Hey, you haven't been foolish even to treat yourself to a nice stay at a fancy place like the Hilton recently, right? Well, you might be SOL!

• Though he has struggled with alcoholism in the past, sources claim that Mel Gibson was sober during his recorded rants aimed at his girlfriend, and that he has apparently been sober for quite some time. [TMZ]

Perez Hilton may face obscenity charges, but not for his practice of drawing cum-drops with Microsoft Paint. Rather, he could get in trouble for posting a hardcore clip featuring Chelsea Handler sidekick Chuy Bravo. [True/Slant]

• Early on Monday morning, Rihanna was celebrating the Saints' Super Bowl win at a Miami club with Kim Kardashian and Timbaland, when a partygoer chucked a champagne bottle at their table from the balcony above and almost hit her.

• This morning Lindsay Lohan posted an incoherent rant about Samantha Ronson on Twitter. She writes: "can you make an attempt to not ruin ANYTHI...zG positive that i have FINALLY deserved just to cry myself to sleep with your cheats, errors..."

We found a 2009 promotional calendar featuring celebrities and their dogs. The dogs spoke to us.

• Is Ashley Olsen getting married? The National Enquirer thinks so. It'll happen on the French Riviera next summer; she wants Karl Lagerfeld to make the dress and Annie Leibovitz to take the pix. Oh, the hubs-to-be is boyfriend Justin Bartha. [Daily Express]
• Ryan Reynolds ran the NYC marathon! His time? 3 hours and 50…

• A month after being diagnosed with breast cancer, Christina Applegate is now cancer-free. "I'm clear," she told Robin Roberts of Good Morning America earlier today. "Absolutely 100 percent clear and clean. It did not spread — they got everything out, so I'm definitely not going to die from breast cancer." She went on…

• John Mayer on his breakup with Jen Aniston: "There's no lying, there's no cheating, there's no nothing. Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met. People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste…

Last week, a guest who stayed in the Chicago Homewood Suites reported to us that Jezebel was blocked from her computer for being inappropriate content. We thought this was hilarious and called them up today. The front desk lady was delightful and kind.

• Because the continent of Africa is not enough, Bono has founded a nonprofit to ensure that our next president makes poverty a key item on his (or her!) agenda. Seriously, is there anything bigger than this guy's heart? Besides maybe his collection of "funky" sunglasses? [CNN]
  
• Female inmates in Florida reach out to…