jail for drunk driving and causing a fatal traffic crash in Southern California. [Breitbart]
• "A former teaching assistant who was employed by Wynonna Judd to home-school her two kids has been charged in Tennessee with distribution of child pornography." [E!]
• "Pink Floyd star leaves £24m to his children - but nothing to his three wives." [Daily Mail]
• "I had to think: 'What can I do with it? How can I make this fun?' I wanted him to be happy-go-lucky about the whole thing and not a conflicted, angry killer. More of the Hannibal Lecter school of killer: the killer you want at a party. I wasn't trying to banish Seth Cohen. I'm still me. He looks different and is morally corrupt. But I don't see it as a big departure." — Adam Brody, on his character in Jennifer's Body. [USA Today]
• "I went to Oregon to study permaculture and lived in an eco-village for a month outside Eugene. It's called Lost Valley. It was amazing and exactly what I needed, because there had been the Juno thing, where you're getting a lot of attention. You're learning how to live in a holistic way with the cycles of the Earth. At one point I was digging goat (manure) and putting it into a wheelbarrow, and while shoveling it, I just went, 'Oh, my God, this is exactly what I want to be doing right now.' "— Ellen Page on her life after Juno and before Whip It!. [USA Today]
• "I'm not a fancy person. I love small spaces. I like tiny cars. I don't buy things, aside from music and books." — Ellen Page. [USA Today]
• "She's really sexy. I did my wardrobe fittings with her where we would just take our clothes off and look at our own bodies. We both have insecurities or flaws, but we were both like, 'How do we get over this? How do we be the sexiest we can be in this movie?' We pushed each other. We challenged each other. We developed a love affair that was based on truth rather than niceties." — Drew Barrymore on Ellen Page. [USA Today]
• "It took me all my effort to watch The Wire. And I only watched it because I was directing an episode in the last season. Then I watched the whole lot in a very short time and suddenly realized what a great thing I was in." —Dominic West. More from him at the link. [Telegraph]
• "I want to apologize to everybody. I had no idea what it would turn into." — Kristin Cavallari, on introducing Spencer and Heidi to each other. [Hollywood Crush]
• "She is not a nice person… Madonna laid the law down to me before we went out. [She said] I am not going to Disneyland, OK? That's out. I said, 'I didn't ask to go to Disneyland.' She said, 'We are going to the restaurant. And afterwards, we are going to a strip bar. I said, 'I am not going to a strip bar, where they cross dress. ... I am not going to there. If that's how it is, forget this whole thing. ... Afterwards, she wrote some mean things about me in the press. And I wrote that she is a nasty witch, after I was so kind to her." — Michael Jackson, in that new book by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. [CNN]

• Miley Cyrus will indeed be in Sex And The City 2:

The teen queen will have a scene with Kim Cattrall: Samantha Jones wants to look "hot and young" and winds up on the red carpet with Miley — wearing the same dress. Hilarious? [NY Daily News]

• Rumors that Johnny Depp will be replaced in the next Pirates of The Caribbean movie: "Completely unfounded," says a Disney spokesperson. [Mirror]
• Just yesterday, Jon Gosselin's girlfriend Hailey Glassman was on the Gosselin family website. Today? She's been deleted. [RadarOnline]
• Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's wedding: A circus. A guest says: There were so many helicopters overhead, you couldn't hear the vows." Ok! magazine made a $250,000 deal for "exclusive" wedding pix, so when paparazzi pictures of the bride popped up on Sunday, the mag had to spend $50,000 on the shots to keep them off the market. As you may know, E! paid for the wedding, after insisting that it be held immediately so it could be on the season premiere of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. [Page Six]
• Ryan Seacrest is thinking about doing a reality show focusing on Khloe and Lamar as newlyweds. It worked out so well for Nick and Jessica! [NY Daily News]
• In other Kardashian news, Kim Kardashian is back together with Reggie Bush. Professional athletes for everyone! [NY Daily News]
• A second suspect in the Lindsay Lohan burglary has turned herself in. [NY Daily News]
• Should Kanye West go to rehab as an apology for his MTV VMA incident? Columnist Courtney Hazlett says "no, no, no." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Speaking of rehab: Amy Winehouse met a "faith healer" named Peter Hippolyte when she was in St. Lucia, and she's planning on flying him to England to help her stay off drugs and booze. Hippolyte says: "We will say prayers together and she will drink bush tea with antioxidants." [Daily Mail]
• Video: Amy Winehouse rapping. Sorta. [The Sun]
• "The timing of Roman Polanski's arrest in Switzerland on Sunday on a 31-year-old rape conviction couldn't have been better for Brett Ratner." Hours before Polanski was arrested, Ratner announced he'll be producing a sequel to Marina Zenovich's 2008 documentary, Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired. [Page Six]
• Mariah Carey says Precious director Lee Daniels helped her shed some insecurities — he made her arrive to the set without any makeup, and forced her to leave the diva act at home. "That was such a freeing experience for me… By making me look so bad he brought out the ability to never be self-conscious again, and that was a gift that he gave me." On the rumors that Mariah and Nick Cannon are trying to get pregnant, she says: "Well, we enjoy practicing." [AP]
• Jon Hamm and Elisabeth Moss are on the October cover of LA Confidential, and inside Jon says: "The [show] is not meant to be on while you're doing dishes, it's meant to be enjoyed and savored and focused on, and it rewards that attention…" [JustJared]
• At Teen Vogue's 7th annual Young Hollywood party, Kelly Osbourne was overheard telling a friend that she was "shocked" how short the skirts of the young party girls were. [Page Six]
• Randy and Evi Quaid are called "Hollywood's Nightmare Couple" in this extensive piece. Evi allegedly self-medicated with Demerol three times a day, snorting it so it would go right to her brain to cure her migraines. A source says: "She also … believed [Michael] Jackson was murdered along with Heath Ledger, Chris Penn, David Carradine, Natasha Richardson, and other stars who (had been) in movies with Randy." The paranoia that someone was out to get them, and that they weren't safe anywhere, lead to a string of unpaid hotel bills. [The Daily Beast]
• "The enormous sign Evi Quaid made last week — which accused her arresting officer of taking bribes — somehow caught fire this weekend…" [TMZ]
• Emma Watson was "shaken" at the Harvard/Brown football game when security guards had to protect her from gawkers. [Page Six]
• Mel Gibson is asking a judge to remove his 2006 DUI from his record, now that he has completed the terms of his 3-year probation. [TMZ]
• Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, has announced that a major US film company has bought the rights to her series of children's books. She says: "The films will run as a series… America has been so good to me. I failed in Britain, and when I gave it a go in America I was ready to fail there, too — but they have really embraced me." [Daily Mail]
• Emmy Rossum, who kept her marriage a secret all year, will be officially divorced in about 180 days. Court documents reveal that she married record label exec Justin Siegel in February, and that he wants Emmy to pay his legal expenses for the divorce and give him spousal support. He's all, "That's all I ask… of youuuuuu." [E!]
• Emmy is currently dating Sideshow Bob Adam Duritz. [People]
• American Idol castoff Adam "Glambert" Lambert's CD is available for pre-order on Amazon, and is currently number 2 — ahead of Madonna and the Beatles. [NY Post]
• Darrell Hammond's name is missing from the opening credits of Saturday Night Live, and a source says: "He's interested in pursuing acting more, but he's loyal to Lorne Michaels, and Lorne will always have a place for him on SNL for as long as Darrell is willing to come back." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Barbra Streisand's new CD is nostalgic, though the recording process was not: "For the first time, she worked with jazz artist Diana Krall as producer, and did it Krall's way. She performed with Krall's quartet of musicians first, then added orchestration later, instead of her usual practice of performing with an orchestra at the outset." [AP]
• Malaysia has banned Bruno because of the gay sex scenes. According to this column, "Gay sex, or 'carnal intercourse against the order of nature,' is punishable by up to 20 years in jail and whipping in Malaysia." Their views on homosexuality suck, but as far as the film goes, they're not missing anything. [Mirror]
• Mary-Louise Parker, 45, is dating musician Charlie Mars, 35. [NY Daily News]
• Jaime Pressley and new hubby Simran Singh got into a huge fight on their wedding night, maybe because Jaime had too much to drink. [Radar Online]
• "The Inside Scoop on Starting in TV" is the story of how Lara Spencer got her start. [WSJ]
• Jon Cryer and his wife, Lisa Joyner, have adopted a baby girl. [People]
• 90210 2.0's AnnaLynne McCord actually wants to be on the cover of Cosmo. [Page Six]
• "A former aide to Danielle Steel is facing time in federal prison after admitting she stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from the romance novelist." [AP]
• Al Sharpton and actress LisaRaye: It's on. [TheYBF]
• Police officials now have the hard drive found with Ryan Jenkins when he was discovered dead in a hotel room back in August. There was no suicide note, so cops are hoping the computer will shed light on the murder of Jasmine Fiore. [TMZ]
• Whatshisname does not have an eating disorder. [The Sun]
• "In terms of the stress there's just no comparison. For me, at least, writing a novel is a great pleasure. There is stress but it's a different kind of stress: more mental than physical. In a film you're working nights and 16-hour days. Here I am saying poor me, when I've been paid pretty well for that work, but it's a fact. It doesn't matter how much you're being paid. At my age I just feel I don't want to do that any longer. So, the writing is really a godsend." — Gene Hackman, who has quit acting for writing, He and Daniel Lenihan have written three works of fiction, and their latest, Escape From Andersonville, is a Civil War adventure. [The Daily Beast]
• "I am enrolling in Berklee College in Boston to get my bachelor's degree in music! That's how important education is to me. I plan to work with Rev. Al Sharpton because that's how important stressing the importance of education to children is to me." — Wyclef Jean. [BV Buzz]
• "I wasn't nervous because I'd got my body and mind into shape for it. My aim is to become an iconic sex symbol and the Playboy shoot is the first step. I wanted to be toned and curvaceous with a nice butt–I didn't want to lose weight and look skinny." — Heidi Montag on her Playboy shoot. She also says: "I'm a C cup but I want to upgrade to a DD cup. I have a curvy butt now and bigger boobs will enhance my shape." [Prz]
• "Seriously, I feel exactly the same now turning 50 as I did when I was 40 or 30. I am enjoying myself. I happen to think that I am just extraordinarily lucky. I am doing something that I am passionate about and that I enjoy doing. There are a couple of charities I am involved with that would appreciate a donation. But please, no presents from anyone." — Simon Cowell turns 50 tomorrow and will throw a big party this weekend. [Telegraph]
• "We're having Gore Vidal on. Larry David is booked. Those two are favorites of mine. And the usual suspects: Ann Coulter. Susie [Essman] will be on. Barbara [Walters] might be on the first week because she's the queen. Alec Baldwin- I can't get him on the phone. I saw him recently at a U.N. function. He's the funniest. He trusts me because I'm not out to get him. I'm not. Last time I interviewed him, his daughter was there and they were really close." — Joy Behar on her new HLN show, which starts tonight at 9pm. [USA Today]
• "She speaks like this weird white-person ebonics. She has this weird language. She doesn't technically read. But it's OK; she doesn't have to." — Kathy Griffin on Paris Hilton. [Page Six]
• "Come on over and see me after you finish." — Ellen Barkin to Matt Damon. [Page Six]
• "With ratings falling, this might be the last season of Jon & Kate Plus 8. I'm not sure yet." — Kate Gosselin, on her Facebook page. [NY Post]

