holidays - Jezebel

posts about #holidays more →
An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
Labor Pains
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Christmas Pageant Kids: Or, Who Gets To Be The Virgin?
The Twelve Days Of Douchebags
Saturday Night Nostalgia
Ultimate Terrible Gift Guide: Part 2
Tyra Audience Forced To Wear "Unemployed" T-Shirts During Holiday Show

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LittleDogLaughed
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
Dear Christmas,

Halloween is the last bastion of creepy kitsch. Only at Halloween will your average department store carry giggling, walking electronic brains, gangrene make-up kits and fake blood by the bucket full. Have you ever tried to find fake fangs off season? I'm just asking. Be grateful to me.

Americans love to celebrate their ids. Thanksgiving? Food id. St Patrick's Day? Alcohol id. Christmas? Commercialism id. But Halloween is the only holiday that celebrates creativity, and not just that, but the sinister-yet-corny impulses that lie in the hearts of all of us.

Some people are going to make it a holiday about sex, or alcohol, or convincing their boss that they give a damn about company culture. But some of us spend 364 days every damned year wishing we were wearing green face-paint and scaring the bejeebies out of little kids. Don't take that away from us.

Yours, &c,
Halloween #halloween
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Snowbunny
10/25/09

@LittleDogLaughed: Dear Halloween and Christmas (and Easter, also, Thanksgiving's pie),

No matter what anybody claims, you're simply vice-ridden holidays content on celebrating gluttony of processed sugars. The children who pee themselves in excitement over you end up peeing themselves in pain as their cavities are filled by greedy dentists who rush the job in order to get back to their boat.

You should be ashamed of yourselves and the diabetes you sow. ASHAMED.

What exactly do you expect me to do with porous, nasty little children's teeth? I will never finish my ivory city with all of you ruining my tiny little bricks.

Sincerely,

The Tooth Fairy #halloween
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tiredfairy
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
I had our pre-Halloween party last night. Watched Dawn of the Dead, Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3, Critters 2, and House 2. Made eyeball cupcakes.

My back porch looks like cemetery/horror lab. My living room has a pumpking with a steampunk hat and goggles on.

I'm pretty sure it's Halloween all year round at my house. #halloween
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JessIsElf-ity
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
Dearest Halloween,

I shall never turn on you. You will always be my favorite, even if I don't usually get presents. It's ok though, because I get to turn my frontyard into a graveyard and you are the one time during the year when I can wear shirts and hair bows featuring ghost and bats and not get odd looks. No matter how commercial you get, take solace in knowing that we true Halloween-lovers will always do it right and do it the best.

Love,
Elf-ity #halloween
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Dictator for Life
10/25/09

@JessIsElf-ity: You don't usually get presents? So sometimes you do? How can I finagle this? I always appreciate a good gift-giving holiday. #halloween
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JessIsElf-ity
10/26/09

@Dictator for Life: Well, usually my family just sends me the little Halloween village scenes- you know, the little ceramic-y decorative ones? People also give me things with bats on them because I collect those as well. My advice? Find something Halloween-related to collect, tell everyone, then sit back and wait!! #halloween
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Rooo sez BISH PLZ
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
They should have gotten Carol Kane to play Christmas Future, instead of Christmas Present, and had her read this. #halloween
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prettycool
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
Don't listen to them, lil 'ween. The most wonderful time of the year is obviously October. You got crisp cool weather, my birthday, and you! Where I get to eat candy, dress up, party on down with friends and watch scary movies.

Seriously, you rock. Don't change.

Love, PC #halloween
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allnighter
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
As an Angeleno, I already dread the coming of Halloween. The massive West Hollywood Halloween celebration, to which more than a million revelers journey, is a total nightmare. The festivities are one of those terrible/fun things that you can't miss, even when you don't want to go.

I miss trick-or-treating! Does anyone have a toddler I can borrow for the night? #halloween
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NewsBunny
10/25/09

@allnighter: My 'hood in Queens hosts the annual CHILDREN'S Halloween Parade. All kids. It's massive, and it's a hoot and a half.

