Sons Arrested in Murder of Couple Found Dead Next to Chilling Note: 'Sorry, My First Kill Was Clumsy'

A San Jose couple was found murdered in their home Sunday afternoon. Their two sons, ages 22 and 17, are now being held without bail on suspicion of murder. Anonymous sources who claim to have seen the murder scene told several local news agencies that a “rambling diatribe” was written on the walls and floor.

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John Boehner on Ted Cruz: He's a 'Miserable Son of a Bitch'

Former Speaker of the House John Boehner gave an extremely candid talk at Stanford University on Wednesday evening, in which he gave attendees permission to call him “boner” (“You can call me boner, beaner, jackass, happy to answer to almost anything”) and graced writers ‘cross the internet with the one thing that…

Did a Wild Rumor of an Affair with a Congresswoman Cause McCarthy to Drop Out of the Speaker Race?

House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy very, very, very abruptly dropped out of the race to become House Speaker just now. Chaos reigns. Gossipers on the right side of the aisle are heavily implying that McCarthy bailed to avoid having an alleged extramarital affair with Congresswoman Renee Ellmers of North Carolina…

John Boehner Promises No Government Shutdown Over Planned Parenthood 

John Boehner, officially in the IDGAF phase of his career, said this morning that there will be no government shutdown at the end of the month. “I expect my Democratic colleagues want to keep the government open as much as I do,” Boehner said during an appearance on Face the Nation. “The Senate is expected to pass a…

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John Boehner's Hypothetical Gay Child Would Never Change His Opinion on Marriage Equality, No Siree, Bob

Aw, man. Doesn't John Boehner just seem like the coolest, most laid-back of dudes? Forget the kind of guy you want to have a beer with. No, the House Speaker is the type of chill who'd you want to take to the beach, surf some waves, smoke a j and chit-chat about life with — all because he comes off as so reasonable,…