Hello Your Eminences, Madam President, Mr. King, Mrs. Queen and everyone else put in charge of keeping their nation on the rails: Can we talk?

Welcome to Big Time Small-Time Dicks, a regular column on The Slot that explores local politicians, small-town scandals, and everything else making life miserable on a local level. Know a small-time person who is a big time dick we should feature? Email us.

On Sunday, I arrived in North Dakota and headed to Oceti Sakowin, one of the main camps where Native water protectors are peacefully blocking the planned path of the Dakota Access Pipeline. I did some interviews. The photographer accompanying me took photos. It was icy cold and very dark and once or twice I fell down…

A law professor at the University of Oregon is under investigation after showing up to an off-campus Halloween party in blackface.

As grim spectre of the first presidential debate looms faintly in the distance, we are blessed with the insight of people like Kathy Miller, Ohio Trump campaign chair who said Thursday that before Obama, there was no racism.

The Daily Mail published a story Wednesday in which the publication claims that former Congressman and prolific sexter Anthony Weiner was sending flirtatious and explicit messages to a 15-year-old girl, despite knowing she was underage. The DM published many, many screenshots of the exchanges, which include at least…

I guess you could say I’m a “romantic.” I love that moment, on a second or third date, when you catch that person’s eye and hold it for a second and you know, you just know, that something amazing is about to happen between you but this moment of anticipation is so delicious that you want to savor it, and then you…

A befuddled British voter named Adam who is having a very bewildering day told the BBC that he is “a bit shocked, to be honest” that he voted to leave the EU and now Britain has done gone and left the EU. Adam, whose last name was mercifully withheld, didn’t think his vote counted, you see.

In an interview with CNN today, Florida Governor Rick Scott—an empty shell of a man so comically villainous that comparisons to Voldemort are unfair to Voldemort—defended Florida’s gun laws. In the interview, Scott was asked about President Obama’s speech where he challenged, “those who defend the easy accessibility…

As you may have heard, Obama recently instructed public schools to allow transgender students to use whichever bathroom aligns with their gender identity. Republicans—for whom bathroom activities are evidently paramount—will not stand for this, because they are nothing if not valiant protectors of women, and also…

Owen Labrie, now 20, was released from jail on Monday, May 16. Labrie, who was convicted of sexually assaulting a 15-year-old classmate at the elite St. Paul’s School in 2014, was sent to jail in March after violating the terms of his bail. Though he was initially sentenced to a year, Merrimack County Judge Larry…

Administrators at Bullard Elementary School in Kennesaw, Georgia, have had to change elements of its yoga and mindfulness practices after parents protested that their children were being corrupted by evil non-Christian beliefs.

Ted Cruz, a melting and radioactive potato who continues to beat the odds stacked against him by his own face and personality, has weighed in on the terrorist attacks in Brussels on Tuesday morning by helpfully declaring war.

Kentucky’s new governor Matt Bevin, whose political views and personal affect are a cross between Ted Cruz and a labradoodle, has posted a video of himself marching through Kentucky’s empty House chambers to prove that Democrats aren’t working on the budget.

Sam’s Club, a discount warehouse store owned by Wal-Mart, could be criticized for any number of things, including huge job cuts, poor employee conditions, or its willingness to sell you a barrel of Jack Daniels. The thing people are choosing to criticize the company for is much, much more stupid.

Ehsan Abdulaziz, a 46-year-old British millionaire, has responded to allegations that he raped an 18-year-old by saying first that “she’ll have to prove it,” and second that he probably fell inside her. A PSA to future bros attempting the same defense: a vagina is actually not a manhole. You can’t just fall into one.

Mary Carney, a Marshfield, Wisconsin School Board member, member of the Central Wisconsin Tea Party and Very Frightened Person, will attempt today to do right by her child, her faith, and the Statue of Liberty by wresting Jim Henson’s For Every Child, a Better World out of the hands of vulnerable kindergarteners.

Tom Brady, who said earlier this month that a Trump presidency “would be great” because Donald Trump gave him a free hat once and is “a hell of a lot of fun to play golf with,” has since chastised the media for taking his opinions seriously.

Shawn Bunn, a computer lab manager at Harvard University and verified adult baby, has been accused of using his University-issued credit card to pay for $80,000 worth of Lego sets and electronics.