Ehsan Abdulaziz, a 46-year-old British millionaire, has responded to allegations that he raped an 18-year-old by saying first that “she’ll have to prove it,” and second that he probably fell inside her. A PSA to future bros attempting the same defense: a vagina is actually not a manhole. You can’t just fall into one.
Mary Carney, a Marshfield, Wisconsin School Board member, member of the Central Wisconsin Tea Party and Very Frightened Person, will attempt today to do right by her child, her faith, and the Statue of Liberty by wresting Jim Henson’s For Every Child, a Better World out of the hands of vulnerable kindergarteners.
Tom Brady, who said earlier this month that a Trump presidency “would be great” because Donald Trump gave him a free hat once and is “a hell of a lot of fun to play golf with,” has since chastised the media for taking his opinions seriously.
Shawn Bunn, a computer lab manager at Harvard University and verified adult baby, has been accused of using his University-issued credit card to pay for $80,000 worth of Lego sets and electronics.
Kentucky, man. I was born in this fine state, and am in fact here right now, but dang, there are some particularly vocal duds roaming around this summer.
Ansel Elgort, honorary teen, was interviewed by DJ friend and actual teen Martin Garrix for Teen Vogue. The resulting article is—as we have come to expect from this poreless maniac—a volcanic eruption of idiocy. I’m having a panic attack. Let’s dig in!
According to the New York Post, this summer’s hottest fad is peeing, and talking about your pee with your friends to see whose pee is the best.
The Donald, seriously miffed after Univision ended its relationship with Miss Universe in response to his ugly bleats about Mexican immigrants, decided to let Univision CEO and president Randy Falco know just who he’s messing with.
On Friday, the Family Court of Australia overturned an injunction filed on June 5th that banned a mother from breastfeeding her 11-month-old on the absurd basis that her recent tattoo endangered the child.
Immediately following the layoffs of 175 J.Crew staff members last week, Alejandro Rhett, VP of men’s merchandising, went out drinking.
Jim Bob and Michelle Dugger went on Fox News Wednesday night to explain why their son’s childhood molestation habit wasn’t really that big of a deal. Unsurprisingly, InTouch has found, many of their statements were deliberately misleading.
There are just so many ways to grab Wednesday and bend it to your will, to tell Wednesday, “Listen up, Wednesday, I am the boss of you and soon you will disappear over the horizon, utterly forgotten, just like Monday and Tuesday before you.” Some people buy a venti iced caramel macchiato, some people post a #HumpDay…
Attention, Poland: There is an idiot on the loose.
There is a sweet little lady in Dallas, Texas who feels the American presidency is not made for women because of our hormones. Heaven knows what we’d do if presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton was suffering a hot flash while negotiating with someone like Prime Minister Netanyahu, she may start World War III!
After shutting down Etsy vendors who were trying to memorialize the famed "Left Shark" of the 2015 Super Bowl halftime show in art, Katy Perry has revealed her master plan: To make big bucks selling her own Left Shark merchandise. Tell me, are you the idiot who would buy this?
When last we heard from Rudy Giuliani, he was saying pretty stupid things. Less than 24 hours later, he decided to do damage control by saying more stupid things. And now he's gone from being stupid and mildly racist to full-on idiotic and racist in an attempt to do even more damage control/get more attention. Stop.
Six fraternities and sororities at the University of Michigan have been suspended for absolutely trashing two ski resorts, damage that's estimated to exceed $50,000. There are still plenty of pictures of the wreckage on photo-sharing app Sneek, with some students arguing it's really no big deal.
A group of seniors from Commack High School in Long Island are in trouble after tweeting out a photo of themselves in homemade t-shirts spelling out "R-A-P-E-?," followed by another photo that includes an additional teen (likely a boy dressed in drag), bound with duct tape and laid at their feet, with the t-shirts…