First: there probably aren't two people out there who have studied this case and agree exactly on what should happen to Roman Polanski, so let's get that out of the way before this conversation spirals down the way it did on The View this morning. There are certainly gray areas to be found here, even if they're only concerning a biased judge. But Whoopi Goldberg, in a condescending rant ostensibly about clarifying exactly what Roman Polanski was charged with (as if that matters, when nobody is denying that he drugged and had sex with a child), can't seem to find them. She seems obsessed with the actual charges to which Polanski pleaded guilty (sex with a minor), and refers to the case as a "suit," as if it's a civil lawsuit about a roach in a box of french fries.

The other ladies try to get a word in edgewise while Whoopi distracts them with her crusade of literal legal language — could it be because Whoopi's own daughter got pregnant at 15? That fact, while seemingly salient (especially when Whoopi says "Would I want my 14-year-old daughter having sex? Not necessarily."), is never mentioned. So close, ladies! Why didn't you jump on her then?

Then it's time for Whoopi to take us into her fantastical moral universe where there's something called "rape-rape," and where it seems perfectly reasonable to her that a man facing jail charges for a crime to which he pleaded guilty would simply leave the country to avoid them. You know it's a good episode of The View when Sherri Shepherd makes the most sense:

Whoopi: "I know it wasn't rape-rape. It was something else but I don't believe it was rape-rape. He went to jail and and when they let him out he was like "You know what this guy's going to give me a hundred years in jail I'm not staying, so that's why he left."

Oh yes, of course. Duh. Case closed.

What is worrisome about Whoopi's argument is that she refuses to call a 43 year old man having sex with an unconscious 13 year old girl "rape". She may have personal, possibly guilty-parent reasons for not accepting this, but as tangled up as this case is, the fact that it was rape is one of the least controversial things about it. Roman Polanski admitted to drugging and having sex with a child, and in the country in which he did it, that is rape. (Though nice try Whoopi with the "Europeans have sex with children all the time!" argument, or whatever that was.)

It's noble of Whoopi to try to clarify the facts before arguing about a case (her line: "I don't like when we're passionate about something and we don't have all the facts" should be blown up to poster size and placed in front of the ladies for the duration of every show), but a plea agreement isn't necessarily, and often bears no resemblance to, what really happened. People who kill people while drunk driving often cop a plea of manslaughter, when everyone knows it's murder, and Roman Polanski pleaded guilty to a lesser charge than child rape, but it was child rape.

But I will say something about Whoopi Goldberg and the entire discussion on The View today: none of the ladies tried to justify Polanski's actions with the "defense" that he's a genius artist who made groundbreaking movies and should therefore be immune to punishment. Because make no mistake: those people are flat-out saying they would refuse to give up a few good movies to prevent the rape of a child. Whoopi may have been wrong today, but at least she wasn't that wrong.

• Julia Roberts is in India shooting Eat, Pray, Love, and security is tight on the film set:

50 local police officers and security officers are guarding Julia; yet kids and villagers are climbing trees and rooftops to get a glimpse of the Hollywood star. [AP]

