<

Actually Jeb Bush Loves Women's Health, Is Women's Health's Biggest Fan

A day after saying he’s “not sure we need half a billion dollars for women’s health issues,” Jeb Bush is quickly moving to clarify that he actually he loves women’s health. He’s women’s health’s biggest fan. He has all women’s health’s albums. Pap smears, breast exams, all those things, he thinks they’re whatever… » 8/05/15 12:45pm 8/05/15 12:45pm

Koch-Sponsored All-Male Panel: We're Just Like Susan B. Anthony

Charles and David Koch held a retreat at a California resort this weekend, where Republican candidates gathered around a pool of Koch money, attached vacuum cleaner extensions to their snouts, and gazed pleadingly at them. All conditions seemed ripe for—could it be—yes, praise Jesus, we’ve got ourselves another … » 8/03/15 11:20am 8/03/15 11:20am

Jeb Bush Thinks Lazy Americans Just Need to Work Longer Hours

Jeb Bush, in a concise summation of the mythical bootstraps ethos, told reporters at New Hampshire’s Union Leader that Americans need to work longer hours—despite the fact that Americans already work longer hours than citizens in any other industrialized nation. The hopeful future President of a country dealing with a… » 7/09/15 1:00pm 7/09/15 1:00pm

Lindsey Graham: GOP Should Change Its Position on Gay Marriage 

South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham said this morning that he believes that the Republican Party should change its official position on gay marriage. The current GOP platform affirms the party’s support for a Constitutional amendment that defines marriage “as the union of one man and one woman.” But Graham is a… » 6/28/15 12:00pm 6/28/15 12:00pm

The Daily Show Lampoons Jeb Bush's Iraq War Tapdance

This week Jeb Bush forgot that when you’re running for president, even secretly, you must distance yourself from the last guy’s mistakes, even if that guy’s your brother whose name is George and his mistake was invading Iraq. On The Daily Show, Jon Stewart tackled Jeb (pronounced Heb) and his struggles in the best way… » 5/15/15 10:10am 5/15/15 10:10am

Florida Residents, Circa 2005: Oh No, Jeb Bush Loves Porn!

Jeb Bush’s decision to release *all* his emails is still biting him in the ass: messages from the mid-2000s indicate that the former Florida Governor invested over a million dollars of pension funds of his constituents in Movie Gallery, a national film rental company that yes, rents pornographic films. Yes, Jeb Bush… » 5/08/15 3:30pm 5/08/15 3:30pm

¡Hola, Latinos! Jeb Boosh Is Your Amigo This Cinco de Mayo! Vote Heb! 

My cousin Jeb Bush (pronuncia Heb Boosh) is super excited to share his Méxican heritage with the rest of you, particularly on Cinco de Mayo, this important holiday in which non-Méxican Americans recognize their special kinship with México by drinking tequila until they are poisoned after they’ve waited in line for … » 5/05/15 6:00pm 5/05/15 6:00pm

Jeb Bush Is Hangry As Fuck for Presidency and a Plate of Goddamn Carbs

Jeb Bush wants to be your president. The lesser Bush, who’s in politics but hasn’t risen much higher than trying to “streamline the execution process” in Florida, knows that there are two things Americans really care about when it comes to voting for the leader of their country: issues and a trim body that any… » 4/24/15 11:45am 4/24/15 11:45am

Well, It's Time to Play FMK with the Republican Presidential Hopefuls

Now that Rand Paul has announced his Presidential candidacy, joining firstie candidate-in-name-only Ted Cruz and the inevitable-but-formally-unannounced Jeb Bush (sorry: “Heb Boosh”), it is officially the season of Republican conjecture. And, for a woman who would only vote Republican at gunpoint, there is only one… » 4/07/15 1:10pm 4/07/15 1:10pm

Move Over, El Bloombito; Spicy 'Hispanic' Jeb Bush is Here, Ajua!


Jeb Bush—yung progeny of former President George HW Bush, wee stony bro of former President George W Bush aka Yayoncé, and current possible Republican candidate for Prez in 2016—feels so in tune with Latinos that he registered himself to vote as “Hispanic” under “race.” Jajajajajaja QUÉ CABRÓN. » 4/06/15 10:10am 4/06/15 10:10am

Thanks to His Fuckup Brother, Jeb Bush Has Only One Wedding Pic 

Traditionalists can gripe about wedding guests relentlessly taking smartphone pictures during weddings, or the obsessive documentation of ceremonies on social media, but there's at least one huge defense of this behavior: If your official photographer monumentally screws up, at least you'll have a handful of amateur… » 2/23/15 5:10pm 2/23/15 5:10pm

High School Classmates Remember Jeb Bush As a Dickhead Stoner Bully

The Boston Globe had a long story this weekend about presumed Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush, and specifically about his formative years in a posh prep school, where his classmates remember him as a stoner who was disengaged from politics, and a bullying, lunkheaded jerk. On the one hand: who cares? On the… » 2/02/15 2:30pm 2/02/15 2:30pm

Jeb Bush Not Happy for Gorgeous, Legally Wedded Lesbians 

Jeb Bush is making all the noises necessary to run for president, which as a Republican nominee means suddenly coming out as sternly anti-gay. In an interview with the Miami Herald this weekend, he said he was disappointed a Florida state court had ruled to allow gay marriage. In 2012, Jeb suggested gay parents could… » 1/05/15 6:00pm 1/05/15 6:00pm