Betty Bromage, age 88, is now the oldest female wing-walker in the UK, reports the BBC.

Sorry to begin this with a shameless brag, but I’m a great flyer. I’m polite to the flight attendants, respectful of overhead bin space, drink just enough to make me sleepy, and never recline my seat. But even though I’d like to think all airline staffers would gladly give me an five-star rating (if they were allowed…

A senior citizen from Amherst, MA, recently had her beloved weed plant—which she’d been growing in her backyard among her raspberry bushes for years—seized by the Massachusetts National Guard.

A nail salon owner in Manhattan responded to a robbery attempt by pushing the robber, shoving his gun down his pants, and chasing him out the door and down the street. “I wasn’t scared,” Annie Sheng told WABC 7, chuckling.

If you think you’re a survivor, meet Ann Rodgers, the 72-year-old who lasted over a week in the Arizona desert subsisting solely on plants and pond water.

I’m not going to lie, the month of March has not been good to my Woke Bae endeavor. There were plenty of Baes but they be sleep. However, like the menstruation mensch of my dreams, our Male Tampon Ally has appeared like a uterus-loving messiah and he is woke as hell, y’all.

Described as “the Eloise from hell,” Fannie Lowenstein made the Plaza Hotel her playground. She was apparently such a terror that even Donald Trump placated her by giving in to the demand that he meet with her privately, after buying the hotel in 1987.

Before you watch, you should know that Colorado convenience store clerk Rebecca Montano did save the baby. The baby is okay. It’s still a very awkward and scary video.

Contact the author at jia@jezebel.com.

The nicest thing I remember doing for my dad when I was 19 was buying him a new set of grilling utensils. He loved that set, and used it to cook delicious meals for years. Wait—come to think of it, someone else gave him those. I guess I don’t remember the nicest thing I did for my dad when I was 19, because the nicest…

The identity of the woman who perfectly expressed a sane person’s reaction to being at a Donald Trump rally by whipping out a book and refusing to put it down has been revealed. Twenty-three year-old Johari Osayi Idusuyi is the woman behind the head flip heard ‘round the nation.

Marie Wilcox, an octogenarian Native American woman from the San Joaquin Valley in California, was born on Thanksgiving in 1933; she grew up in a one-room house with the grandmother who delivered her and spoke her native Wukchumni, and I believe this video will assure you—Marie is better than you or I will ever be.

The closest thing we have to Bartleby the Scrivener in the year 2015 is Ronald Dillon, a NYC Health Department employee who works for the agency’s IT help desk and literally won’t stop talking like a robot.

The BBC picked up this truly adorable story out of Chieti, in central Italy: a nonagenarian named Nicola Torello has just finished middle school with excellent grades.

The kids are all right, specifically this one: Anson Lemmer, age 19, home for the summer in Glenwood Springs, Colorado, was on his second day working at a local joint called Uncle Pizza when he found himself saving a life.

Did you know that Taylor Swift hands out light-up bracelets that synchronize to her music at all of her concerts? Does the idea sound dumb to you? Well, how dumb are they now that you know that they SAVE teens’ lives??? That’s right! Not dumb at all!