The National Enquirer, bastion of all legitimate-and-definitely-not-made-up-by-peoples'-greed-and-imagination news, reports that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's slinky, uber-sexual union is being torn asunder by, of all things, Tivo. Brad's allegedly pissed at Angelina for secretly recording episodes of her ex Jonny…

If we had a dime for every time someone said, "What the fuck?" in regards to any member of the Jackson family, we could probably afford to buy the Elephant Man's bones. But the family has always stuck together through the highs and lows, no matter how bizarre, over the past 40 years — from Janet's secret marriages to…

Matriarch of the Jackson family Katherine Jackson was reported missing late Saturday night by her concerned nephew, Trent Jackson, who filed the report with the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Office in the midst of an acerbic dispute between the various Jackson scions over control of Katherine Jackson's financial and…

According to a new rumor from the toothless, sidewalk proselytizer of tabloids, The Sun, Whitney Houston and Jermaine Jackson were carrying on an affair in the mid 80s, beginning as early as 1984 when Jackson was still married to Hazel Gordy. The proof? Well, Jackson was so overwhelmed with grief that he couldn't even…

• Comeback kid (?) Lindsay Lohan has already gone back to her complicated lifestyle of dramarama mixed with rich-people acquisitions. We could talk about her for hours—she just never stops! All that Red Bull, maybe. Here we go.

• Yesterday Josh Duhamel was escorted off a plane by U.S. Airways employees after he ignored three requests to turn off his Blackberry before takeoff. Another passenger says he was "very rude" and was "taunting the attendant."

• Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlon and Randy Jackson — and their late brother's estate — have an apparel line under the Jackson 5 name hitting stores in February. It naturally includes a version of the "Thriller" red leather jacket. [WWD]

• Whitney Houston is in a Paris hospital suffering from nose and throat problems.

• Someone is trying to sell the needle Dr. Conrad Murray allegedly used to give Michael Jackson the drugs that killed him to Las Vegas auction houses for $5 million. A source explains:

• Sunday in Venice, Angelina Jolie went out with Brad Pitt, their six kids, and her father, Jon Voight.

• Shocker: Angelina Jolie's dialect coach, Howard Samuelsohn, says that story in In Touch about an affair is "total bullshit." Samuelsohn tells Radar:

• The Kardashian sisters are going to put on their thinking kaps and hopefully kome up with a kollection for Bebe. [Kim Kardashian]
• Which makes about as much sense as Jermaine Jackson's rumored clothing line. [Times Of India]

• Late last night, TMZ published a report claiming that Maya Angelou had been taken to the hospital. However, a CNN news editor,Saeed Ahmed, posted on his Twitter page that Angelou's literary agent says the hospital rumors are false. [DetroitFreePress]

• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have welcomed their second child. She announced on her website, "In the middle of night, the very early hours of September 9, 2009, Sparrow James Midnight Madden was born." [Us]

• Heidi Montag's Playboy shoot: Not that X-Rated. Sources say the mag had strict instructions when photographing her:

• Renée Zellweger and Bradley Cooper are so on. How on are they?

• Rihanna will appear on the September 14 launch of The Jay Leno Show — her first performance since being assaulted by Chris Brown in February. But she won't be alone:

• Jon Gosselin has been hanging out in the Hamptons with Star reporter Kate Major. At the home of Michael Lohan. "Jon and her are good friends," Lindsay's dad says. [E!, People]