Jezebel
crappy hour
Posts Tagged “
Hillary Clinton
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crappy hour
news roundup
Yeah, Your Day Wasn't Really That Bad After All
- The Sichuan earthquake has probably killed 9,000 people, and let 80 tons of toxic liquid ammonia out into the streets, but if I know you guys it's the panda stuff that is really going to get to you. [Wash Post]
- But — thanks investment banks! — it probably won't have that big an impact on the economy! [WSJ]
- Or Beijing's standing as the number one toilet metropolis. [Xinhua]
- Meanwhile in Burma the UN is projecting a death toll of 100,000, and Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon can't get junta leader Than Shwe on the phone so he actually just sent a letter, and the US is still trying to get them to accept aid at all...[Wash Post]
- Hillary is going to win the white vote by landslide margins in West Virginia because they're still coming to grips with the notion of the first Muslim president down there. [FT]
- Well it's about time Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson vowed lifelong commitment.[US Weekly]
news roundup
The World, Too, Is Bipolar
- Hillary Clinton won't wear Donna Karan anymore because it makes her look too well-dressed. Four words, Hillary: Nancy Pelosi is Speaker. [Times UK]
- Nader wants to to save half of your tax return and give him the other half so he can hopefully get McCain elected. Man, fuck that guy. [Boston Globe]
- It's okay, though, because oil is now $126 a barrel, a new record, so you'll just have to spend it on that anyway. [Washington Times]
crappy hour
Sometimes, Ignorance Is Bliss
Oh, Moe, what have you done to us? While you were (are?) sleeping the UN decided to halt aid to Burma because the junta just keeps taking it at gunpoint to sell it; Beirut has been at least partially taken over by Hezbollah; there's just too much smack to talk about Mark Penn to even begin to contemplate adding links and, frankly, I'm just a little sick of talking about the primaries. So the Windy's Attackerman and I, in all my morning Glamocratic splendor, take on things we probably should've ignored, like the primaries, Russian goosestepping, Spencer's favorite strip club in all of Canada and Arianna Huffington's secrets about John McCain. More »
news roundup
The "And You Thought Yesterday Was Bad" Edition
- After last night's fellatio-esque interview of John McCain, reporters ask Jon Stewart if he's a real journalist and if he should've tried harder to ask a real question. No, and yes. [Comedy Central, Time, Rolling Stone]
- No one really cares, though, because Hillary might not actually stay in the race until August. [NY Times]
- And there is one economist who agrees with her gas tax plan, but only because this example of blatant electoral pandering is the method of blatant electoral pandering likely to do the least harm of all the harmful ways to blatantly pander to the electorate. [NY Times]
- Oh, and some New York Congressman got his mistress pregnant three years ago and has a secret love child and is a drunk driver. Even married Republicans lose when it comes to abstinence-only education. [NY Times]
crappy hour
Who Would God Vote For? Probably the Fascists!
Not that I ever smoked, but I guess I'd start, too, if my house looked like that. But there are disasters all over the place today, from Hillary's wonderful comments on race to the innocent guy we held in Gitmo who decided that the terrorists were right about us to the Myanmar cyclone pictured. It's disaster day on Crappy Hour, as Moe takes a much-needed break and I take a moment away from Glamocracy to talk Texas, Hillary, terrorists, fascists and God with the Washington Independent's Attackerman, Spencer Ackerman. More »
news roundup
The Oh, Hell No Afternoon
- New York City police arrested Al Sharpton, Sean Bell's fiancée, Nicole Paultre Bell, and hundreds of other protesters today for staging prayer sessions at the exits of Manhattan in protest over the acquittal of the cops that shot Mr. Bell. Because, obviously, inconveniencing others to protest the loss of life means you should spend time at Rikers. Why did they have to make me like Al Sharpton? [NY Times]
- Hillary's staying in the race despite the hellishly long odds, hoping that Barack will fuck it up and she can convince the superdelegates to anoint her the candidate. [NY Times]
- To that end, she had an unannounced meeting in Washington with many of them behind closed doors. There's nothing sketchy-looking about that to the average voter though. [The Atlantic]
crappy hour
Hillary Wins Another Primary!