• Michael Jackson is making money at the box office: This Is It accounted for 71% of all sales yesterday on the ticket site fandango.com. [NY Daily News]
• Madonna might marry boyfriend Jesus Luz, according to reports. She apparently likes how he checks in all the time and understands that she is self-involved — plus, says a source, "the sex is scorching hot." Husband material! [Daily Mail]
• This column claims that Penelope Cruz must be pregnant: She went to an OB/GYN with boyfriend Javier Bardem. Maybe he just tagged along for her Pap smear? [NY Daily News]
• Teri Hatcher, who was a guest on Friday's (canceled) episode of The Tonight Show, says that Conan O'Brien has a concussion: "We did this bit and at the very end, when we ran in to cross the finish line, he slipped as he was crossing the finish line and hit his head… And the thing was, I was in front of him so I didn't see it initially. He didn't get off floor right a way, but then he [seemed] like he recovered and [pulled] it together, and they did an instant replay, and you could really see his head hit the floor. He did go to the hospital and he does have a concussion." [ET]
• Sources say Kanye West has an alcohol problem. "He's been boozing heavily ever since his mother died," an insider says. [Showbiz Spy]
• Kanye West was seen acting "reserved, quiet and humble for once." [Gatecrasher]
• "Roman Polanski's Arrest Could Lead to Extradition."[NY Times]
• "Roman Polanski's arrest in Switzerland could lead to diplomatic row." [Times Of London]
• "Poland, France seek Polanski's release." [USA Today]
• "France, Poland want Polanski released on bail." [AP]
• "'Outraged' Roman Polanski's wife vows to fight extradition to U.S. after he is arrested over 1977 underage sex charge." [Daily Mail]
• "Roman Polanski is weighing his legal options after his arrest Saturday at the Zurich Airport. If he agrees to allow extradition, he could be sent to the U.S. within a few days. If he fights the order, it could take several months for the case to get through Swiss courts." [Variety]
• Khloe Kardashian married Lamar Odom on Sunday at a private residence in Beverly Hills. She wore Vera Wang; the flowers were all white; preparation for the nuptials were covered by cameras from E!. [People]
• The wedding will air on E!'s Keeping Up With The Kardashians, in case you weren't clear on that. [NY Daily News]
• Here's the thing: E! agreed to pick up the $1 million tab for Khloe Kardashian's wedding only if it was staged by Sunday — that way it could open the new seaason of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. But since Lamar Odom's lawyers didn't have time to do a pre-nup, yesterday's "wedding" may not have been legally binding. [NY Post]
• Padma Lakshmi, 39, is reportedly pregnant with her first child by boyfriend Manu Nathan, 27. [JustJared]
• Clive Owen is a Liverpool football (soccer) fan, and watched a game in a NYC sports bar with other fans, only one of whom asked, "What was it like snogging Julia Roberts?" [The New Yorker]
• Amy Winehouse's father, Mitch, will join the cast of I'm A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here. [Ireland Online]
• Kate Moss: Making music her focus? She has registered as a songwriter and publisher with the Performing Rights Society, where artists can protect any future royalties from their records. [Daily Express]
• Not that Kate Moss isn't modeling — she's totally the G in Paris Vogue. [TheLifeFiles]
• Simon Cowell is about to become the highest-paid star on TV — with his deal to bring X Factor to the U.S. (he'll producer, not appear on the show) — Cowell will make $103 million by next fall. That's more than Oprah, if you don't include her "empire" earnings. [NY Post]
• The Strokes guitarist Albert Hammond Jr. has checked into rehab; ex-girlfriend Agyness Deyn was seen out with her old flame, Miles Kane, during fashion week. [Daily Mail]
• "[John Travolta's] public acknowledgement that his son, who died in January, was autistic has former Scientologists convinced that he will leave the church-which they say has little tolerance for chronic conditions." [The Daily Beast]
• Rihanna was in Venice for her manager's wedding, and naturally, she posed with and signed an autograph for an Italian monk. He looks incredibly happy. [Daily Mail]
• "Jude Law is refusing to see his newborn daughter until a DNA test proves he is the father, according to new reports." [Daily Express]
• Has Jude Law banned interviewers from asking him about his new daughter? A source says yes, and that's why he didn't talk about it on Regis & Kelly. Jude's rep says "No subjects are banned." [Page Six]
• Jamie Kennedy has reportedly been cheating on Jennifer Love Hewitt with his ex-girlfriend, Shannon Funk. Funk was Britney Spears' assistant for a while. [Prz]
• Megan Fox told Nylon magazine that she thinks she's "really overexposed," which may be one of her most astute quotes ever. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Andrew Shue and the Today show's Amy Robach: Engaged. [People]
• Paris Hilton drove her new pink Bentley to the launch of a jewelry line, where the organizers offered her a free diamond pendant and she "begged and begged to take the matching earrings, too." Vivica A. Fox was at the same event and refused a free diamond bracelet, saying: "I'll buy it myself from my next paycheck." [Page Six]
• Kristen Bell hearts butterscotch pudding. [People]
• 75-year-old Larry King has been interviewing celebrities since 1985; his contract with CNN is set to expire in 18 months. Should he retire, who would take his place? Ryan Seacrest, Katie Couric and Joy Behar are reported contenders. [Page Six]
• Housewife Bethenny Frankel has been "gradually cutting ties" with the other housewives "since news that she'd get her own show on Bravo broke during the summer months." [Gatecrasher]
• Even though Marilyn Manson announced that he has the swine flu, his reps are denying that he is sick, which is just weird. [Gatecrasher]
• Justin Guarini was married over the weekend and the ceremony featured music by Radiohead, Paramore and Peter Gabriel — played by a string quartet. [People]
• Actress/model Angie Everhart denies that British royal Prince Andrew is the father of the baby boy she gave birth to in July. She says: "Just because I've been linked romantically with him in the past it doesn't mean I am still going to bed with him. Whether I am or not is nobody's business but ours… Kayden's daddy is someone who is not in the public eye." [Daily Express]
• This compilation of quotes from Robbie Williams is hilarious. [Guardian]
• "I never tried hard at anything. I was born smart on a very working-class estate. A couple of people I knew went to university apart from me, but all the way through I was the smartest kid in the school. That's luck, but I was proud of it. And I was also proud of doing well without trying. As you get older, and it took me a long time to realise it, that's a disgusting attitude, revolting. It's ignorant and it's a tragic waste, and I realised that the work itself is the reward. The struggle itself is the reward." — Ricky Gervais. [Guardian]
• "I knew my character was going to be pregnant the entire first season, so I figured it was a good time to have another kid." — Jenna Elfman, on being pregnant at the same time as her character in her new show Accidentally On Purpose. [USA Today]
• "The one through-line is the big accent and the in-your-face attitude. I'm definitely stereotyped and I'm very OK with that. I get super bored playing bland, normal girls." — Drea de Matteo, on playing a "tough broad" on Desperate Housewives, who sounds a lot like her Sopranos character. [Time]
• "I just passed my driving test. Took me 60 years, but I did it! For the first time in my life, I'm legal to drive, so watch out!" — Ozzy Osbourne. [MSNBC]
• "When I asked him what he envisioned, he mentioned Serge and Brigitte, Lee Hazlewood and Nancy Sinatra. So for me, I kind of saw it more as 'he said, she said' duets, as opposed to something that was just two people singing together. It's the kind of interplay between a male perspective and a female perspective, so they were a great example of that." — Scarlett Johansson on her duets with Pete Yorn. [NPR]
• "I wish a happy birthday to Sophia Loren, my splendid twin, and I ask her to stop wearing fur — that is the best gift she could offer me." — Brigitte Bardot, who, like Loren, turned 75 this week. [AFP]
• "She doesn't have a penis. She came to my house in her underwear and I saw no hint of a penis. She thought it was appropriate attire. She can get away with it. She knows what she's doing. She ain't no fool. She's brilliant. I think she's a good role model for girls. She plays with sex and makes it unsexy on purpose - so outrageous it's approachable."— Mika, on Lady Gaga. [ONTD via MTV.au]

In the clip above, Mika says she "doesn't get frustrated that much," by the guys on the Morning Joe crew, but Sherri Shepherd points out that she's often the only woman on the panel and "sometimes they say things that are so sexist." It seems Brzezinski follows the "boys will be boys" school of thought. She calls Mike Barnicle "my misogynist," then says she admires Joe because, "one of his key messages is to raise the bar."

Here's a brief look back at the various ways her male co-hosts have "raised the bar" in recent years:

JUNE 1, 2007
Mika wasn't present for the controversial incident in the YouTube video below, but there's no doubt that she heard about it. On Morning Joe, Joe discusses Fred Thompson's wife Jeri Thompson with a caller and asks, "Have you seen Fred Thompson's wife? You think she works the pole?"

JANUARY 18, 2008
Joe responds to the controversy over Chris Matthews saying that the only reason Hillary Clinton is,

"a U.S. senator, the reason she's a candidate for president, the reason she may be a front-runner is her husband messed around. That's how she got to be senator from New York. We keep forgetting it. She didn't win there on her merit."

According to Media Matters, Joe says:

I think it's outrageous that Chris Matthews has to apologize for saying something, inartfully perhaps, so many years later that op-ed writers were talking about in '99 and 2000 because Gloria Steinem, who wrote an op-ed supporting Hillary Clinton before New Hampshire, Media Matters, who many people have called a front group for Hillary Clinton, just because they're attacking Chris Matthews, who has obviously been critical of Hillary Clinton. What's your take?

JANUARY 23, 2008
On Morning Joe, Mike Barnicle says of Hillary Clinton, "when she reacts the way she reacts to Obama with just the look, the look toward him, looking like everyone's first wife standing outside a probate court, OK?" Media Matters reports that panelists Joe Scarborough, Willie Geist, and David Shuster all crack up.

JANUARY 30, 2008
According to Media Matters, Joe Scarborough announces, "I, actually - I don't endorse anybody because, as you know, I'm a journalist," which makes Mika Brzezinski laugh. Joe responds: "Mika, don't make me backhand you." She replies, "Oh, lord."

JULY 3, 2008
On MSNBC's Race for the White House, Joe argues with Rachel Maddow about whether or not Barack Obama said we'd be out of Iraq in 16 months in an interview during the campaign, according to Media Matters. Rachel Maddow laughs and tells Scarborough, "You're so wrong. I can't even hold it together. You're so wrong." He replies: "You might support Obama, but you've got the Clinton cackle down, Rachel. I'm proud of you."

MAY 13, 2009
While discussing Donald Trump's decision to let Carrie Prejean keep her crown, Joe polls the Morning Joe panel, asking if they think Carrie Prejean is beautiful in the video below from Media Matters. All the men raise their hands and Mika refuses to answer, saying the story is "stupid" and "ridiculous." Joe cuts her off saying, "Shh, shush. Seriously guys, when I ask you to cut her mic it's not like hey this is great TV theater, I mean cut her mic."

Actually, we see Mika's point: If we had to spend three hours with these guys every morning, we'd probably just stop taking them seriously too!

Scarborough Talks About Working The "Pole" [YouTube]
Joe Scarborough: "[I]t's Outrageous That Chris Matthews Has To Apologize" For Hillary Clinton Comments [Media Matters]
All-Male Morning Joe Panel Laughed As Barnicle Compared Clinton To "Everyone's First Wife Standing Outside A Probate Court" [Media Matters]
Scarborough To Brzezinski On Morning Joe: "[D]on't Make Me Backhand You" [Media Matters]
Scarborough To Maddow: "[Y]ou've Got The Clinton Cackle Down, Rachel. I'm Proud Of You" [Media Matters]
Morning Joe Crew Takes A Vote: "Who Thinks [Miss California]'s Beautiful?" [Media Matters]

• Courtney Love "went nuts" when a guest at a party opened an unlocked bathroom and saw her on the toilet with her skirt around her ankles.

