Woman Does Extraordinary Number of Whip-Its, Crashes SUV Into Mailbox

There are just so many ways to grab Wednesday and bend it to your will, to tell Wednesday, “Listen up, Wednesday, I am the boss of you and soon you will disappear over the horizon, utterly forgotten, just like Monday and Tuesday before you.” Some people buy a venti iced caramel macchiato, some people post a #HumpDay… » 6/03/15 5:40pm 6/03/15 5:40pm

Adorable Female CEO Thinks God Doesn't Want a Woman President

There is a sweet little lady in Dallas, Texas who feels the American presidency is not made for women because of our hormones. Heaven knows what we’d do if presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton was suffering a hot flash while negotiating with someone like Prime Minister Netanyahu, she may start World War III! » 4/16/15 1:10pm 4/16/15 1:10pm

Rudy Giuliani: I'm Not Racist; Our Dumb President Had a White Mom

When last we heard from Rudy Giuliani, he was saying pretty stupid things. Less than 24 hours later, he decided to do damage control by saying more stupid things. And now he's gone from being stupid and mildly racist to full-on idiotic and racist in an attempt to do even more damage control/get more attention. Stop. » 2/20/15 9:50am 2/20/15 9:50am

Long Island High Schoolers Busted After Appalling Rape T-Shirt Joke

A group of seniors from Commack High School in Long Island are in trouble after tweeting out a photo of themselves in homemade t-shirts spelling out "R-A-P-E-?," followed by another photo that includes an additional teen (likely a boy dressed in drag), bound with duct tape and laid at their feet, with the t-shirts… » 9/19/14 3:15pm 9/19/14 3:15pm

Kid Preaches that Women 'Deserve Rape,' Is Sad About Having No Friends

About a year ago, we covered the antics of Dean "Brother Dean" Saxton, a University of Arizona student who's styled himself a sort of one-boy Westboro Baptist Church. Saxton considers himself a "sign from God," and whiles away the hours preaching on campus about how whores "deserve rape," everyone should stop… » 5/05/14 7:45pm 5/05/14 7:45pm

Brave White Men Are Marching Tomorrow for White Male Freedom

Some big dumb idiot named Kyle Hunt has organized a racist dumb idiot parade tomorrow in New York City to march for idiots' rights. And "also to make a statement that white people are united in their love for their race and in their opposition to its destruction." It's called the "White Man March" (say what you see,… » 3/14/14 7:45pm 3/14/14 7:45pm

The Daily Show Takedown of Civil War History Revisionists Is Fantastic

Courageous outlier/former New Jersey Superior Court Judge Andrew Napolitano isn't afraid to voice unpopular opinions no matter how factually inaccurate they are. The Fox News senior judicial analyst recently expressed some pretty out there (and entirely ignorant) thoughts on Abraham Lincoln and the American Civil War,… » 2/25/14 5:15pm 2/25/14 5:15pm

College Students Throw Racist Fit Over Being Denied A Snow Day

It's cold in the middle of the country. Hair follicle numbingly, butt puckeringly, jean freezingly cold. And so, when the National Weather Services forecasted treacherous wind chills for their city, University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign students collectively hoped the school's Chancellor Phyllis Wise would cancel… » 1/27/14 8:30pm 1/27/14 8:30pm

Rich Idiots Will Pay Nearly $30K a Night to Sleep in Luxury Hotels

Those darn wealthy people! It's like every time you see them, they're doing some ridiculous new thing like lighting a cigar with a $100 bill, buying their way onto lifeboats on the Titanic or tricking a rube into selling his oil-rich land for far less than it's worth. And this time's no different. Now, our world's… » 1/21/14 3:00pm 1/21/14 3:00pm

Feral Alaska Woman Sarah Palin Might Not Be Able to Read

Sarah Palin — the lush-haired simpleton who wandered out of the Alaska territory all those years ago and hasn't stopped rambling away in her chripy, feral Nell language since — is doing a lot of talking lately, this time bravely speaking up for Phil Robertson, the Duck Dynasty star who was fired from his own show… » 12/24/13 4:20pm 12/24/13 4:20pm

Megyn Kelly Insists Santa Claus and Jesus Are White Because Duh

Fox News' Megyn Kelly is pretty annoyed about Slate writer Aisha Harris' thoughtful essay "Santa Claus Should Not Be a White Man Anymore." Her counter argument? Santa Claus — a fantasy person who doesn't actually exist — should be a white man because displaying him as otherwise would be an insult to his (again,… » 12/12/13 1:30pm 12/12/13 1:30pm

Dumb Groom Calls in Bomb Threat After Forgetting to Book Wedding Venue

Everyone, I know that 99% of what I say is nonsense, but listen: If you ever find yourself in a position where you are minutes away from getting married and you realize that you've forgotten to book the venue, please — PLEASE — do not call in a bomb threat in order to distract your spouse-to-be from your epic… » 10/08/13 6:45pm 10/08/13 6:45pm