Done and done and done and yup, even the Wall Street Journal thinks done. Hillary officially halted her frenzied schedule of telling the cable newsiverse how Good she feels and what a Good Time she's having and how Good it feels to be taking policy advice from Joe Sixpack etc. etc. And how did Obama do it? And how did Peggy Noonan know?? We'd rather talk about Burma and Putin Jr. and the insane San Diego fraternity coke bust, but Megan and I will try to talk "delegate math" and the surreal CNN comment that gave us both inexplicable sex dreams after the jump. More »
the end has no end
Looking Good, Elite!
Huh!? Despite supposedly massive turnout from Dittoheads, Barack Obama does not appear to be losing by huge margins (any more) in Indiana. Maybe Chris Hitchens didn't try hard enough to expose Obama's wife as the second coming of Angela Davis! Karl Rove is on Fox, crediting positive economic newsflow for Obama's win. (Because you would never vote for the candidate actually known for listening to economists unless you had evidence that the American economy was performing well without following a single piece of advice economists had ever given it!) Anyway, Hillary's campaign is looking imperiled. Mark Abinder thinks it's the new Great Schism! (Not to be confused with the New Decameron.) Barry is winning by a fourteen-point margin with everything but the racist vote favoring him. More »
news roundup
Oh Yay! Another Win-Win Situation!
- "It was tough. I showered twice, I threw up a little bit in my mouth, but I did it." [Boston Globe]
- "I'll probably go in there and flip a coin." [Wash Post]
- What a surprise! Voters are primarily worried about the economy. [Yahoo! News]
- Obama won North Carolina, but everyone knew that would happen! [Wonkette]
- Clinton (probably) won Indiana, but everyone knew that would happen too! [WSJ]
- Clinton probably won Indiana because a lot of people in Indiana are really old. [MSNBC]
crappy hour
Barack Obama Doesn't Look Too Psyched About That Beer
Fifty thousand people are dead or close to it in Burma, and Barack Obama can state unequivocally that he does not drink designer beer. Seventy five percent of American adults will at some point be impoverished. The average American car owner really must save $30 this summer. Chris Hitchens believes Barack Obama may be pussy-whipped. Ellen Page believes Burmese dictator Than Shwe is a modern Hitler. And when tomorrow comes, Terry McAuliffe believes everyone will be saying that Hillary Clinton did better than they thought she was going to do in both the North Carolina and Indiana primaries tonight. Now there's a statement Glamocracy Megan and I can get behind! After the jump, an unusually hip-hop laden edition of Crappy Hour. More »
news roundup
Laura Bush Talks Myanmar, Marriage
- Laura Bush gave a speech about Burma a.k.a. Myanmar and disaster preparedness and Jenna's wedding. Her lipstick was very well-applied. More than 10,000 people may die as a result of the cyclone. Harry built a limestone altar in Texas especially for the wedding. It will be "permanent" in contrast to many of the structures in Myanmar, where limestone and most other things are in short supply. The ruling junta is holding a referendum this weekend to solidify its control of their dirt- poor, isolated disaster zone and I guess this means they win. Governments that are more efficient when it comes to killing citizens than warning about floods always win in the short term. And also the medium term. [Huffington Post]
- Hey, speaking of nuptials/Third World personalities! Mariane Pearl might be Angelina Jolie's maid of honor. [Times Of India]
- The primary was so ugly, John and Cindy McCain couldn't bring themselves to vote for a candidate in 2000. [Huffington Post]
- Kind of similar situation with John and Elizabeth Edwards and Hillary and Obama. [TPM]
politispawn
Is Chelsea Clinton Too Much Of A "Reg" To Help Her Mom's Campaign?
A column in yesterday's Washington Post advances the critique the media has been trying to articulate ever since she refused to give an interview to that nine-year-old reporter, which is to say: Chelsea Clinton, despite having visited 119 college campuses in 37 states and flown 73,000 miles on behalf of her mom's bid for the presidency, is not really doing much because she is boring and bland and does not seem at all like someone you'd want to drink with. I generally find this true; while Meghan McCain talks about how she didn't vote for Jenna Bush's dad and Jenna Bush talks about how she's probably not voting for Meghan's dad, the most interesting thing I can say for Chelsea is that she donned this ridiculous getup last weekend and attended the Kentucky Derby, where a bunch of horses died. Essentially, Chelsea Clinton is a "reg" and that's the problem with her. More »
crappy hour
Future VP Bobby Jindal's College Girlfriend Possessed By Satan? Or Just Horny?
