Patriarchies are defined by sexism: the valuing of men over women. In our American patriarchy, however, this is matched—and perhaps superseded—by something called androcentrism: the valuing of all-things-masculine over all-things-feminine. Enter the Mercedes SLK.

Oh, gosh, of course! So: the Ferraris are mainly red, the Jaguars are dark green, and the Porsches are black. This is what a lifetime of selling ties got Ralph Lifshitz.

Meet Ted Williams, a homeless man from Columbus, Ohio who has a God given gift. Unfortunately, he has no way to share it. Anyone looking to hire someone for voiceovers? Look no further.

Well, that depends on whether you're the aforementioned sexy lady, "the feline blond," "the yuppie hippie" or "the sporty mother."

Far be it for us to back off from any titillation, but we have to admit we were a little disappointed after watching this ad that was deemed too sexy for Italian TV.

When she eviscerated her subway attacker, Nicola Briggs wasn't planning on becoming an international heroine — she didn't even know she was being filmed. But she was, and she did, and I'm happy to personally confirm she's really that awesome.

It's a wonder that Hollywood agents let celebrities get popular before they've completely morphed them from a wrinkly larva to a brand new butterfly. What if the larva is exposed prematurely? Exhibit A: The pre-operative Megan Fox.

In another episode of "Everything in The Lockhorns was true," it seems men really won't ask for directions — and devote a lot of their lives to driving around lost! (Cue laugh track.)

Not just any car — a SmartCar! As the gals at Nylon put it, "the engine purrs." Additional images after the jump.

[Ashley Judd plants a kiss on husband Dario Franchitti after he wins the championship at the 2010 IZOD IndyCar Series Cafes do Brasil Indy 300. Homestead, Florida; October 2. Image via INFDaily.]

Holding a man's cup and not driving, that is. Apparently automobile nostalgia is for men alone.

I'm not really down with the whole "they make my car look cute and girlie!" sales angle of Carlashes, but put them on a kindergarten school bus or daycare van and it's A++, would do business again. [Carlashes]

How would you travel if money were no object? Perhaps, like Beyoncé and Jay-Z, you'd rent a 180-foot, Italian-made Benetti Luxury yacht that goes for $377,000… a week. Worth it? Let's take a look.

Despite men being only 57 percent of registered drivers, male drivers are responsible for 80 percent of fatal or near-fatal car accidents in New York City, according to a new report. Any other myths about women and driving to debunk?

Nissan announced its new models will feature breathable Vitamin C moisturizer pumped through the A/C. Plus! Speedometers will give birthday reminders. It's part of Nissan's effort to enhance its cars' "emotional aspect." You know, for chicks.

A British car insurance company says male drivers have far more accidents in the summer than women do. The (alleged) reason: dudes are distracted by ladies' short skirts.

When her car suddenly stopped running, a South Carolina woman went to a mechanic, who found a cheeseburger and pickle in the gas tank. Police are stumped, but we have a theory: SNL's Olympia Restaurant has installed a gas pump.

In the new film Racing Dreams, eleven-year-old go-kart racer and NASCAR hopeful Annabeth Barnes shows what it's like to be a girl in fast-paced sport still dominated by boys.