Did a Wild Rumor of an Affair with a Congresswoman Cause McCarthy to Drop Out of the Speaker Race?

House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy very, very, very abruptly dropped out of the race to become House Speaker just now. Chaos reigns. Gossipers on the right side of the aisle are heavily implying that McCarthy bailed to avoid having an alleged extramarital affair with Congresswoman Renee Ellmers of North Carolina… »10/08/15 3:45pm10/08/15 3:45pm

Kevin McCarthy Abruptly Pulls Out Of House Speaker Race; The Inmates Have Taken Over the Asylum

On Thursday, Rep. Kevin McCarthy announced that he was dropping out of the race to become the next Speaker of the House. The move comes days after he implied that the House Benghazi Committee was essentially designed to hurt Hillary Clinton’s presidential ambitions. »10/08/15 1:16pm10/08/15 1:16pm

John Boehner Promises No Government Shutdown Over Planned Parenthood 

John Boehner, officially in the IDGAF phase of his career, said this morning that there will be no government shutdown at the end of the month. “I expect my Democratic colleagues want to keep the government open as much as I do,” Boehner said during an appearance on Face the Nation. “The Senate is expected to pass a… »9/27/15 2:00pm9/27/15 2:00pm

Silly Capitol Police Officers Keep Forgetting Their Guns in Bathrooms

Capitol Police officers seem to have a habit of forgetting their guns whenever they take a leak. Several incidents have occurred in the past few months with Glocks being left out in the open by absent-minded security. In January, a Glock and its magazine were found jammed in a toilet seat cover holder at the Capitol… »5/03/15 3:45pm5/03/15 3:45pm

Someone Please Help Nancy Pelosi Escape This John Boehner Kiss

Ohio Republican and man-sized Oompa Loompa John Boehner was re-elected today to his third term as speaker for the House of Representatives, despite some two dozen fractious Tea Partiers voting against him for not being anti-Obama enough. To celebrate, Boehener gave Nancy Pelosi the most uncomfortable kiss in the… »1/06/15 5:20pm1/06/15 5:20pm

Republicans Offer Class on How to Talk to Women Without Being a Dick

The GOP has more problems than a math book with a distant father, but the problem that stings the worst, electorally speaking, is its problem with women. Now, party leaders are doing something about one aspect of that problem, designed especially with the hapless male conservative in mind: sensitivity training. I'm… »12/05/13 4:30pm12/05/13 4:30pm

Gay Equality Bill About to Be Passed By the Senate, Killed By House

For the first time since 1996, the US Senate is poised to actually vote on the Employment Nondiscrimination Act, a piece of legislation that aims to make it illegal for employers to discriminate against employees based on their sexuality or gender identification. It's all very inspiring, and a testament to how far… »11/04/13 7:40pm11/04/13 7:40pm

John Boehner's Hypothetical Gay Child Would Never Change His Opinion on Marriage Equality, No Siree, Bob

Aw, man. Doesn't John Boehner just seem like the coolest, most laid-back of dudes? Forget the kind of guy you want to have a beer with. No, the House Speaker is the type of chill who'd you want to take to the beach, surf some waves, smoke a j and chit-chat about life with — all because he comes off as so reasonable,… »3/18/13 10:25am3/18/13 10:25am

GOP Offers Women an Olive Branch By Appointing Men to Chair Every Important House Committee

The Republican Party might as well rename itself The Sausage Party. After a series of very important meetings, House of Representatives' majority party has chosen the legislators who will occupy the all-important roles of committee chairs during the next session. And, to the surprise of no one, every person they… »11/28/12 11:50am11/28/12 11:50am