New Croc Monstrosities Are Coming Because Crocs Will Never Go Away

Crocs, Inc., the company responsible for those ugly porous foot holders for shoe-resistant people, has been floundering lately. Things have changed a lot since 2007, when the world populace lined up to place their appendages into lightweight clogs — but now, as Crocs, Inc. wheezes helplessly, a charitable figure has… » 12/31/13 12:20pm 12/31/13 12:20pm

Heartbreak City: Blind Man and Dog Who Saved Him Might Be Separated…

Yesterday morning, 61-year-old blind man Cecil Williams fainted and fell into the tracks at a Harlem subway station. His guide dog Orlando acted quickly, barking to alert others about Williams' fall and then hopping down to try and help him. Unfortunately, a train came quickly and Williams had to hold Orlando closely… » 12/18/13 12:00am 12/18/13 12:00am

I Read the Bachelorette Winner's Book of 'Poetry' So You Don't Have To

» 8/30/13 12:30pm 8/30/13 12:30pm

The Bachelorette is a television show in which they lock a rag-tag band of mostly white hotties in a house and force them to compete over the heart of a woman. To do so, the captive hotties utilize muscles, tongue-kissing, and generic combinations of the phrases "looking for a real relationship," "family really matters… » 8/30/13 12:30pm 8/30/13 12:30pm

So, You’re That One Friend Who's Still Trying To Quit Smoking. Me Too.

The amazing thing about nicotine addiction: It's an addiction! Like, you feel like you can't stop no matter how much you want to! The second amazing thing about nicotine addiction: People who have never been addicted to cigarettes (or smoked significantly less than you before they quit) cannot fundamentally understand… » 6/08/13 2:00pm 6/08/13 2:00pm

How Are You Dealing With Your Election Hangover?

Happy day after the election, fellow patriots! Remember last night with all the carefree celebratory boozing and partying in the streets until all hours? I bet your heads feel super clear, really great, and not at all like an evil tiny person is trying to claw her way out of your brain via your eyeballs. Yay, me too!… » 11/07/12 9:30am 11/07/12 9:30am

How To Stay Cool and Calm When Your Power Goes Out

Thanks to either global climate change or an angry Satan turning up the thermostat in Hell, it's been hotter than a leather corseted scrotum outside in most of the country. And as everything gets intolerably hot, people are retreating to their enclosed indoor spaces and cranked up the air conditioning. This uses a lot… » 7/09/12 5:50pm 7/09/12 5:50pm

Your Phone Is Making You Into a Terrible Person


Anyone who spends any time in public knows that there are any number of ways a cell phone can turn a person into an asshole, but now science has discovered yet another way that phones are ruining us and destroying our social fabric. It turns out, according to a study from the University of Maryland's Robert H. Smith… » 2/21/12 10:00am 2/21/12 10:00am

You've Seen Our Brain On Drugs. This Is Our Brain On What Could Be…

Whenever we see something like this bra picture while in the midst of a hangover this colossal, we go mildly crazy for not having the neuron activity to muster anything beyond an OMFG!!! Well, Glamour's Edgy English Teacher had our kind of night: Food you'd only ever eat drunk, live music, texts from exes reading "I… » 7/13/07 2:21pm 7/13/07 2:21pm