Awesomely Weird Herman Cain Ad Warns Americans They'll Get Pecked to…

Former Presidential Candidate and alleged serial ladygrabber Herman Cain's been on a bit of a media blitz lately. First, he appeared on Fox News to inform viewers that men like Mitt Romney because they're more informed about policy than "other people" (psst: women!). Now, a TV commercial that uses the bizarre imagery of … » 4/12/12 11:40am 4/12/12 11:40am

Men Like Mitt Romney Because They're Better Informed Than 'Other People,' …

Former Presidential candidate and alleged serial grabber of 'other people' Herman Cain has a theory about why presumed GOP nominee Mitt Romney is much more popular with men than he is with women. Men, you see, support Mitt Romney over Barack Obama because they are more informed about policy than, uh, some other… » 4/10/12 9:45pm 4/10/12 9:45pm

Here are Those Republican Candidate Action Figures No One Asked For

Now that a toy manufacturer has unleashed upon the world action figure versions of the Republican Presidential candidates, gay, politically aware little boys with conservative parents who won't let them play with Barbies can finally stage the Action Figure Rick Santorum/Action Figure Newt Gingrich Makeout Party of… » 2/28/12 2:00pm 2/28/12 2:00pm

Mitt Romney, Weirdo, Has Silky Skin, Reasonable Views

Every week, it seems we learn something new and weird about Mitt Romney. He's got lingering beef with Eliza Dushku's mom. He's got like 27 houses. His sons are unsettlingly hot, in a steaming white bread out of the oven kind of way. He's protested against the protesters of the Vietnam War when he was in college. And… » 1/09/12 5:00pm 1/09/12 5:00pm

Herman Cain & Wife Share Heartwarming Christmas Message

Have you had trouble getting into the holiday spirit this year? Perhaps this yuletide message from former presidential candidate and probable sleazeball Herman Cain will put you in the mood. Don't forget that this is the time of year to sing weirdly patriotic Christmas tunes, read aloud from the Bible to your… » 12/15/11 10:13pm 12/15/11 10:13pm

Republicans Worried Women Won't Vote For Assholes

With the once overcrowded field full of potential Republican Presidential candidates growing more sparse and morally tarnished by the day, some strategists are worried that women might hesitate to vote for whichever of the remaining jagoffs the GOP nominates. And because women vote in larger numbers than men and they… » 12/02/11 11:10am 12/02/11 11:10am

Herman Cain's Rich, His Accusers Are Poor. Does it Matter?

Sharon Bialek, the first woman to publicly accuse Herman Cain of sexual impropriety, was served eviction papers yesterday. Cain supporters are crowing that this is yet another testament to her lack of credibility, as someone desperate for money would be willing to falsely smear a man in power in hopes that her payday… » 12/01/11 5:45pm 12/01/11 5:45pm

Herman Cain's Mistress Is The Most Boring Mistress Ever

Herman Cain's alleged mistress Ginger White took to Good Morning America this morning, where George Stephanopoulos tried to ask her a bunch of gotcha questions and White responded by successfully avoiding saying one interesting thing. How is it that she's so boring? Her name's Ginger! She was flown all around the… » 11/30/11 11:10am 11/30/11 11:10am

Was Herman Cain's Candidacy Just One Big Book Commercial?

In light of allegations that he carried on a 13 year long extramarital affair, non-joke Presidential candidate Herman Cain has told his top aides that he's "reassessing" his campaign's future. And, given the dramatic downturn in number of copies of This is Herman Cain!: My Journey to the White House flying off the… » 11/29/11 5:25pm 11/29/11 5:25pm

Georgia Woman Finally Accuses Herman Cain Of The Affair He's Denying

Earlier today Herman Cain issued a preemtive denial, saying that a woman he thought was his friend was going to falsely accuse him of having an affair with her. Now we know what the hell he was talking about. Ginger White, an Atlanta businesswoman, says she's carried on a sexual relationship with with Herman Cain for… » 11/28/11 10:20pm 11/28/11 10:20pm

Herman Cain Accuses Woman of Accusing Him of Having An Affair

In a crazy like a fox bit of public relations juking, Presidential candidate and meaty pizza enjoyer Herman Cain announced live on CNN that he's about to be accused of having an extended affair with a woman who he thought was his friend. Isn't that sort of like breaking a vase in front of your sister and then running… » 11/28/11 5:40pm 11/28/11 5:40pm

Today in Political Nincompoopery: Xenophobia And Eiffelphilia

Everyone in the Republican Presidential field has said so many dumb things by this point in the campaign that it now appears that divorce expert and seasoned condescentionist Newt Gingrich might have a fighting chance to win the nomination. One candidate apologized for taking a sip of beer during his wayward teen… » 11/22/11 11:40am 11/22/11 11:40am

Herman Cain's Non-Victims Come Forward In Parody PSA

Sure, Herman Cain has been dogged by allegations of sexual harassment, but this year he's urging Santa, and the American public, to think of all the ladies that he hasn't kissed. Some of the millions of women Cain definitely didn't harass have bravely come forward in this commercial for Funny or Die. As they point out, … » 11/21/11 11:56pm 11/21/11 11:56pm