Everyone, I know that 99% of what I say is nonsense, but listen: If you ever find yourself in a position where you are minutes away from getting married and you realize that you've forgotten to book the venue, please — PLEASE — do not call in a bomb threat in order to distract your spouse-to-be from your epic fuck-up. …
The Supreme Court's DOMA and Prop 8 rulings
Let's be clear. This article — "Dear Girls, Please Shave Your Pubic Hair" — written by "Bernie B" for Thought Catalog is clickbait that's meant to make you angry. And it works! I clicked, I got mad and now I'm responding to it. It's the ciiiiiiiiiircle of internet life and it moves us all, especially if you, like me,…
Because of his awesome judgment and giant brain, Oklahoma State Representative Dennis Johnson broke out the phrase "Jew me down on a price" during a floor debate about the challenges facing small businesses. After someone slipped him a note pointing out that it's 20-fucking-13 and the last year in which it was…
Third Rate Sad Wang Rush Limbaugh took it to the next bullshit level when he spoke some truly insane nonsense about lesbians and alcohol and fatness and yeah. Actually, it sounds like he's explaining a personal fantasy of his, but nope — it's just some good old-fashioned hate-mongering from King Bigot.
Looks like Christmas has come early! Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska and VP candidate, is working on a new book about the December Christian holiday and the Godless pagans who keep trying to destroy it. (Hiiiiiii!)
It is 1986. We are 13- and 14-year-olds, rank-smelling in unwashed teenager jeans, unsupervised and latch-keyed after school, huddled around the face of the future: The screen of a first-generation Apple Macintosh personal computer. Within the machine's non-dairy creamer-colored casing is a malleable visual playground…
Conservative commentator/demon lady Charlotte Allen is behind some of the biggest anti-feminist hits of the past decade: she's argued that sexy Halloween costumes justify rape, mocked transgender rights, and straight-up called women dumb.
OK, I had to draw out a diagram to figure out exactly what happened in this insane murder mess. So, we've got Brett Nash, a 46-year-old former barge worker, who planned to abduct, extort, and electrocute a rich dude who was trying to get with Nash's wife. He then planned to pin the murder on the rich dude's cat. He…
You guys. Seriously. Seriously. The dummies using the #TCOT (Top Conservatives on) Twitter hashtag are really, truly something else.
Femininity expert and giant elderly fetus Todd Akin is moving his mouth parts and making awful sounds again. This time, rather than sharing his opinions about Rape Science, he's got an opinion about his opponent Senator Claire McCaskill, who he has determined is poised to lose the election because she is less "ladylike"…
Until today, I hadn't watched nor particularly cared about Tosh.0, because sometimes it's more productive to ignore dumb sexist bullshit that you know will make you want to throw things at your television. But this recent segment, in which comedian Daniel Tosh asks viewers to record themselves sneaking up behind women…
Authorities have arrested a man suspected of planting a bomb on the windowsill of a Planned Parenthood clinic in Grand Chute, Wisconsin after the getaway video that was captured via surveillance camera leaving the scene got in an accident on the way to whatever other idiotic thing the driver was on his way to do.
Rush Limbaugh seems to have a bottomless well from which he can draw offensive blather, and today he reached down there and pulled out a pretty solid gem of pure shit. He was discussing a recent interview Danica Patrick did in which she gave her views on Obama's mandate that health care plans cover contraception. Why…
A Republican Congressman from Louisiana has become the laughingstock of the internet after posting a story from The Onion to his Facebook wall and then commenting on the sad, sad, evil state of the world. Congressmen: just like us! Or, rather, just like our elderly conservative great uncles who think that an…
Thank goodness we have Rush Limbaugh to explain Kraft's ulterior motive for launching the Triple Double Oreo, an Oreo with three cookies and both vanilla and chocolate cream filling. Apparently it's actually a "biracial cookie," and thus it should be called the "Or-Bam-eo." Oh, Rush! This is almost as hilarious as that…
When Michelle Obama isn't carrying out her duties as First Lady, she's conspiring with the writers of the Ultimate Spider-Man comic book series to destroy America for racists like Glenn Beck who don't want to see a non-white Spider-Man.
Glenn Beck is worried that in the month since his Fox show was canceled we've forgotten that he's a blathering nutjob and all around horrible person. That's the only explanation we can come up with for Beck comparing the Norway Labor Party camp where 68 people were shot last week to the Hitler Youth. On his radio show, …
Have you ever plugged your headset into the air traffic control channel on an airplane's radio system? It's typically pretty boring.
We know publishing and book marketing follow a formula that involves mashing up previously successful books. We know self-help involves bullet points, and that Ladies Love Makeovers. We know paranormal and memoir (novel/memoir even!) remain sought-after genres. The people behind this book know all of these things too,…
A Republican party official says her email with the face of President Obama on the body of a chimp isn't racist at all, and it's the media who are "mak[ing] this about race."
Obviously, it's called "The Daily Cramp."
As if the devastation in Japan wasn't horrifying enough, in the U.S. we've been subjected to idiotic jokes about the disaster and wingnuts' ridiculous suggestions
Today on his radio show, Rush Limbaugh went off on a dazzlingly idiotic rant in which he called Michelle Obama a hypocrite for dining on ribs while she preaches a health diet. Rush said,
Quoth Rush: "Gestational carrier…almost sounds like a disease and for some women pregnancy is…a disease. Them and the Feminazis, of course." He speculated that "Maybe [Kidman] didn't want to bother with getting pregnant again, I don't know." True, you don't.
