Dirty Stinky Single Boys Never, Ever Wash Their Sheets

Here's a romantic image to keep in mind the next time you follow a babe home for a one-night stand or a third-date humpathon: you're probably snuggling up in other people's toe residue and butt fumes and dried-out sex scum! And you're rubbing your genitals on it! AH, YOUNG LUST. » 8/28/13 7:20pm 8/28/13 7:20pm

Here's a Video of a Mosquito's Mouth-Parts Probing Your Tender Flesh

If you've always wondered exactly what it looks like, inside of your flesh, when a mosquito sticks its stabby, contaminated tube-mouth in there and sucks your blood, YOU'RE WELCOME. Here's a video of it. Video of the mosquito probing around for a blood vessel (inside "a flap of mouse skin") is above, and video of the… » 8/06/13 10:30pm 8/06/13 10:30pm

I Sucked on a Breast Milk Lollipop and Lived to Write About It

Back in June I covered an exciting new product hitting the novelty lollipop market: the Texas-based Lollyphile Breast Milk-Flavored Lollipop. My feelings on the matter were a blend of maximum-lolz, medium-nausea, and the smug comfort of living very, very far away from Texas. Here's what I wrote at the time: » 8/02/13 2:00pm 8/02/13 2:00pm

Man Rips Off Own Penis After Eating Evil Mushrooms

Today in other reasons to be a square who goes to bed at 8:30 pm, a 41-year-old Ohio man was found naked, screaming, high on mushrooms, and covered in blood outside of a middle school last week. The blood was penis blood. Because he had taken his penis off. With his hands. Penis/Off. Oh dear. » 6/26/13 4:30pm 6/26/13 4:30pm

Horrifying Hazing Pics Will Make You Want to Lock Up Your Kids Forever

When we talk about "hazing" in the media, it's usually in pretty abstract generalities—the victims were humiliated, beaten, forced to drink to excess, and so on—but there's nothing quite like a photograph to drive home just what something means. These photos from an investigation into hazing at Inglemoor High School… » 6/21/13 10:50am 6/21/13 10:50am

This Kansas Bill to Quarantine HIV-Positive People Is Beyond Fucking…

I've been trying for a couple of days to figure out how to even talk about this without throwing my computer out the window and then burrowing my body into some soft mud underneath my back porch and just hiding there forever. I hope this approach doesn't seem trivializing, but I'm simply speechless. So here are some… » 3/29/13 9:30am 3/29/13 9:30am

Woman Loses Her Legs and Fingers to Terrifying 'Dog Bacteria'

In case you needed something new to feel anxious about now that you've given up zip-lining, here's some info about a deadly pathogen that could be lurking in your furry friends' saliva. » 1/21/13 9:30pm 1/21/13 9:30pm

Sham Dentists Arrested for Performing Unlicensed Root Canals

In the pantheon of worst human word combinations, I think that "fake dentist performs DIY root canal" is pretty much Zeus. In a horrific story out of Bryn Mawr, PA, a pair of unlicensed dental clinic employees (one of whom had no medical training whatsoever) have been moonlighting as bargain basement back-alley… » 12/18/12 7:00pm 12/18/12 7:00pm

Health Alert: Don't Drink Water or Eat Food or You'll Die

Oh, food. So delicious and necessary-for-not-dying, and yet soooooooooo constantly full of poisonous poop. Food recalls are probably my favorite type of horrifying national emergency, because they're so mysterious and close to home. Like, I eat food (much to the displeasure of the "Manosphere")!!! I totally eat it all… » 12/03/12 4:00pm 12/03/12 4:00pm

Elmo Puppeteer Kevin Clash Resigns from Sesame Street Following New…

Well, turns out our collective sigh of relief was short-lived. Though puppeteer Kevin Clash's first accuser recanted his claims one week ago, Clash officially resigned from Sesame Street today. Though it's not mentioned in Clash's official resignation, his departure coincides with new allegations from a second… » 11/20/12 12:00pm 11/20/12 12:00pm

O.J. Simpson Might Be Selling His 'Murder Knife' for $5 Million

Today in OKEY DOKEY, acquitted murder suspect and totally innocent kewl dood! all-around sociopathic piece of shit O.J. Simpson is reportedly attempting to sell the knife used in his wife's murder for $5 million. The knife—if it is the knife—was used in the brutal slayings of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson in… » 10/18/12 6:20pm 10/18/12 6:20pm

Should Parents Be Allowed to Murder Child Molesters? Is This a Trick…

Texan news reached almost Floridian proportions of horribleness this week, when a father walked in on an acquaintance sexually assaulting his four-year-old daughter. The father then punched the molester in the head repeatedly until he died. The incident has inspired mountains of media speculation (and applause from… » 6/12/12 3:00pm 6/12/12 3:00pm

Model Shows Off Macy's Dress; Heads Sold Separately

Today we're tipping our hat to Macy's for reminding us of that scary children's story about the girl whose head was held on with a green ribbon. Here we have a model whose head is attached to her body with nothing but a jaunty mismatched scarf! Even if she had her original head, the sight of her flailing her wristless… » 6/27/11 11:45am 6/27/11 11:45am

The Under-Bed Burglar, 1909

"But, horrors! In the morning she discovered that the scratching must have been caused by a naughty man who...had hidden under the bed until the family were all wrapped in the arms of Morpheus." [StarTribune] » 5/19/09 1:20pm 5/19/09 1:20pm

Remember Maria Lauterbach, the pregnant Marine who was murdered and incinerated by her baby's father? Well the story of deceased Spc. Megan Lynn Touma, 23, is sounding eerily reminiscent of the Lauterbach tragedy. She was seven months pregnant, and was identified yesterday, though her body was discovered on Sunday at… » 6/25/08 10:45am 6/25/08 10:45am

Marine Cesar Armando Laurean, the suspect accused of killing pregnant fellow Marine Maria Lauterbach, has been apprehended after more than three months on the run. Lauterbach went missing just before Christmas. In early January, her body and that of her fetus were found burnt in a makeshift grave in the backyard of… » 4/11/08 9:45am 4/11/08 9:45am

What is this, a new trend? Gil Magira, an Israel-born baker, is on trial today for putting abortion-inducing pills into his wife, Anat Abraham's breakfast in November 2006. According to the BBC, Magira, a London resident, crushed up the tablets and put them into Abraham's yogurt, in her cereal, and in a sandwich.… » 2/29/08 2:40pm 2/29/08 2:40pm

Girlfriend-Killer Bobby Cutts' Tears Convince No One

Remember Bobby Cutts? The cop who killed his pregnant girlfriend, Jessie Davis? Well his trial is going on right now, and his boneheaded defense team is having Cutts plead not guilty — and then allowing Cutts to testify saying that he did, in fact, murder Davis. It makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever. On CNN… » 2/11/08 5:00pm 2/11/08 5:00pm

"Ms. Lauterbach is dead, and has been buried here in Onslow County. The suspect in the case is the marine accused by her for assaulting her." — Direct quote from the Onslow County sheriff on CNN, concerning Maria Lauterbach, the pregnant marine who has been missing since mid-December. A key witness came forward with… » 1/11/08 12:40pm 1/11/08 12:40pm