Happy National Ex-Spouse Day, You Broken, Detestable Loser 

If National Proposal Day didn’t make you feel like the piece of garbage that you are because no one’s marrying you, there’s another national holiday to remind you that we all die alone, especially if your marriage has failed, as divorce is the mark of your true and irreconcilable shortcomings as a human being. » 4/14/15 6:30pm 4/14/15 6:30pm

New Year's Eve Is Awful and John Oliver Is Here to Help You Escape

My favorite part of aging has been the freedom to admit New Year's Eve is exhausting and instead of going out in sparkly high heels I'd rather watch New Year's Rockin' Eve from my couch, swilling Andre while wearing sweatpants. If you are similarly inclined but feel obliged to provide plausible excuses to your… » 12/29/14 10:00am 12/29/14 10:00am

The Real Meaning Behind the Shitty Christmas Gifts You Didn't Ask For

I used to think that getting a crappy Christmas gift was a reflection on the bad judgment and lack of creativity of the giver of said gift. And, in some cases, it is—the plastic bag of anti-aging Avon cosmetics for a woman with a "medium to dark" complexion that my mean aunt gave me when I was a freckle-faced… » 12/26/14 3:30pm 12/26/14 3:30pm

How to Deal with a Racist Relative Over the Holidays

Do you have the misfortune of spending the holidays with one or more of your racist relatives? Are you not sure what to say when they unleash their casual, subtle or overt racism at the dinner table? If so, Franchesca Ramsey—creator of Shit White Girls Say...to Black Girls—has you covered with this thoroughly helpful… » 12/23/14 5:40pm 12/23/14 5:40pm

The Aggressively Terrible Life of the Real Simple Holiday Hostess

It's the holidays: time for women to be endlessly instructed in the fine art of entertaining. But, like witches, hostesses come in the categories of "good" and "bad." Lady Macbeth is a bad hostess. She and her husband plot to kill Duncan while he is staying with them. It's bad enough to murder a man while he sleeps,… » 12/23/14 5:00pm 12/23/14 5:00pm

How to Get Anything You Want for Christmas — Guaranteed!

Christmas is only a few days away, Hanukkah is almost over and you've only got a week until New Year's (if that's when you receive presents under your pillow) to get your shit together and make certain you're making the most out of the holiday season — receiving everything on your list. Think you're out of time? Think… » 12/23/14 3:20pm 12/23/14 3:20pm

The Cast of Orange Is the New Black Wishes You Happy Holidays

You can practically feel the Internet powering down as we careen toward Christmas. So there's really no better time for the cast of Orange Is the New Black to release their very own take on "The 12 Days of Christmas," rewritten for Litchfield. (Via Decider.) Fuck it, let's go stare at some blinking (MULTICOLORED)… » 12/19/14 5:30pm 12/19/14 5:30pm

How to Drink All Night at the Holiday Party and Not Be That Guy

Listen, drinking all night is not healthy. But it's holiday party season, that perfect storm of open bar and all of your colleagues waiting to see who will be this year's obnoxious, puking, passed out and/or dead person at the party. Don't be that guy. » 12/12/14 5:21pm 12/12/14 5:21pm

First off, let's review the science of drunk. In order to survive…