Mayflies Invade Bridge in Central Illinois, End Of Days Imminent
Grab your can opener and head for the nearest bomb shelter. The mayflies have come for us, and as far as I’m concerned, they may as well be locusts.
Daughter of Illinois State Rep Accused of Attacking Mother's Opponent With Staple Gun
The daughter of Illinois State Representative Cynthia Soto has been arrested and charged with attacking her mom’s opponent with a staple gun. Robert Zwolinski, who was running against Rep. Soto, tweeted a harrowing photo of himself with a pretty clear staple wound to the head.
Utterly Fucked Illinois Bill Would Refuse Birth Certificates, Financial Aid if Father Is Not Named [UPDATED]
A pair of Illinois Republicans have co-sponsored a bill that would refuse to issue a birth certificate to any newborn child whose father is not listed. Hello and welcome to the year 1903!
Female Reporters at Chicago's WFLD Reportedly Banned From Wearing Hats in Outdoor Shots
A fun idea, being instituted for what we’re sure are totally non-bullshit reasons: female reporters at Chicago Fox station WFLD are reportedly being told not to wear hats during outdoor live shots this winter. A producer apparently thinks women “look a lot better without hats.”
Report from the Office for Civil Rights: Trans Students Must Be Given Locker Room Access
A transgender student in Illinois has won a two-year victory: the Obama administration has found that her school violated Title IX by refusing to let her have full access to the women’s bathrooms and locker rooms due to the fact that she had not fully transitioned. The report, released on Monday by the Office for…
The State Where Women Could Drink at 18 and Men Had to Wait
If you were an 18-year-old woman living in Illinois between the end of prohibition and 1961, you were legally free to enter a bar and order the drink of your choosing. If you were an 18-year-old man, you would not be afforded the same right.
High School Dance Proposals Are Getting Weirder and Weirder
Homecoming, whether you like it or not, is here. It’s the first formal dance of a new school year in which a teen is given the chance to experience a sweaty slow dance with the current object of their affection. Perhaps even, some backseat dry-humping. Two teenagers from Illinois decided to go the extra mile and ask…
L.A. Times: Dennis Hastert Was Paying to Conceal His 'Sexual Misconduct'
When it was announced Thursday that former House speaker Dennis J. Hastert has been indicted on blackmail charges, nobody had any idea what the hell was going on. The plot has thickened rapidly: Hastert is accused of paying roughly $1.7 million in hush money since 2010, and the L.A. Times is reporting it was to cover…
Cigars & Stripes Town Ponders Anti-Two Way Mirror Law
The town of Berwyn, Illinois, where comedian Tamale Rocks discovered a two-way mirror in the women’s bathroom of a comedy club, is considering a new ordinance to make two-way mirrors in businesses illegal. Meanwhile, Ronnie Lottz, the owner of Cigars and Stripes comedy club, who once vowed to Jezebel that he’d “burn…
Berwyn Police on Bar's Two-Way Mirror: 'No Privacy Rights Were Violated'
After our story about the two-way mirror in the Cigars and Stripes women’s room was published Sunday evening, the Berwyn police department decided to pay the fine establishment a visit. The chief of police said afterwards that while he can see why women might find the mirror concerning — it is directly opposite the…
Fancy Downton Abbey Office-Having Congressman Aaron Schock Resigns
Frequently unshirted Congressman Aaron Schock of Illinois, Downton Abbey's number one fan, announced Tuesday he's resigning his post. The move comes just months after Schock became a national laughingstock and a walking one-man example of unchecked political corruption and personal avarice. He's blaming "constant…
Indiana Is Considering Introducing 'Baby Boxes' to Surrender Newborns
Indiana is considering introducing "baby boxes," which would aim to facilitate the safe surrender of newborns.
Seriously, Stop Using Beauty Products With Microbeads
Scrawl this at the top of your grocery list in ink: "No more plastic microbeads." With environmental groups raising hue and cry, lawmakers in New York and Illinois are moving fast to ban the weird, gross exfoliators. In the meantime: Let's all quit buying them, shall we?
Bomb Threat At Illinois High School Traced to Angry Teacher
Last week, a frightening note was found at Calhoun County High School in Hardin, Illinois. The note, which read "KABOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im tired of all the people here. Everyone is going down, the school will b n flames" was found in the women's bathroom of the school, leading authorities to evacuate the building and do…
College Students Throw Racist Fit Over Being Denied A Snow Day
It's cold in the middle of the country. Hair follicle numbingly, butt puckeringly, jean freezingly cold. And so, when the National Weather Services forecasted treacherous wind chills for their city, University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign students collectively hoped the school's Chancellor Phyllis Wise would cancel…
Illinois Finally Cracking Down on the Sale of African Lion Meat
At long last Illinois is considering legislation to deal with its disquieting lion meat problem. Oh, you weren't aware that folks in Illinois were tearing into huge lion rib eyes at Fourth of July barbecues, washing down the gamey taste of proud African wildcat with onomatopoetic soft drinks and A1? Then you, my poor,…
Illinois Senators Will Likely Vote on Gay Marriage Today
Illinois senators were slated to vote this week on the Religious Freedom and Marriage Fairness Act, which LGBT advocates had been working on for months, but now, in hopes of moving things forward as quickly as possible, they'll be voting on an amendment to HB4963, which is about automobile rentals and the Collateral…
POTUS Would Very Much Appreciate It If Illinois Legalized Same-Sex Marriage
President Barack Obama has very publicly entered the fight for same-sex marriage in Illinois. Possibly just days before the Illinois General Assembly wrangles over the issue of same-sex marriage, POTUS urged lawmakers in his home state to legalize same-sex marriage because, in so many words, it'd be really shitty of…
'Pro-Life Without Exception' Congressman Thinks Women Can't Die from Pregnancy, Thanks to 'Science'
Another health expert from that radical women's advocacy group we call the US House of Representatives has offered a great science-based justification for why abortion should not be available to any woman under any circumstances — not even to save her life. According to Illinois Republican Joe Walsh, allowing women to…
