De Blasio Adds Two Muslim Holy Days to NYC Public School Calendar

This is really cool! Today, Mayor Bill de Blasio is set to announce that New York City public schools in future will observe both Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha, recognizing Muslim holidays the way that Jewish and Christian holidays have been formally recognized for quite some time. » 3/04/15 6:50pm 3/04/15 6:50pm

New Year's Eve Is Awful and John Oliver Is Here to Help You Escape

My favorite part of aging has been the freedom to admit New Year's Eve is exhausting and instead of going out in sparkly high heels I'd rather watch New Year's Rockin' Eve from my couch, swilling Andre while wearing sweatpants. If you are similarly inclined but feel obliged to provide plausible excuses to your… » 12/29/14 10:00am 12/29/14 10:00am

A Lot of Kids Will Try Booze For the First Time This Month

The holiday season is that special time of the year when the scent of pine is in the air, generosity prevails and teenagers begin their slow descent into a recurring series of poor decision making fueled by alcohol, commonly known as adulthood. » 12/26/14 6:30pm 12/26/14 6:30pm

The Real Meaning Behind the Shitty Christmas Gifts You Didn't Ask For

I used to think that getting a crappy Christmas gift was a reflection on the bad judgment and lack of creativity of the giver of said gift. And, in some cases, it is—the plastic bag of anti-aging Avon cosmetics for a woman with a "medium to dark" complexion that my mean aunt gave me when I was a freckle-faced… » 12/26/14 3:30pm 12/26/14 3:30pm

These Jingling Holiday Man Thongs Will Melt Your Eyes into Figgy Pudding

It's one day before Christmas and all through the halls, something special is jingling...surprise, it's your balls! (Yes, that is the actual model in the photos.) » 12/24/14 8:00pm 12/24/14 8:00pm

Paula Deen's Christmas Promo Looks Like a Total Shitshow

This baffling promo for Paula Deen's version of Christmas will leave you wishing you lived on a distant planet where holidays had never been dreamed up in the first place. » 12/24/14 7:00pm 12/24/14 7:00pm

Soldier Returns Home for the Holidays, Freaks the Hell Out of His Mom

Oh my god, that poor mom! Her heart can't handle all that happiness. A grandchild and her son coming home for the holidays? HOW IS SHE GOING TO SURVIVE ALL THIS? » 12/23/14 11:30pm 12/23/14 11:30pm

How to Deal with a Racist Relative Over the Holidays

Do you have the misfortune of spending the holidays with one or more of your racist relatives? Are you not sure what to say when they unleash their casual, subtle or overt racism at the dinner table? If so, Franchesca Ramsey—creator of Shit White Girls Black Girls—has you covered with this thoroughly helpful… » 12/23/14 5:40pm 12/23/14 5:40pm

The Aggressively Terrible Life of the Real Simple Holiday Hostess

It's the holidays: time for women to be endlessly instructed in the fine art of entertaining. But, like witches, hostesses come in the categories of "good" and "bad." Lady Macbeth is a bad hostess. She and her husband plot to kill Duncan while he is staying with them. It's bad enough to murder a man while he sleeps,… » 12/23/14 5:00pm 12/23/14 5:00pm

How to Get Anything You Want for Christmas — Guaranteed!

Christmas is only a few days away, Hanukkah is almost over and you've only got a week until New Year's (if that's when you receive presents under your pillow) to get your shit together and make certain you're making the most out of the holiday season — receiving everything on your list. Think you're out of time? Think… » 12/23/14 3:20pm 12/23/14 3:20pm

Food, Drink, and Scented Candle Pairings For Your Worst Holiday Sads

Lies You Should Begin Telling Yourself Now

Christmas and New Year's are barreling down upon us, with the usual bombardment of schmaltzy feelgood feels, family togetherness, and big planz riding shotgun. Not everyone can hang. This season, psychologists suggest you talk yourself out of feeling bad, even if you feel really really bad. » 12/20/14 3:00pm 12/20/14 3:00pm

The Best/Worst Christmas Gift Ever

The holidays are a time for breaking bread with loved ones, spreading cheer and putting the Christ back in Christmas. It's also, most importantly, the time for PRESENTS and we want to hear about the best and worst gifts that you've ever been given. » 12/19/14 6:10pm 12/19/14 6:10pm

The Cast of Orange Is the New Black Wishes You Happy Holidays

You can practically feel the Internet powering down as we careen toward Christmas. So there's really no better time for the cast of Orange Is the New Black to release their very own take on "The 12 Days of Christmas," rewritten for Litchfield. (Via Decider.) Fuck it, let's go stare at some blinking (MULTICOLORED)… » 12/19/14 5:30pm 12/19/14 5:30pm

These Beer-Soaked Holiday Commercials Will Make You Cry Like a Baby

If you've not already wasted all of your capitalist tears on Apple's sentimental sob-fest of a commercial, worry not. Stella Artois has got you covered four times over. » 12/17/14 10:30pm 12/17/14 10:30pm

How to Drink All Night at the Holiday Party and Not Be That Guy

Listen, drinking all night is not healthy. But it's holiday party season, that perfect storm of open bar and all of your colleagues waiting to see who will be this year's obnoxious, puking, passed out and/or dead person at the party. Don't be that guy. » 12/12/14 5:21pm 12/12/14 5:21pm

First off, let's review the science of drunk. In order to survive…

Boob Twerking Girl Gets Into Holiday Spirit With Jingly New Video

Sara X — Mozart Boobs Twerk Girl and Jezebel contributor — is back with a new video. A delightful take on an old holiday chestnut that could only be improved with one thing. Boob twerking. Lots and lots of boob twerking. #This #Is #Art » 12/08/14 10:30pm 12/08/14 10:30pm

​Broad City's Abbi and Ilana Bring You Some Essential Holiday Party Tips

Abbi and Ilana are back to help you cope with the fact that Season 2 doesn't start until January 14 next year. Get ready. » 11/30/14 12:00pm 11/30/14 12:00pm