It should be for kids! #halloween
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NewsBunny
10/25/09

@allnighter: My 'hood in Queens hosts the annual CHILDREN'S Halloween Parade. All kids. It's massive, and it's a hoot and a half.

It should be for kids! #halloween
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veronykah
10/25/09

@allnighter: And this is my 3rd year in LA and I have yet to make it to the WeHo festivities despite wanting to go SO badly!
Working Halloween this year too...no parade for me.
The parade in NYC is one of my favorites! #halloween
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sangmo
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
Yes, I'm not impressed that people are beginning to "do" Halloween earlier and earlier. My neighbourhood is infested with bloody masks *this*weekend!

All I want to do is roll my eyes.

ps. I only give real fruits to the kids. NO candy :) #halloween
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happy macrophage
10/25/09

@sangmo: That sounds expensive! In my parents' neighbourhood, they give out candy to about 100 kids before they turn their lights off for the night. While the thought of 100 apples is mouth-watering to me, I don't think their pockets would appreciate it :) Kid-sized candy bars and chip bags are about all they can handle. #halloween
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sweet_communist
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
I just spent a couple hours at an upscale, outdoor shopping "town centre" surrounded by more dogs than I have ever seen – dogs in costumes, at that! Halloween will always be dear to me, for it means I get to witness a pair of long-haired dachshunds in banana costumes, a great Dane dressed as a delicate fairy, and a burly English bulldog dressed in a jailbird costume to match the little girl walking him. Long live Halloween! #halloween
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Dictator for Life
10/25/09

@sweet_communist: I saw a teeny-tiny dog wearing an actual Wonder Bread bag today. It took me a minute to realize that it wasn't a DIY raincoat, but a costume. Either way, though, it was the cutest thing! #halloween
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sweet_communist
10/26/09

@Dictator for Life: I hope they didn't use an extension cord to tie on the bag: [achewood.com] #halloween
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badmutha
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
Personally, I find candy corn disgusting, and don't even let me get started on that gut wrenching, saliva and germ fest known as bobbing for apples. Trust. #halloween
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jenniferhill
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
Wow, thank you. That more or less is how I'm feeling this year... I'm already so sick of Halloween that I was sick of it in August. #halloween
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hortense
10/25/09

@jenniferhill: Me too, sadly. And I love Halloween. #halloween
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BearDownCBears
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
This year I'm giving out chocolate covered teas bags, fer 'MURRICA, dammit. #halloween
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DramaClub
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
I will never turn my back on you, Halloween. You have always been my favorite even since before my mom honored us both with a hand-sewn butterfly costume in the second grade that was so good it made Melissa Apodaca burst into jealous tears. You will be mine, always.

Love,
DramaClub
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hortense promoted this comment Edited by DramaClub at 10/25/09 4:41 PM DramaClub was starred DramaClub was unstarred

andBegorrah
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
If only they would set aside their differences and combine their powers to beat the shit out of Valentine's Day. #halloween
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badmutha
10/25/09

@andBegorrah: You wish! Everyone knows that there is a secret alliance between Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Valentine's Day, presided over by that evil force known as "Hallmark." Though Christmas has tried, it will never beat their combined strength, even with Halloween. #halloween
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Dodgergirl
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future

Jack doesn't know how to respond to this. (Also, that was freaking awesome, Hortense) #halloween
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anya629
10/25/09

In reply to An Open Letter To Halloween From The Ghost Of Christmas Future
Dear Halloween and Christmas,

You have over-expanded into markets that are too broad. Your strategy has focused too much on tacky gifts and drugstore decorations. Halloween, you especially really had a shot at competing with me, but you neglected to focus on what people enjoy buying and consuming most. Soon your festive bubbles will burst and people will remember the most important commercial aspect of holidays: SWEETS! Chocolate, baked goods, and all forms of sugar-coated goodness. Soon I will assume my long-deserved ranking as the most cherished (and profitable) holiday. You have been warned.

xoxo,
Sweetest Day #halloween
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Rooo sez BISH PLZ
10/25/09

@anya629: *rolls on floor* #halloween
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