Swimsuits are trying to kill you. Kidding. But they are loaded with germs. On The Today Show, Jenna Bush taunted Willie Geist with gold lamé swim trunks while breaking the news.

[New York, October 21: President and CEO of the U.S. fund for UNICEF Caryl Stern and former first daughters Jenna Bush Hager and Barbara Bush attend the 1st Annual Unicef Masquerade Ball at The Angel Orensanz Foundation. Image via Getty.]

The UNICEF Snowflake Ball, at Cipriani 42nd Street, is a Big Deal for the philanthropic set - and a perfect chance to wear lots and lots of winter white! And let's not forget all that frosty crystal! (Sandra Lee...)

Jenna Bush Hager, daughter of former President George W. Bush, will be joining the cast of NBC's Today show as a correspondent, contributing roughly two stories per month to the program. She will not, however, be covering politics. [AP]

Jenna and Barbara Bush have written an open letter to Sasha and Malia, telling them what to expect in their years at the White House, what they should seek out and what they should avoid.

• Amy Winehouse and Blake Formerly Incarcerated: Dunzo. He's left her for a German model; she's admitted that it was never going to last and that they were "only together for sex." Keep in mind that this report comes from a terribly disreputable paper. [News Of The World, Page Six]
• By the by, Blake Fielder-Civil's jail…

I don't know if you heard and ignored, but Jenna Bush wrote this well-received book about a single, HIV-positive mother in Panama, and everyone sort of stopped thinking of her as the stupider, drunker vainer Bush twin and that was cool. Meghan McCain has a blog that is designed to help her father appeal to younger…

Barack Obama is the nominee. Hillary is making her case for VP. Tomorrow I'll tell y'all about the one time during this campaign I entertained the thought of switching allegiances on the whole "Remember The Sisterhood" premise, but right now I'll just say I'm pretty stoked. Don't get me wrong, I loved the primaries.…

Welcome back kids! How was el fin de semana? Because it sure sucked for a lot of our overseas amigos! A devastating earthquake on the scale of an earthquake that killed a quarter million people in 1976 just rocked China's Sichuan province; Burma's totalitarian military junta decided to grant itself unlimited…

• "It's out of control. There's always a different boy and everyone is worried he's going to pull a Halston." That's an anonymous friend of Marc Jacobs on the increasingly-erratic fashion designer. [Page Six]
  
• Ouch: David Lauren was not invited to his girlfriend (of three years) Lauren Bush's cousin Jenna's wedding. You…

• Laura Bush gave a speech about Burma a.k.a. Myanmar and disaster preparedness and Jenna's wedding. Her lipstick was very well-applied. More than 10,000 people may die as a result of the cyclone. Harry built a limestone altar in Texas especially for the wedding. It will be "permanent" in contrast to many of the…

A column in yesterday's Washington Post advances the critique the media has been trying to articulate ever since she refused to give an interview to that nine-year-old reporter, which is to say: Chelsea Clinton, despite having visited 119 college campuses in 37 states and flown 73,000 miles on behalf of her mom's bid…

I wanted to apologize to Jenna Bush. I don't think she really has an eating disorder at all and, on top of that, I've kind of always loved her. I love that she taught kids and lived in that poor country her gramps invaded that one time they tried to pretend they had sovereignty or whatever. I love that she got…

Like most first daughters (and humans) Jenna Bush has yo-yoed over the years, and everyone likes to deprive themselves in advance of nuptials. But this pic from the May Vogue sounded all our internal "Holy Liquefy!" alarms. So we collected a bunch of recent Jenna pics and leave the fat content Kremlinology to you:…

We know you've been on pins and needs, tossing and turning nightly worrying about who Jenna Bush was going to select to design her wedding dress. Breathe again at last: She has made her decision. Oscar de la Renta will be dressing America's favorite children's book author/boozy bride-to-be. Need to be reminded of what…

Hey look! It turns out that whole time Bill Richardson was poking little rhetorical holes in Barack Obama's record, he was actually in the back of his mind thinking, "Wow, America, if you listen to all this "experience" bullshit, you're spoiling a ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME CHANCE." A once-in-a-lifetime chance to elect a …

• Did Hulk Hogan have an affair while he was still living with his wife, Linda? And was the woman he slept with a friend of his daughter, Brooke? [Perez Hilton]
  
• Nicole Richie's baby! On the cover of People! Cute! [People]
  
• Someone styled & shot Lindsay Lohan to look like a tired tranny hooker on the cover of Paper…

Hey, what's that saying about sex and politics? You know, it's weird or something? Like Rudy and Judi. The rhyming names thing doesn't even make the list! Or Dennis and Liz. The Hobbit love thing doesn't even register! Matalin and Carville...OMG don't GO there! Sure, sometimes it gets so weird it all comes back around…