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L.A. Times: Dennis Hastert Was Paying to Conceal His 'Sexual Misconduct'

When it was announced Thursday that former House speaker Dennis J. Hastert has been indicted on blackmail charges, nobody had any idea what the hell was going on. The plot has thickened rapidly: Hastert is accused of paying roughly $1.7 million in hush money since 2010, and the L.A. Times is reporting it was to cover… » 5/29/15 4:10pm 5/29/15 4:10pm

Cigars & Stripes Town Ponders Anti-Two Way Mirror Law

The town of Berwyn, Illinois, where comedian Tamale Rocks discovered a two-way mirror in the women’s bathroom of a comedy club, is considering a new ordinance to make two-way mirrors in businesses illegal. Meanwhile, Ronnie Lottz, the owner of Cigars and Stripes comedy club, who once vowed to Jezebel that he’d “burn… » 5/21/15 10:10am 5/21/15 10:10am

Berwyn Police on Bar's Two-Way Mirror: 'No Privacy Rights Were Violated'

After our story about the two-way mirror in the Cigars and Stripes women’s room was published Sunday evening, the Berwyn police department decided to pay the fine establishment a visit. The chief of police said afterwards that while he can see why women might find the mirror concerning — it is directly opposite the… » 4/28/15 2:50pm 4/28/15 2:50pm

Fancy Downton Abbey Office-Having Congressman Aaron Schock Resigns 

Frequently unshirted Congressman Aaron Schock of Illinois, Downton Abbey's number one fan, announced Tuesday he's resigning his post. The move comes just months after Schock became a national laughingstock and a walking one-man example of unchecked political corruption and personal avarice. He's blaming "constant… » 3/17/15 2:50pm 3/17/15 2:50pm

Bomb Threat At Illinois High School Traced to Angry Teacher

Last week, a frightening note was found at Calhoun County High School in Hardin, Illinois. The note, which read "KABOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im tired of all the people here. Everyone is going down, the school will b n flames" was found in the women's bathroom of the school, leading authorities to evacuate the building and do… » 5/05/14 9:40am 5/05/14 9:40am

College Students Throw Racist Fit Over Being Denied A Snow Day

It's cold in the middle of the country. Hair follicle numbingly, butt puckeringly, jean freezingly cold. And so, when the National Weather Services forecasted treacherous wind chills for their city, University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign students collectively hoped the school's Chancellor Phyllis Wise would cancel… » 1/27/14 8:30pm 1/27/14 8:30pm

Illinois Finally Cracking Down on the Sale of African Lion Meat

At long last Illinois is considering legislation to deal with its disquieting lion meat problem. Oh, you weren't aware that folks in Illinois were tearing into huge lion rib eyes at Fourth of July barbecues, washing down the gamey taste of proud African wildcat with onomatopoetic soft drinks and A1? Then you, my poor,… » 3/10/13 12:00pm 3/10/13 12:00pm

Illinois Senators Will Likely Vote on Gay Marriage Today

Illinois senators were slated to vote this week on the Religious Freedom and Marriage Fairness Act, which LGBT advocates had been working on for months, but now, in hopes of moving things forward as quickly as possible, they'll be voting on an amendment to HB4963, which is about automobile rentals and the Collateral… » 1/03/13 2:30pm 1/03/13 2:30pm

POTUS Would Very Much Appreciate It If Illinois Legalized Same-Sex Marriage

President Barack Obama has very publicly entered the fight for same-sex marriage in Illinois. Possibly just days before the Illinois General Assembly wrangles over the issue of same-sex marriage, POTUS urged lawmakers in his home state to legalize same-sex marriage because, in so many words, it'd be really shitty of… » 12/30/12 1:45pm 12/30/12 1:45pm

'Pro-Life Without Exception' Congressman Thinks Women Can't Die from Pregnancy, Thanks to 'Science'

Another health expert from that radical women's advocacy group we call the US House of Representatives has offered a great science-based justification for why abortion should not be available to any woman under any circumstances — not even to save her life. According to Illinois Republican Joe Walsh, allowing women to… » 10/19/12 4:15pm 10/19/12 4:15pm

Illinois Pharmacists Can Now Legally Refuse to Sell You Plan B Because of Religious Beliefs

If you live in Illinois, you better pray super hard that your condom never breaks — or that something even worse transpires — because a state appeals court recently upheld a ruling that exempted pharmacists with religious objections from prescribing emergency contraceptives. Let's hope your friendly local Walgreens… » 9/26/12 2:40pm 9/26/12 2:40pm

Strip Clubs in Illinois Will Now Pay a New Tax to Help Fund Rape Crisis Centers

On Saturday, Illinois Gov. Pat Quinn signed a law that will force strip clubs to pay an additional tax, which will in turn be used to fund programs aimed at preventing sexual assault as well as counseling sexual assault victims. The new tax is expected to haul in about $1 million a year for rape prevention programs,… » 8/19/12 3:00pm 8/19/12 3:00pm

Married Couple Propositions 13-Year-Old Girl For Sex, and Naturally, People Blame... The Girl

A couple in Gurnee, Illinois was arrested and charged with attempting to facilitate sex with a 13-year-old girl, which is completely messed up on its own. But the story becomes more of a symphony of WTF when you scroll on down past the article about the couple's arrest, into the comments, where everyone and their… » 8/06/12 6:30pm 8/06/12 6:30pm

Please Stop Bugging Michelle Obama About Running for Senate

She may have academic credentials that match her Commander-in-Chief husband, the popular appeal of Madeleine Albright circa 1999, and the fashion chops of Carla Bruni, but Michelle Obama wants to make it clear that she's not interested in running for Senate in 2016. In other news, people are already starting to badger… » 5/29/12 7:00pm 5/29/12 7:00pm

Republicans Bravely Defend Children's Right to Tell Gay Kids They're Going to Hell

The gig's up, homos — Republicans in Illinois are on to your bullshit. They know that all these pinko attempts to strengthen anti-bullying rules are all just part of the gay agenda, an attempt to actually keep the Christian kids down by stripping them of their god-given right to inform all the sissies and limp-wrists… » 5/23/12 5:15pm 5/23/12 5:15pm

The Dumbest Yelp Thread Ever: 'Is It Just Me? Women Eating McDonald's a Turn Off?'

All this time we ladies thought going to McDonald's and ordering a burger and downing it with some fries was really turning the guys on, which is obviously why we all went there in the first place. But it looks like we have been terribly mistaken. Our milkshakes might in fact be driving boys from the yard Playland—at… » 4/03/12 10:40am 4/03/12 10:40am

Mitt Romney Delivers Useless Blow to Rick Santorum in Illinois

Mitt Romney has been projected to win the Illinois primary tonight by an impressive margin. This was expected, but nevertheless, Romney's pride and joy circuits are probably blowing out as we speak. Of course, Santorum will continue his quixotic quest for the presidency undaunted. Why would he do such a thing—other… » 3/20/12 9:05pm 3/20/12 9:05pm