Baby weight: A thing that happens, sometimes. Ways to fix/change it: Tuna melts*, not caring, doing Zumba or some shit, more tuna melts, or encasing yourself in a chamber of horrors like Jessica Alba. In an interview with Net-a-Porter's magazine, Alba divulges her post-pregnancy weight-loss secret after giving birth…

The British anti-child abuse advocacy group Kidscape is pissed off that Gwyneth Paltrow hawks bikinis for four to eight year-olds in her latest GOOP newsletter. She captioned images of the swimwear, a collaboration with designer Melissa Odabash and exact replica of adult bikinis sold on the site, that it's "great for…

Oh, Goopy. Ever seeking new dark sorcery with which to defy the wrinkle gods, Gwyneth Paltrow admits that she tried Botox once but did not like the results. Apparently it made her face look like a completely different woman's face! An old, ugly woman! Not like beautiful young Goopy at all! THE HORROR.

In a move that obviously has nothing to do with brother Michael's $2 billion estate, no, nothing whatsoever, LaToya Jackson has swooped in on miniature heirs Prince, Paris and Blanket Jackson and taken them under her wing. By which I mean she signed them to her talent agency, Ja-Tail Enterprises—which has no other…

Here's Joan Rivers calling a Adele a cow, or whatever. The thing is, Joan Rivers is a rare bird, and she's worked her way up the ranks like a motherfucking Terminator. She didn't get where she is by giving out Girl Scout cookies and telling everyone they're pretty. The other thing is, she mocks her own appearance,…

Nicki Minaj went on Extra to promote her MAC makeup collaboration VIVA Glam, and said that she's never had surgery on her face. "When people see my makeup they think all types of crazy things that I'm doing to my skin, but it's makeup." However, Minaj does not mention whether she had any work done below the neck, most…

Alec Baldwin's yoga instructor wife Hilaria Baldwin née Thomas, who's been teaching at Manhattan's Yoga Vida since 2005, is being sued by a 32-year-old Yale Ph.D. candidate and HuffPo blogger named Spencer Wolfe, who cites an overcrowded class, her' "negligence" and her request that students "perform a dangerous activity …

According to a source, Prince Harry plans to release an apologetic statement next week regarding his genitals. The thing is, you see, is that he only got his ween fondled on camera because he is about to ship off to Afghanistan to defend freedom! Why do you HATE THE TROOPS!? Says the source:

In this edition of Tweet Beat, Joan Rivers wants to slap Rihanna, TLC is taking care of business and Jimmy Kimmel might be in a feud with Roseanne Barr.

Mariah Carey is furious at American Idol execs for courting Nicki Minaj as a possible judge. Apparently she was under the impression that she would be the only woman on the panel, and insiders say that a two-vagina judging panel would certainly throw viewers for a loop, so it's obviously all still in talks. Because…