Apparently she launched herself at the dude, and though people tried to calm her down, a security guy told the man: "It's best you get away as fast as possible." [Page Six]

• Backstage at the Emmys, Paramedics were called for Kristin Chenoweth, who complained of a migraine headache and then said she couldn't open her eyes. [Access Hollywood]
• More backstage Emmys drama: A fight between Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Karina Smirnoff got "kind of loud." Apparently they were "screaming at each other"after he said she took too long in hair and makeup. [E!]
• Mad Men and 30 Rock were big winners at the Emmys last night. [NY Daily News]
• Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs won the weekend box office; Jennifer Aniston's Love Happens came in fourth — one of her worst openings in years — and Jennifer's Body placed fifth. [Ny Daily News]
• "Mr. T's Chance of Meatballs character fits him to a T." [USA Today]
• Kate Gosselin taped her Mom Logic TV show pilot over the weekend, and even though guests Mel B and Christie Brinkley were nixed, a source says the taping "went extremely well" and "Kate did great." [Radar]
• Congrats! Zooey Deschanel married Death Cab For Cutie singer Ben Gibbard Saturday night near Seattle. [People]
• Did you know that Susan Sarandon has been a member of a Ping-Pong society for years? [NY Magazine]
• From a profile on Madonna: "Scented Christian Dior candles fill the air in a space so dimly lit, it seems both slightly theatrical and quasi-religious. A huge telephone with multiple extensions bears labels such as M study, M dressing room, M bathroom, Laundry, Music Room, Kitchen, Mews." And: "A lot of people are just really confused by me… They don't know what to think of me, so they try to compartmentalize me or diminish me. Maybe they just feel unsafe. But any time you have an overtly emotional or irrational, negative reaction to something, you're fearing something that it's bringing up in you." [Times Of London]
• Paula Abdul almost refused to co-present with Kathy Griffin at the VH1 Divas concert because of all the insulting jokes Kathy had made. [Gatecrasher]
• Amy Winehouse was leaving a nightclub recently when a passerby shouted "Oi Amy, where's your crack pipe?" [The Sun]
• Heidi Klum and Seal can't decide on a name for the baby girl they are expecting. Seal says: "It has been the topic of debate for the last month. We can't quite figure it out. I'm a firm believer that she will pop out and will tell us what she wants to be called." [Mirror]
• Charlize Theron's nude scene in The Burning Plain — in which she smokes a cigarette while standing at a window in full view of passersby in Portland, OR — was shot at 6 a.m. to avoid paparazzi. [Page Six]
• Oprah had a block party in Chicago and paid more than $54,000 for city services. [Ny Post]
• Joy Behar would love to get Sarah Palin on her new show on HLN and talk to her about the "real America." "It's insulting to men like my father, who fought in World War II, whom she doesn't think are real Americans because we don't agree with her." Joy also says: "Look, it's not that I'm contentious; I'm uncompromising. I'm friendly, but I can't let things go unchallenged. And I intend to give my opinions quite profusely. I might even have to interrupt myself." [New York Magazine]
• New couple? Kid Cudi and Amanda Bynes??? [Gatecrasher]
• They're saying Mischa Barton's a mess in the morning and needs someone to "fix" her coffee, but who isn't and who doesn't? [Page Six]
• So what is up with that Taylor Momsen record contract that allows her singing on Gossip Girl and the "Runaways Project"? She's not in the Runaways movie! Was she was supposed to get Dakota Fanning's part? Or does she have a secret cameo? [TMZ]
• Beth Ditto has banned her girlfriend from touring with her: "[It's] not because I don't think she can handle it, but because that's my life. Say what you want about me. Say it to my face, say it behind my back, write it on the fucking bathroom mirror, I don't care. But do not talk about the people I love. I will lose my mind." [NME]
• An ambulance was called to David Hasselhoff's house yesterday; apparently his 17-year-old daughter, who was home with him, called her mother, saying that David was extremely drunk. A friend of Pamela's called 911. [TMZ, TMZ]
• January Jones, aka Mad Men's Betty Draper, has purchased a lovely home in the Los Feliz neighborhood of L.A., and you can see the pix at the link. [The Real Estalker]
• The Guinness World Records board has refused to let the White Stripes into their record book for playing a one-note concert, due to insufficient interest. Twelve hundred people showed up to a gig in Canada where Jack White played an E. [Mirror]
• Stephen Moyer on his engagement to Anna Paquin: "It was very intimate and quite surprising for her, I think, and we were by ourselves at dinner in Hawaii and...I surprised her. But it was something that surprised me probably more than it surprised her." He also says: "She is very funny and very frank and very direct and beautiful… She doesn't take any of my nonsense." [E!]
• David Arquette and Ben Harper have a clothing line called Propr, and Arquette says: ""We love the idea of chivalry and going in an old-school barber… There's a quality that's in the finer details, like they really thought it out a step further." More from "A Night Out" with the duo at the link. [NY Times]
• Ryan O'Neal visited Farrah Fawcett's grave after their son, Redmond, was ordered to leave jail and go to rehab for a year. [Daily Mail, USA Today]
• Nicole's sister Antonia Kidman is engaged to Singapore-based banker Craig Marran. [News.com.au]
• Terry Gilliam got Johnny Depp to tango for The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus even though Johnny allegedly said "Men don't dance." [Mirror]
• Oy: Sacha Baron Cohen will play an Israeli tour guide on The Simpsons. [UPI]
• From a piece on John Malkovich's new film, Disgrace, set in post-apartheid South Africa: "[Malkovich's character] Lurie appears the virtual embodiment of white male arrogance, an English professor who views himself through the prism of Romantic poetry and who pursues an exploitive, obsessive affair with a much younger, mixed-race student. You can't say that he rapes her, but the issue of consent between an inexperienced young woman and a practiced seducer — one with direct power over her academic future — is complicated, to say the least." [Salon]
• Will Diddy switch record labels? [Page Six]
• Scott Weiland had a seizure on a plane while en route from Los Angeles to Florida, causing the plane to land in Dallas-Fort Worth; he is "doing great" now. [E!]
• Larry King hates frivolous lawsuits. [TMZ]
• John Travolta may be a witness at the trial for two people accused of trying to extort $25 million from him after his son died in the Bahamas. [AP]
• John Travolta says if he is called to testify, he will do so. [ET]
• Sources say John Travolta's testimony will be dramatic and emotional. [TMZ]
• Ozzy Osbourne's new memoir describes appearing on the MTV show The Osbournes as "terrifying" and like being "strapped to a rocket and being blasted through the stratosphere at warp factor ten." [Mirror]
• Leonard Cohen is recovering after collapsing on stage during a show in Spain; he reportedly had food poisoning. [UPI]
• James Blunt is accusing internet service providers of "handling stolen goods" by allowing file sharing and illegal downloads. [Telegraph]
• Anoushka Shankar, Ravi Shankar's daughter, had been the victim of a blackmail plot; an arrest has been made. [Independent]
• District 9 is not welcome in Nigeria. [NY Post]
• "Frustrated cops probing Jordan's claim to have been raped by a celebrity said yesterday they could do no more unless she co-operates." [The Sun]
• "You're not going to be successful. You're not going to be millionaires (with the exception of MAYBE Kris and Adam). No one will care about you. Those fans who've been asking for your autograph all tour long - 98 percent of them don't give a flying poo about you once next season of Idol starts. In other words, your days of being a star are over. But that's all right - so are mine… The music business, for the most part, will treat you like an outsider… You are just a game show contestant who still needs to prove why you should be here. Move to a music city. L.A., New York or Nashville Leave home and live WAY below your means." — Chris Sligh, former American Idol contestant, to other Idol singers, on his blog. [NY Post]
• "I was never in the high, high fashion industry. I was never one of those superskinny, supertall waif girls who goes from show to show. When you do more commercial things, your weight is allowed to fluctuate a bit. Not every inch counts. It's hard for the girls. How old are they? Fifteen, 16? Some girls are naturally thin and can eat whatever they want. When I was 15, 16, there was not one ounce of fat on me, but some other girls have to work hard to stay like that. But the rules are not made by the models. To be part of this, they have to be the size the designer wants them to be. I'm not that skinny, and I never was, but I can pretty much eat whatever I want." — Heidi Klum. [Page Six Magazine]
• "My dream was always to work in a candy store. It was because of my obsession with candy; I don't have it any more, now that my teeth are all rotten. I did go to a university for a year, as shocking as that might sound to people, and there was a candy shop that I used to go to all the time, an old-fashioned one where all the candy was in these big glass jars. I used to go in there and look at all the candy and think, ‘God, it would be really cool to work in here; I could have candy whenever I wanted.' So I did want the keys to the candy store, but I had different keys." —Madonna. [Times of London]
• "At first, I didn't know whether I'd be healthy enough to film a full season of an action-packed drama series. But soon I realized there was nothing I wanted to do more. We got in touch with the network to let them know about my diagnosis and I sent this message: 'Don't count me out. I can do this.' All I could think was: 'If I'm going out, I'd rather go out on a high note, doing quality work I believe in.'" — From Patrick Swayze's memoir, on doing The Beast with a cancer diagnosis. [Daily Mail]
• "We need to be the example of respect, of tolerance, and just how to be civil, can we do that? Even though I didn't win the crown that night I know that the Lord has so much of a bigger crown in heaven for me. I never asked to be thrown into politics… but you know what, I'm proud of the stance that I took and I'm glad that God upheld me for such a time as this." — Carrie Prejean. [NY Daily News]
• "Forget about playing Tony Blair. When I told her I was definitely playing vampire Aro in Twilight, she cried. She was so overwhelmed and annoyed that I muscled in on something that was hers. She's already told me she'll be my date for the premiere." — Michael Sheen's 10-year-old daughter, Lily is excited about his career for once. [Page Six]

