Every December, homes across America are riven by discord. Spouses square off. Children rise against their parents. Roommates glare at each other across the living room. Even the staff of Jezebel is divided.
It's the holiday season, which means it's time to light the menorah tree on fire, throw dreidels at the Kwanzaa cake, and very nicely ask Santa to bring you a nice new Jesus for Saturnalia. If you're in the UK, it means something else, too: the annual deluge of unhelpful holiday anti-rape ads.
In case you need a break from the constant negativity that has reached a fever pitch over Thanksgiving weekend, enjoy this video from Orange Is the New Black's Danielle Brooks and Uzo Aduba singing Christmas carols extremely well. And then check out Artists Striving to End Poverty, the organization that they did this…
You have may have noticed that there's something different in the air lately — the crisp scent of fall decay, a little cinnamon spice, and the odd sensation that your significant other suddenly despises the existence of your face. That's right, it's Breakup Season, that tenuous handful of weeks just up to the holidays…
The end of the year is always an expensive clusterfuck of expense, travel, and joyless obligations made more miserable by the fact that several major holidays occur within six weeks. But all of this pressure and stress could be resolved if we'd only do one thing: move Christmas to January 25th. Hear me out.
The holidays are the only one time of the year when you can drop all those no let me pay, no really, I got it this time pretensions with your nearest and dearest and get them a gift that truly says 'I'm glad I didn't believe to all that shitty gossip about you that I spread back in the eighth grade because you are…
It's Thanksgiving — which means it's time to be thankful for morons who attempt to fry their own turkeys. Here it is: The very best of the biggest Turkey Fryer Fails we found on the internet. Be safe!
This time Thursday you'll likely be sitting down with a heaping pile of food with some people you want to kill even though you have the same genes. But maybe you'll be sitting down with people you want to kill that you don't have the same genes as because they're your significant other's family. Despite that suffering, …
I wonder if Kermie is gonna have to take care of Lady Gaga or risk the wrath of the pig? Or maybe Miss Piggy just gave Gaga a hand-me-down? Either way, you know it was drama backstage.
Today, I took a break from gestating male heirs/ slaving over a hot stove/ piping down and letting the men talk to check this website called "Twitter," where a famous base-ball player named David Price had some great Thanksgiving travel tips for ladies: let your man drive! Especially in dangerous weather! Men, you see,…
Black Friday draweth closer and with it, the intensifying pressure to get a leg up on your holiday shopping. You know the routine: unload your wallets and stuff those stockings.
It's November 25 — exactly one month until Christmas, exactly one month to watch Elf on repeat — and even if you think the gift-giving season shouldn't officially start until the turkey dinner has been reduced to leftovers, it's already happening. Black Friday and Cyber Monday — why even wait for those? Everyone's got…
We're one step closer to the day when Thanksgiving seems but a quaint memory and/or fiction from a Norman Rockwell painting. CNBC reports that, with retailers moving Black Friday ever earlier, restaurants are also being roped into the Thursday-evening frenzy.
It's a holiday tradition as American as eating too much and falling asleep in a chair while inane football comedy blares loudly from the flatscreen — adults deciding that all kids should be just nuts for a Hot Holiday Toy, and then redirecting that hysteria into ruining Christmas. This year, however, a problem: there …
The New York Times has named the winter's hottest party wear trend: the LBJ ("little black jumpsuit" — not Lady Bird Johnson, unfortunately). After perusing the LBJ trend piece, the thinking woman has but one response: stylish, yes, but how do you pee?
I bet the pitch meeting on this commercial was hilarious. Like, someone was all, "Why don't we have a row of nut crackers crunch nuts to holiday tunes?" "'No! Why don't we imply that men have balls of steel that make beautiful music when they collide?" And then the boss — who was in his head and not listening to anyone — …
Sarah Palin, a human angry telephone call from an apoplectic aunt whose opinion you long ago stopped valuing, is BACK (I didn't realize that she'd gone away, otherwise I'd had spent more time cherishing my precious Palin-free days). The former Alaska governor and current Alaska embarrassment's recent media blitz has…
Oh man, I'll never forget the moment I got gay. December of '84 it was. I was just a regular garden variety heterosexual toddler, excited about this thing called "Christmas" I'd been hearing so much about in the six months I'd been able to understand human words. I knew it was going to be good. Maybe I'd get that Diaper …
Much has been made of Halloween's gradual transformation from a holiday that exists as a way to commemorate our ancient superstitions about ghosts into a holiday that exists as a way to get hepatitis from a sexy nurse costume that came in a clear plastic bag and cost $65. But quibbling over whether it's okay to go…
Inspired by the thread
Thanksgiving is for being with family, stuffing yourself full of turkey and cranberries, watching cartoon characters float in a parade, and maybe enjoying the broadcast of violent sports. But this year, you'll be able to start your Christmas shopping even earlier: Some stores will be open on the holiday.
We already know that ric-rac n' hot glue purveyor Hobby Lobby is totally not down with its female employees using birth control
In case you needed a reason to celebrate on this last Monday of August that wasn't Miley Cyrus making your most embarrassing moment look like Beyonce's Super Bowl halftime performance, today is National Women's Equality Day. Yay! Yay for being human just like a man!
As a middle child, can I just ask you all to please take a minute to acknowledge this holiday OK so sorry I won't bother you again.
I used to work at a popular women's magazine where I once pitched a guide to brides with dads who weren't dead but weren't around — I'd never seen anything like that before, and I figured there had to be a lot of women (myself among them) who were confused about the etiquette. Do you ask some 50-something dude you've…
Holiday origin stories are fun because of their Crazy Straw timelines. From a one-room school singing that Happy Birthday song that their teacher made up, through the twists and turns of history and economic recessions and cultural shifts, that finally ends at 50 Cent rapping about not giving a fuck if it's not your…
Great Mother's Day card? Or BEST Mother's Day card?
Jesus died for our sins — so we better make 'em worth it. There's no better way to honor the heavenly bodies rising (from the heavens?) than by binging on bulk bins filled with wax-chocolate bunnies the size of toddlers. GOD BLESS.
First: '"Hopped-Up", because Easter, bunnies, etc. — yeah? I know it's a bit of a stretch, but fuck it; let's all get hopping drunk on Easter by consuming large quantities of Peep-infused vodka.