Meet Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal! He's the frontrunner to be the running mate to the presidential candidate closest to death, so it will surely please you to know that, in his brief 36-year life, he has endured many difficult things, including the presence of SATAN HIMSELF. Well, it was either Satan, or a melodramatic college junior whose desire to fuck him made him worry he was gay or something. But we're going to go with Satan, since he's running for vice president, and what better proof that the Devil Remains At Large than the current holder of the vice presidency? That said Bobby's story, written about an episode that took place while he was a rather Jesus-y undergrad at Brown University, sounds a little too much like an emotionally unavailable twentysomething dude's account of a relationship with girl with "drama" to be quite convincing.Watch Glamocracy Megan and I parse Bobby Jindal's satanic verses — and the gas tax holiday bullshit! — after the jump. Seriously, it is so much awesomer than Kucinich with the UFO. More »
Did Hillary Clinton adviser Mickey Cantor slur the average Indiana voter as a "worthless white n-gger" while cameras were rolling? He says he did not. The director of the movie War Room, from which this new viral video is clipped, says he did not. This seems like a hoax perpetuated by the type of people who run Encyclopedia Dramatica, but I'll embed the video after the jump so you can decide for yourselves. Bonus discussion question: has it become acceptable to use the word "wigger"? I keep hearing it and feeling deeply conflicted, which is weird for me. [Wonkette]
crappy hour
Good Morning, Voters! I'm Calling On Behalf Of "Women Voices." If You Are Confused, My Mission Is Accomplished!
In which we adopt the persona of Women's Voices. Women Vote robocaller and misinformation chief Lamont Williams, if he only had a voice.
Yo voters, this is Lamont, calling because you need to register to vote. Oh really? You already registered? But did you ever receive the packet? Did you send in the detailed form? Because we explicitly stated on every packet that you were required to send in the form. All right, to be sure, you are not required to send in the form to vote, per se, but to be registered. And you need to register! To vote. Women's Voices, Women Vote has even kindly provided me with some dates and deadlines, although they are mostly, to be honest with you sisters, completely arbitrary and false and I suspect only generated to elicit the sort of mass confusion popularized by Karl Rove, but I'm a cynic. Five years after Bush said so, I also don't believe, ladies, that the Mission was actually Accomplished, or that Saddam Hussein orchestrated September 11, or that Guantanamo is really such a decent place to retire. And as far as I know, Barack Obama isn't Muslim and the United States did not invent AIDS, but maybe I am paying too much attention to these two winos named Moe and Megan... More »
news roundup
Let's Be Honest Barry; He Kept On Playing Games And The Loving Was Not The Same
- Barack Obama rejected/denounced his old friend Jeremiah Wright on television today on the advice of certain wise commenters and also prominent columnists and locking in a critical majority of my family members. Watching it was less fun than watching him shake the dirt off his shoulder but as Jigga would say "so necessary." [Wonkette]
- So the question remains: why the fuck did Jeremiah Wright give all those damaging, yammering unyielding undermining speeches? Newt Gingrich thinks he's just jealous. [ABC News]
- Though maybe he was just testing God? [Chicago Tribune]
- And Barack Obama finally de-friended him...only after consulting some cynical pollsters? Take it from a Republican. [JohnLocke.org]
- An African-American studies professor from a long line of Mormons wishes Mitt Romney was around so everyone else could be reminded how tame black liberation theology is next to some of the fun ideas Joseph Smith had. [TheRoot]
rag trade
Donatella Versace Expresses Love For Fellow Blondes
- Donatella Versace loves Hillary Clinton but thinks she should dress more like Donatella Versace if she wants to nab the presidency. [Vogue UK]
- But forget politics — where are we, Washington D.C.? — Donatella would much rather meet Martha Stewart. [Fashion Week Daily]
- This week on Ugly Betty, recently fired ELLE fashion director Nina Garcia will appearing alongside Project Runway winner Christian Siriano. But in the season finale, ELLE's Nina-ousters Robbie Myers and Joe Zee will be appearing on the show, in a storyline featuring a softball game. Needless to say, this would seem to indicate a rapproachment on the level with Nixon meeting Mao, except when you remember that the common goal is not being on TV. [WWD, 3rd item]
- How the fuck did Heidi Montag's clothing line outsell Victoria Beckham's at Kitson's? [TMZ]