• Emma Watson has arrived at Brown University… And so have the paparazzi:

That's why there are these pix of her super-casual and hanging with other students on the quad of the Rhode Island campus. [Daily Mail]

• Following reports of an assault, San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman says he did not hurt Tila Tequila and was only trying to restrain her from leaving his home while she was drunk. Merriman's statement reads: "I was concerned about her welfare given the intoxicated state she appeared to be in and I encouraged her to stay until safe transportation could be provided." But Tila called 911 and she signed a citizen's arrest form alleging that Merriman choked and restrained her. [LA Times]
• Tila Tequila's Twitter feed has more than 243,000 followers, and following the incident, she tweeted that she was safe at home and thanked fans for their concern. But she added: "I am allergic to alcohol. It has been publicly known for years. That is how I got the name Tila 'Tequila' cuz the irony. I can't drink." Which seems to dispute Shawne Merriman's take on the incident. Later she tweeted: "I am only 93 pounds and 4'ft 11...." [CNN, TMZ]
• Shawne Merriman's lawyer says other people were in the house at the time of the incident and "witness after witness after witness will back up his story 100 percent." [CNN]
• Shawne Merriman says of his alleged assault on Tila Tequila: "We would all do our best to help a friend if we considered their actions to be detrimental to their personal safety. I'm still glad I did what I did." [NY Post]
• Lindsay Lohan is such a big True Blood fan that she posted this picture of herself wearing a studded choker and vampire fangs on her Twitter with the words "my dream." Is she trying to audition? [NY Daily News]
• Tyra Banks is talking about her decision to appear without a weave or extensions on Tomorrow's episode of her show: "I feel like it's my responsibility. I've shown myself with no makeup, cellulite on my butt, untouched photos of myself, but I haven't really shown my hair.
  "It's a mystery. People are like, 'Does she have any hair?' Young girls come up to me all the time and say, 'I want to look like you, be like you.' I want to show them what I really look like." [Digital Spy via Entertainment Tonight]
• More from Tyra: "It's just me coming straight out of the shower with wet hair. My hairdresser's going to do my hair live on stage." Tyra is also launching an online "magazine," Tyra: Beauty Inside & Out. "I'm really interested in helping women take control of their futures, take control of their destiny. One of my lines in my manifesto on the Web site is to be the CEO of your own life, be in control of your own life," she says. [AP]
• Tyra made Perez Hilton promise he wouldn't mock celebrities under the age of 18, and in return she invited him to be a guest judge on ANTM. A few days later, Perez mocked 15-year-old Tallulah Willis. [Gatecrasher]
• Lady Gaga was doing lots of coke when her dad gave her a talking to: "My father is a really powerful man, a telecom guy. So he looked at me one day and said, 'You're fuckin' up, kid.' And I looked at him and thought, 'How does he know that I'm high right now?' And he never said a word about the drugs, not one word. But he said, 'I just wanna tell you that anyone you meet while you're like this, and any friend that you make in the future while you are with this thing, you will lose.' And we never talked about it again." [Daily Mail]
• Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy: Reunited and it feels so good? [Telegraph]
• Dr. Oz is leaving Oprah Winfrey for his own talk show. Junk food is banned backstage and his show will focus on health "hot topics" like weight loss and swine flu. "There is no question we can save lives every day if we can motivate people to do what we're talking about. The challenge isn't what to say - because we know that - the challenge is how to say it so people are motivated." [AP]
• Plots near Michael Jackson's final resting place at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale have gone up $2,000 to $3,000 each; one person who owns a unit near MJ"s crypt is asking $34,000 for a double unit inside Jackson's mausoleum. Can't take it with you. [TMZ]
• Randy Jackson says that a helicopter "severely disrupted" Michael Jackson's funeral. [NY Daily News]
• Ralph Fiennes presented Vanessa Redgrave — Natasha Richardson's mother — with a lifetime achievement gong at the Harper's Bazaar magazine's Women Of The Year Awards, saying he had a "great friendship" with Richardson and calling Redgrave a woman of "truth, of loyalty, of integrity, of passion, of compassion." [Mirror]
• Singer Leona Lewis' cousin Adrian Henry, who has a previous conviction for rape, has just been sentenced to six years for robbing a "hard working family." [Daily Mail]
• Mischa Barton: Spotted outside of a gym with a bag of McDonald's, talking to someone who looked like a trainer and saying, "Do I have to?" [Gatecrasher]
• Jon Gosselin's "family day" was interrupted by an ambulance visit: His grandmother fell in his driveway. She'll be fine. (Those of us sick of Gosselin updates, on the other hand…) [E!]
• Jon Gosselin was convinced that Kate Gosselin was hiding a large sum of money in a "secret trust." His attorney gave her a deadline to reveal where the money is, and she complied: The cash is currently in a trust for the children's future. [Page Six]
• Jon Gosselin on Kate Gosselin: "I don't trust her anymore. I was abused ... I was beaten down ... I'm not going back to that life style." And! "In 10 years, I've never gone out... When she said, 'I don't want you going out,' I ... I used to say, 'OK, I'm not going to go out.' I was very passive. This is the first time I said, 'You know what? I want to see my friends. I'm going out. That was the first time in my life I ever stood up to Kate... I just felt like I had to take back some time in my life, and I did it. And I felt really good. I made my own decision... I was beaten down for so long, I couldn't even make my own decision. And when I did, I was like, holy cow! You know? Yeah, what's she gonna do? Divorce me? All right. Obviously. You know." Plus: "My mom and my brothers, they say to me, 'It's so good to have the real Jon back. It's so good to have the warm, loving, kind, caring person that we knew you when you were ... before you got married.' I've changed for her. Because I loved her ... But don't forget who you are. That's what happened to me." More from his Good Morning America interview with Chris Cuomo at the link. [Us Magazine]
• Jon Gosselin: "I can't sit on the sofa with that woman. I can't sit on someone right now that I despise." [GMA/ABC News]
• The tattoo parlor in New York where Rihanna inked a few people (her tattoo artist, BangBang, and his coworkers) has been fined for "operating with an unlicensed tattoo artist on site." [NY Daily News]
• Remember the fight between Joe Francis and Brody Jenner a couple of weeks ago? Joe was allegedly harassing former girlfriend Abbey Wilson when Brody and Jayde Nicole intervened. The latest is that afterward, Joe sent moving trucks over to Abbey's house to take her furniture away; he felt if she was going to lie about the incident, he wasn't going to let her keep anything he'd ever bought her. [TMZ]
• Joe Francis is being sued by a construction company for money owed for work on his Bel Air home. [TMZ]
• Joy Behar's new talk show debuts on HLN September 29, and the network formerly known as CNN Headline News is becoming incredibly lady-friendly. Joy's show is at 9pm, and she's followed by Jane Velez-Mitchell and Nancy Grace. [AP]
• How did Matt Damon gain 30 pounds for his role in The Informant? "I just ate everything I could see." More specifically: "I started eating like crazy and drinking dark beer. Between meals on set, I'd eat a No. 1 Value Meal at McDonald's and then Doritos on top of it. It was absolute heaven… Now I'm the Sexiest Man Alive's chunky cousin." [Daily Mail]
• Teri Hatcher is training for a triathalon. [People]
• Whoa: Sean Penn was spotted with Sports Illustrated swimsuit (and bodypaint) model Jessica White?!?! [Page Six]
• Rave reviews for Mo'Nique's performance in Precious! Forbes.com media critic Bill McCuddy says: "She doesn't steal the film — she kicks, screams and pummels it into an Oscar no-brainer." Trailer here. [Page Six]
• Taylor Momsen's band, Pretty Reckless, will play a Teen Vogue party tonight. [Page Six]
• Kourtney Kardashian's boyfriend has adjusted to her mood swings, so you can all just relax. [People]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Eric Dane put his hand on Rebecca Gayheart's belly at DJ AM's funeral, so she must be pregnant. [Page Six]
• "Paul Simon says he had nothing to do with the recent cancellation of a performance of the stage play The Sound of Silence in Sweden." [UPI]
• Samantha Burke, who is eight months pregnant with Jude Law's spawn, is "excited" with only one month to go. [The Sun]
• "Hip-hop artist and actor Ludacris' Ludacris Foundation and Nissan South gifted 20 needy people in the Atlanta area with cars Sunday, organizers said… Winners of the "Ludacares Stimulus Package" contestant drove away with used vehicles and are entitled to free gas for 30 days." [UPI]
• Actress Marley Shelton gave birth to a girl named West Flynn on Sunday. [People]
• Mohammed Ismail, father of Slumdog Millionaire child star Azharuddin Ismail, died in Mumbai on Friday; he'd been suffering from tuberculosis for over a year. Mohammed made the news earlier this year when he slapped his son for refusing to give interviews after returning from L.A. [Hndustan Times]
• Bianca Jagger lost a €200,000 platinum-and-aquamarine ring in Salzburg in August 2008; Austrian millionaire Reinhard Ringler found the ring and wanted a reward; the whole thing has turned into a mess with a three-month settlement period. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "A jury in San Diego County, Calif., has found in favor of TV actor Tom Selleck and his family in regards to a disputed horse sale." [UPI]
• Bee Gees reunion! [UPI]
• John Lydon — aka Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols — is reforming his band Public Image Ltd (PiL) after a 17 year hiatus. [Reuters]
• Click if you want to read Tom Jones recount a story about Elvis with his pants down. [Telegraph]
• Whatshername and Whathisname will be officially divorced today. [Mirror]
• "It kind of feels like graduating. I'm still really good friends with all the producers and directors and everyone, so it really only feels like a graduation." — Audrina Patridge on leaving The Hills for her "spicier, edgier, older" reality show. [People]
• "My brothers and I came home one day for lunch-I was at the Hackley School… and my mother, who was being pursued by creditors, had a TripTik map in her hand. She said, ‘We're going on a vacation. We're going to visit every man I ever went out with, from the time I was in Miss Semple's finishing school, to find out if I made a mistake.' She found the first one in St. Louis and told us, 'Most divine man I ever met-he made the winning touchdown in the Harvard-Yale game. I just don't want to surprise him with all of you.' So at the restaurant my brothers and I waited in the car. Twenty minutes later, she came out and said, 'Oh, my God. He's let himself go.' Further south, she'd tell the man, 'Meet me on the corner,' and we'd drive by very slowly and she'd say, ‘Oh, no. Oh, no.'" — George Hamilton, on My One and Only, a film based on an odd road trip that he and his brothers took with their mother in 1955. [The New Yorker]
• "The commitment and devotion of my fans in the UK, otherwise known as 'my little monsters', has made for a truly memorable and successful year for myself and The Fame. I am honoured to be the songwriter and performer behind the number one and number three all-time most downloaded songs in history in the UK." — Lady Gaga. [Mirror]
• "I think that's because it's just instinctual as a woman to be the caretaker of your home. Women complain that men don't do enough, but it's your own fault. You train your man to do nothing. You can't blame someone for not knowing what his or her job should be if you don't ask for it right off the bat." — Jennifer Aniston. [MSNBC via Australian Harper's Bazaar]
• "My cocaine soundtrack was The Cure. I loved all their music, but I listened to this one song on repeat while I did bags and bags of cocaine. ‘Whatever I do/It's not enough.' Isn't that funny? At the time I didn't think there was anything wrong with me until my friends came over and said, ‘Are you doing this alone?' Um, yes. Me and my mirror." — Lady Gaga. [ONTD via Showbiz Spy]

• Lady Gaga on those nasty hermaphrodite rumors:

"My little vagina is very offended." [News.com.au]

• Celebrities seen attending DJ AM's memorial — designed to resemble a 12-step meeting — include Lindsay Lohan, Robert Downey Jr., John Mayer, Nicole Richie, Samantha Ronson, Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart. [AP, People]
• Susan Boyle's album is topping Amazon's bestsellers list, even though it's not on sale until November. Pre-orders have the album out-selling Whitney Houston and the Twilight soundtrack. [Daily Mail]
• So you know how Chris Brown critiqued Oprah for doing a show on domestic violence, dedicated to "all the Rihannas of the world"? He called it "a slap in the face." And he said: "I did a lot of stuff for her, like going to Africa and performing for her school. She could've been more helpful, like, ‘OK, I'm going to help both of these people out.'" A source says: "He's done. Whatever goodwill he had, he's totally ruined it by saying that. What was he thinking? And who the hell goes up against Oprah? It just shows he doesn't think. No one is going to want him as the face of their brand." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Meanwhile: Rihanna has been seen being "touchy-feely" with "scenester" Travis London. [NY Daily News]
• Michael Jackson's burial last night gave Katherine Jackson closure, sources say. "Everyone's been telling her how strong she is, but even she said, ‘It's not always easy to be this strong,'" says Rev. Al Sharpton, a Jackson family friend. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Paris Jackson cried when she stepped into the mausoleum where her father was to be entombed; Katherine Jackson started to go in but turned back, overcome by grief. [AP]
• Lisa Marie Presley, Elizabeth Taylor, Chris Tucker, Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis attended Michael Jackson's burial. Gladys Knight sang. [People]
• Michael Jackson was not buried at Neverland — or in Gary, Indiana, because his family wanted a "secluded, dignified resting place fitting for a music legend." His mother, Katherine, wanted to be able to visit her son without fanfare or fans. [Mirror]
• An Australian newspaper mocked Russell Crowe for smoking and eating a big meal during a recent bike ride. Naturally Russell has challenged the paper's gossip columnist to a "duel by bicycle." Apparently Russell's spokesperson called the guy the next day and said: Get on your bike. Russell wants you to go riding with him. Are you ready to die?" [Breitbart]
• Lisa Ling says that when her sister Laura Ling was held captive in North Korea, Diane Sawyer reached out: "She made calls and took meetings on our behalf for which we will be forever grateful." [People]
• We've seen a lot of Jon Gosselin lately, but not a lot of his girlfriend. A source says of Hailey Glassman: "Hailey actually hates the fact that Jon is famous. She doesn't want to be photographed and doesn't like the attention." [Page Six]
• Zooey Deschanel is "scrambling to slim down" for her wedding; she's been taking ballet workouts back to back. Or maybe she just likes the workout? [Page Six]
• Joy Behar is silly. [Page Six]
• Newly released emails from Carrie Prejean show that she and the pageant officials were butting heads way before she spoke out on same-sex unions. In a March 19 email, Carrie wrote to Miss California co-director Keith Lewis: "I WILL NOT BE VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ANYMORE BY ANY OF YOU. I HAVE A COMPETITION TO PREPARE FOR. I WILL NO LONGER BE DEALING WITH ANYONE WHO IS GOING TO BRING ME DOWN AT THIS POINT. I WILL ONLY SURROUND MYSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME HAPPY. AND RIGHT NOW, THAT IS NONE OF YOU. I WILL SEE YOU ALL IN APRIL. PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME AT ALL FROM THIS POINT FORWARD." [Fox News]
• "Donald Trump is such a hands-on boss that he personally helps pick six of the 15 finalists in the Miss Universe pageant each year — because the preliminary judges often overlook the most beautiful contestants." [Page Six]
• Check out this "commercial" for "Fecalux," starring Roseanne. It makes you poop. [ONTD]
• All About Steve "is an oddly creepy, sour film, featuring a heroine so desperate and peculiar that audiences may be more likely to pity than root for her." [Rotten Tomatoes]
• Jake Brockman, a former keyboard player with Echo and the Bunnymen, was killed in a motorcycle crash Tuesday on the Isle of Man. [BBC News]
• Whatshername says Whatshisname has a "secret lover." [The Sun]
• "I hope this show is a huge hit and that people love it. Because I like playing this character more than any character I've ever played." — Courteney Cox on upcoming show Cougar Town. [LA Times]
• "The older I get, the younger the leading man gets." — Michelle Pfeiffer. [Telegraph]
• "I've always said I believe in good music and bad music. ...I like music. My next album, which I'm working on now — that's exclusive, no one knows that — is gonna be the album that really ...it's not gonna be a #1 album. That's where I'm at right now. I wanna make the most experimental album I ever made." — Jay-Z. [MTV News]
• "People often look for deep psychological and emotional reasons why people eat, and I'm sure for many people those exist. But other people, and I would include myself, are just fucking greedy bastards who like eating. It's nice – it's a nice feeling. Eating chocolate is nice, right? Chocolate's fucking great. So I don't think it was a horrible self-comforting thing, I think it was just lack of self-discipline. Most people want a load of chocolate, but they stop. They think, if I do that I'll get fat. Whereas I just thought, I don't care." — Little Britain's Matt Lucas, who has recently lost weight because his doctor had warned him he was at risk of becoming diabetic. [Guardian]
• "You can live a very normal life if you don't actually look for things. Someone said, 'Oh, I saw a picture of you on the Internet, that was a really pretty hat.' Not hat, I don't wear hats. 'That was a really great dress!' I was like, 'Oh, I just wore that the other day, how did you know?' 'Oh, well, on blank-blank-blank-dot-com.' I wouldn't know. I don't know whose movie made money — I haven't seen a movie. I don't know who's famous and who's not, I don't know any young people that are coming up. I'll see somebody, and I'll say, 'That girl's really pretty.' And someone may say, 'Oh, of course, she's on "The Hills" or something.' Is that a show? I've got strong opinions, and I can get short. But I'm just not that high-maintenance. So the whole world knows I had miscarriages. And yes, I've done in vitro however many times — three times. Yes, I've said that David and I go to therapy. Yes. Nothing's too precious for me. For some reason, I don't care. I wish I could be a little bit more, like, 'You're trying to dig something out of me,' and me being like, 'I'm not going to talk about that.' What do you want to talk about? I don't care." — Courteney Cox. [LA Times]
• "I don't enjoy being looked at. But that's part of being successful, doing magazine covers. It's very masochistic – the one thing you're so afraid of you become addicted to. I'm addicted to being uncomfortable." — Megan Fox. [NY Daily News via Wonderland Magazine]

The interview in Ladies Home Journal's October issue, which will be out on September 8, gives a little more insight into the hosts' relationships behind the scenes, but the tone is similar to when they come back from commercial after a huge fight and maddeningly insist that they all love each other. In fact, Elisabeth Hasselbeck says of their bickering:

It's like when I have a more edgy conversation with my mother — I know she'll love me anyway. And that's what happens at our table: We know what triggers the other person, but we also believe what we believe. It's all up for discussion, and we know we're all coming back tomorrow. So we love each other even though we don't always agree.

At first, when asked what their friendships are like back stage Whoopi Goldberg jokes, "We all hate each other," (or she just wants us to think she's joking.) But, she says it isn't her fault that people think they're feuding:

That idea was put into people's minds before I arrived — that was played up with Rosie, and it stuck. I think for a while things got more personal than they should have and people glommed on to that. I think people want there to be feuds. But I am too lazy to fight — it takes too much energy to keep it going.

Well, we can believe that Whoopi can't even be bothered to keep up a grudge. Barbara Walters credits the current [Rosie O'Donnell-free] lineup with making the show more relevant and popular than ever as it enters its 13th season:

The chemistry is the most important thing. We have been imitated again and again- by men, by other programs — and the thought is there should be one older person, one comedian, one black person, and one younger person, and that will make it work. And it doesn't.

Barbara says that after all the contentious interviews they've had in the past year guests no longer expect the co-hosts to go easy on them because it's just a women's show. In fact, Barbara claims a large number of their viewers are men. Elisabeth agrees, and explains:

Men watch The View to figure women out. My husband, Tim [Hasselbeck, former NFL quarterback], has played for two or three teams since I've been on the show, and every team he's been on, they all watch the show while they're icing their legs. They sit and watch and try to get what women are about.

So just keep in mind next time you're watching the show that men think it reflects what womenfolk are really like. Dudes must particularly enjoy when the co-hosts sexually molest their male guests. Sherri Shepherd says:

I love the gorgeous men who come through and that I get to put my hand on their thighs. The guys love it. Robert Downey Jr. put his head on my lap. And they kiss you. What kind of job do I have? Every man I love turns around and gives me a kiss? When Obama showed up, I was like, this is it, I am done. And Jonathan Rhys Meyers? I am like predator cougar on that boy. I will hurt you.

Where could Sherri have gotten the idea that that's the appropriate way to treat a guest? Well, she does say:

Sherri: Barbara gives the best single-woman advice.
LHJ: Like what?
Sherri: Oh my God, she gives me advice about raising my son and relationships. She also gives good advice about sex.
Barbara: Yeah, because I know so much about sex. I think I learned it all on the show.

But sometimes Barbara still has to be strict with Sherri, like after she infamously said the world is flat on her third day on the show. Sherri says:

I was so nervous and after the segment it was either Whoopi or Barbara who said, "Dear, you do know the world is round." And I was like, "I know that."

As always, the ladies smoothed things over after the incident, telling Sherri that they'd be "there for her," during her time of public humiliation. And it seems these past few seasons have been good for Sherri. Barbara commends her co-host for reading the newspaper every day now and being "more up to date on things than I am sometimes."

The rest of the interview is available here, and in the new issue of Ladies' Home Journal.

A View From The Top [Ladies' Home Journal]

• In the teaser footage from Larry King Live, it seemed like Chris Brown didn't remember assaulting Rihanna. But Chris has released a statement which reads:

"There have been reports on the Internet that I didn't remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight. That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like four or five times – and when you look at the entire interview you will see it is not representative of what I said. The first four times – or however many times it was – I gave the same answer – which was that I didn't think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn't fair to Rihanna. The fifth time – or whatever it was – I just misspoke. I was asked, 'Do you remember doing it?' and I said, 'No.' Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can't believe it happened because it is not me or who I am, nor is what happened like anything I have ever done before." There's more, but it's similarly vague. He does say he wants to talk to a counselor about what happened and how to channel his anger. [People, TMZ]

• Madonna and Jesus Luz were at the Western Wall in Jerusalem's Old City, and caused a "frenzy" of onlookers and paparazzi. Madonna wore high heels, blue jeans and a black jacket; Jesus wore a black T-shirt and a blank expression. [Daily Mail]
• In an interview with TV Guide, Paula Abdul talks about her emotional farewell from American Idol. "You know, to say ‘no regrets' isn't easy," Paula said. "I feel like I have been such a big, huge part of the success of the show from day one. I loved being able to be the artist's artist; being there from my point of view of knowing what it feels like to be vulnerable and to be out there wanting to achieve the most magical moment in a minute and 30 seconds. To be able to do that was an amazing experience and the show was wonderful for me in that regard." But she will not be taken advantage of! "I stand on principle where many people stand on money," she explained. "I'm a hard-working artist. I've lasted in this business for 23 years. And you can't do that unless you are good at what you do. I believe in myself and you have to have your own self-respect." [MSNBC]
• Paula Abdul will be on TV — playing a judge on Drop Dead Diva and hosting VH1's Divas concert. [USA Today]
• While in Las Vegas, Jon Gosselin was seen jewelry shopping. He looked at a few pinky rings, but mostly checked out engagement rings. [Radar Online]
• Paris Jackson got her hair cut and her security collected the hair from the floor and put it in a bag so no one could take a strand and do some kind of DNA test. [MSNBC via Daily Mail]
• Michael Jackson had been requesting hospital-grade sedatives in order to sleep since 1994. [MSNBC]
• OMG: Soleil Moon Frye dressed up as Punky Brewster for her Twitter fans. Sunburst hair barrettes, stripey socks, a key around the neck. Holy macanoli. Video here. [TMZ, Ustream]
• Pete Wentz is working on a new comic book series, Fall Out Toy Works, and says: "I think after you have a kid, all of a sudden you want to do things that your kid can see." But the comic image at the link depicts robot girl with giant breasts and a mini-waist, which doesn't seem appropriate for 9-month-old Bronx. [USA Today]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters were not even watching the Daytime Emmy Awards when The View won this year, after 11 years on the air. Joy Behar joked: "I always said that the key to success was showing up - this time I was wrong." [Gatecrasher]
• "Consider this year's slate of Emmy nominees for best actress in a drama: Sally Field, 62; Holly Hunter, 50; Glenn Close, 62; Mariska Hargitay, 45, and Kyra Sedgwick, 43. The single exception on the list is Elisabeth Moss, the ambitious, naive Peggy Olson in Mad Men, which recently returned for its third season. If Moss, who is 27, were to win, she would be the youngest winner in the category's history." [Philadelphia Inquirer]
• Kim Mathers did an interview with a Detroit radio station about her ex-husband, Eminem. She did not hold back, saying: "I can't stand him. He's an absolutely horrible person and he gets worse every day. I vomit in my mouth whenever I'm around him or I hear his name. There's nothing left in me for him. Nothing at all. He's not very well endowed. If you're going to have sex with Marshall, make sure you have a little blue pill, because otherwise it does not work." [The Sun]
• Real Housewives Of New York City is filming again; a crew was seen at Jill Zarin's fabric firm yesterday. But a source says there are two new women "waiting in the wings." [Page Six]
• Here's the reason Amy Winehouse was seen with magic marker freckles on her nose: Blake Fielder-Civil used to call her his "lioness." A source says: "She painted the orange marks on her nose and wore a tiger-print top so that Blake would notice." Uh, do lions have freckles? [The Sun]
• Jay-Z will mark the eighth anniversary of 9/11 with a concert to benefit the families of New York's Finest and Bravest who died that day. [Page Six]
• Interested in a story linking Sharon Osbourne, Ryan Jenkins, Jasmine Fiore, Michael Jackson, Tommy Lee Jones ... and Kevin Bacon? [TMZ]
• Keanu Reeves will star in and produce Henry's Crime, a romcom about a bighearted man who is falsely accused of robbing a bank in Buffalo. [Variety]
• Tia and Tamera Mowry will star in a Lifetime move called Double Wedding. Twin sisters begin dating the same man; cue hijinks. [Variety]
• In an interview to air on September 11, ESPN reporter Erin Andrews tells Oprah that having secretly taped nude footage of her on the internet was a "nightmare." [AP]
• "Stephen Fry: gorillas staring at my moobs inspired weight loss. Stephen Fry has said he was inspired to lose five-stone in weight when he noticed gorillas eyeing-up his ''man boobs'' with jealousy." [Telegraph]
• Shania Twain has been "moving on" since her marriage broke up last year: She is nnow with the husband of the woman her husband had an affair with and will be a guest judge on American Idol. [Reuters]
• Whatshername has spent £150,000 on a new dressage horse "which she is calling Cross Dresser." [The Sun]
• Whatshername met her new boyfriend's parents. [Mirror]
• "I was raped when I was younger, more than once." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [The Sun]
• "[When I first met him] he was wearing an EPMD T-shirt, which let me know he knew and loved classic hip-hop music and was a true fan of the culture. He was excited to meet me and told me what the show I used to host, Yo! MTV Raps, meant to his music development. He really wanted me to sign his DVD of my film Wild Style, which I sadly never got to do. I would later check him out in numerous clips on YouTube where I could see he was truly talented and was elevating the DJ game to new heights along with Travis Barker on the drums. DJ AM and I would exchange small messages on Twitter and I'd often notice him tweet about how he'd landed safely in whatever town he was in as a year ago he survived that tragic plane crash. His last tweet and looking at his @djam twitter page now looks like a monument to a fallen soldier in the culture war, which he was winning. R.I.P. DJ AM...and the BEAT GOES ON!!!!" — Fab Five Freddy. [The Daily Beast]
• "I try to [Twitter]. My parents are way better at it, obviously, than me. I keep trying to figure out, like, do people really care if I'm, like, 'hey, I'm doing my laundry!' [laughs] I keep trying to figure it out, but I'm working on it." — Rumer Willis. She also reveals that her middle sister, Scout, is fluent in French. [JustJared]
• "My early life from infancy to leaving home at 16 was spent in care. I had some wonderful social workers who supported me and helped me achieve my goals in life. That's why it's important to recruit more social workers. There are many people out there, whether they be children, families, vulnerable adults, even the aged, who need a social worker. I want to enable them to have the support they need. Help us to help them, and maybe one day they may help you." — Samantha Morton. [Guardian]
• "If you are old you're not going to play young leads any more, that's a fact. In the film world, the camera loves a young person, man or woman. That's a fact... None of these things are ever going to change. So absorb it, live with it, get over it. I'm not being unkind, but I'm just saying millions of crones like me shouldn't suddenly be given the lead in things, just because we're damn old and very ... sort of recalcitrant." — Joanna Lumley. [Telegraph]
• "There was a photo of me with weird sunglasses on and a green sweatshirt, some striped thing, with tights and cowboy boots. Something really random where in some sense it's me. To this day, I have never read the article. I just saw the photo and thought, 'God, I look crazy in that photograph!' " — Mary-Kate Olsen. [Page Six]

• Robin Wright Penn has filed for divorce from Sean Penn due to "irreconcilable differences." They've already drawn up divorce papers twice before and announced their reconciliation in May.

• The papers say they've agreed to a division of their property and shared custody of their 16-year-old son (their 18-year-old daughter is starting college). [People]
• During her E! interview last night Jon Gosselin's girlfriend Hailey Glassman said of Kate Gosselin, "I think she's a great mother, but she's definitely going for the sympathy card." She added, "TLC didn't allow [Jon and Kate] to come out and say their marriage was over a year ago." [Radar Online]
• In her segment on the E! special, Kate Major said of Jon, "I would be lying if I said there wasn't instant chemistry between us." As for their current relationship status she says, "Right now, there is no happily ever after," However, "[I was] really, really impressed-and I still am-with the person that he is." [E!]
• Kari Anne Peniche, the other girl involved in the Eric Dane/Rebecca Gayheart nude tape, says that her former roommate, singer Mindy McCready, found the video on her hard drive. Peniche says McCready stole the hard drive when she moved out of their apartment and that the trio won the rights to the video and are threatening to sue anyone who posts it on the internet. [TMZ, N.Y. Post]
• Kari Ann Peniche's rep says she's "extremely upset over this situation. She considers Eric and Rebecca dear friends and this is an unfortunate incident where consenting adults who were having a little a fun are now victims of having personal property stolen and private matters made public." Peniche, who is a former Miss United States Teen, appears in the upcoming season of Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew. [Entertainment Tonight]
• So You Think You Can Dance choreographer Alex Da Silva has been arrested on eight felony counts of assault, including four counts of forcible rape. The D.A. says there are four victims who were all dangers in Da Silva's classes. [TMZ]
• In this video, Dr. Conrad Murray thanks his patients and friends for their support. He says he recorded a video thank you because he's afraid to return phone calls and emails "because of all that is going on." [TMZ]
• This morning on Today Ann Curry suggested Brad Pitt should make a more kid-friendly movie than Inglorious Basterds. He said he's voicing a "superhero who wants out" in the movie Oobermind with Tina Fey. "It's just something [the kids will] enjoy," he said, "and that's cool." [People]
• Quentin Tarantino says of Inglourious Basterds, "Oh, I know it's going to do fantastic in Germany. People have the wrong idea of Germany. You have to remember that with the possible exception of Jews, the people that have the biggest bringing-down-the–Third Reich fantasies are the last two generations of the Germans." [N.Y. Magazine]
• New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg says 50 Cent is no planning to perform in his old neighborhood in Queens. Earlier reports claimed city police were preparing for a 50 Cent concert on August 30. [UPI]
• An insider on the set of The Fighter says that for his role as a crack addict Christian Bale "has lost almost as much weight as he did for The Machinist. He is so gaunt... They have even thinned his hair-he just looks sickly." [E!]
• Nicole Kidman will appear on the special Project Runway: All Star Challenge on Thursday. [People]
• The ruling in Slash's lawsuit against a Sotheby's real estate agent has been delayed for a month because the judge says he needs more time to decide if the real estate agent misrepresented the a property Slash bought in 2006. [Daily Express]
• Joan Rivers is dating Norm Zada, founder of the adult magazine Perfect 10, which is dedicated to "the world's most beautiful natural women." [Perez Hilton]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony hosted a dinner last night in their Long Island home in honor of Sonia Sotomayor. [Gossip Cop]
• Sony's new ad campaign features celebrity "experts" including Peyton Manning, Justin Timberlake, and Amy Sedaris, giving customers advice on which electronics they should buy. [Brand Week]
• Now that Survivor winner Richard Hatch has been released to house arrest after being imprisoned for failing to pay taxes, he's claiming that he was only sent to jail because he's gay. The prosecutors say that's "delusional." [AP]
• Johnny Knoxville has been, "telling people that his girlfriend, Naomi [Nelson], is three months pregnant," says an insider. "He's excited - and a little nervous." [Just Jared]
• 19-year-old Mike Byrne has been chosen to replace drummer Jimmy Chamberlin in The Smashing Pumpkins after more than 1,000 drummers responded to an open call. [AP]
• The first single of Mariah Carey's new CD will be a "gospel-tinged version" of Foreigner's "I Want To Know What Love Is." [ONTD]
• The Pussycat Dolls are canceling the first three dates of their tour with the Black Eyed Peas because Nicole Scherzinger has an ear infection. [All Business]
• Britney Spears will read David Letterman's Top 10 List tonight. [People]
• Shanna Moakler has agreed to let Travis Barker take their two kids on the road with him, but the custody papers say he has to arrange a vacation for her and the kids to Rhode Island at the end of the month. The papers also say the kids can't get near someone named Richard Sinnott "at any time whatsoever." [TMZ]
• A group of Russian gangsters are supposedly planning to kidnap Katie Price so she's taking her cage-fighter boyfriend Alex Reid with her to Spain. "The kidnap threat is a real worry and Kate feels much safer when Alex is around. He is a muscular man and a trained fighter who can watch her back at all times," says a source. "Kate's a tough woman but this is bound to really frighten her and convince her to take her boyfriend along for support. She will definitely feel much better having him on hand to double up as a bodyguard and scare off the mobsters." [Daily Star]
• In the clip at the link, a man takes parenting advice from Ryan O'Neal, who as you'll recall hit on his daughter, shot at one son, but bonded with the other while they were serving time for meth possession. [E!]
• A judge has ruled that Paris Hilton may have to pay back some of the $1 million she was paid to be in Pledge This!, but not the $8 million she's being sued for because it's not her fault it flopped. [AP]
• Mila Kunis says of Macaulay Culkin, her boyfriend of seven years, "I don't know if I met him at 27 if it would have been a different relationship... We grew up together. You find a steady rock in your life and that's all you need. We have our ups and downs, but work through them." [People]
• Joy Behar says of her new talk show The Joy Behar Show, "We're not going to cover depressing news. Well, we might, if someone interesting dies or something. You know, I'm following Nancy Grace, and she does a lot of crime stories, so maybe I'll pick up some of hers. She's interesting. The whole channel now - HLN - Headline News Network - is filled with divas. First is Jane Velez-Mitchell, then Nancy Grace, and then moi. The whole channel is like - how shall I say? - assertive women. It'll be fun." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Kourtney Kardashian says it was hard for her to tell her sister Kim Kardashian and mom Kris Jenner that she's pregnant. She explains, "Khloe and I called Kim on speakerphone, and I made Khloe tell her. I think Kim thought we were lying! Kim was excited, but I feel like her first reaction was like, 'Why? What are you doing?' It was really just shock. Especially since we are so extremely close, anything that happens in our family is earth-shattering to us. But she was excited. She just wanted to make sure that I had thought this through." She told her 12 and 13-year-old half-sisters in person, and now one of them calls her "fatty" every time she sees her. [People]