Back to the Future II Was Set in 2015. But Can Anyone Shut Up About It

"Where's my hoverboard," am I right, guys? One thing that Back to the Future II definitely got wrong about 2015 is how many miniature turds of internet content we would poop out about it, resulting in an expanded space-time #ContentUniverse in which the comparison of the actual 2015 present with a fictional 2015… » 1/02/15 11:50am 1/02/15 11:50am

This Week in Tabloids: Is Lionel Richie Khloe Kardashian's Real Father?

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which you and I take our mortal clay to the Lord's pottery wheel and gently shape a glittery turd to pass back and forth between our butts forever. This week, Ariana Grande refuses to shower after the gym; Lionel Richie created Khloe Kardashian out of his very own sperm-buddies;… » 10/15/14 4:10pm 10/15/14 4:10pm

The Holderness Family's Viral Rap Videos Must Be Stopped

There is an epidemic which has reached critical mass, and we must mobilize all resources to put an end to it: It is the practice of making a "rap video" about the parenting experience, and then sharing that video with others, often with exclamatory glee, to the point that it goes "viral." Shudder. » 9/03/14 11:20am 9/03/14 11:20am

New Croc Monstrosities Are Coming Because Crocs Will Never Go Away

Crocs, Inc., the company responsible for those ugly porous foot holders for shoe-resistant people, has been floundering lately. Things have changed a lot since 2007, when the world populace lined up to place their appendages into lightweight clogs — but now, as Crocs, Inc. wheezes helplessly, a charitable figure has… » 12/31/13 12:20pm 12/31/13 12:20pm

Heartbreak City: Blind Man and Dog Who Saved Him Might Be Separated…

Yesterday morning, 61-year-old blind man Cecil Williams fainted and fell into the tracks at a Harlem subway station. His guide dog Orlando acted quickly, barking to alert others about Williams' fall and then hopping down to try and help him. Unfortunately, a train came quickly and Williams had to hold Orlando closely… » 12/18/13 12:00am 12/18/13 12:00am

What's With All the Dick Stories This Week?

Is there something in the (dick) air? Should we give dick a chance? Are we being reminded to be thankful for dick? Because everywhere I looked lately I feel I am getting pounded by penises. It was like the Internet equivalent of that notebook in Superbad with all the dicks drawn on it. It's like I cranked up the… » 11/28/13 4:30pm 11/28/13 4:30pm

I Read the Bachelorette Winner's Book of 'Poetry' So You Don't Have To

The Bachelorette is a television show in which they lock a rag-tag band of mostly white hotties in a house and force them to compete over the heart of a woman. To do so, the captive hotties utilize muscles, tongue-kissing, and generic combinations of the phrases "looking for a real relationship," "family really… » 8/30/13 12:30pm 8/30/13 12:30pm

So, You’re That One Friend Who's Still Trying To Quit Smoking. Me Too.

The amazing thing about nicotine addiction: It's an addiction! Like, you feel like you can't stop no matter how much you want to! The second amazing thing about nicotine addiction: People who have never been addicted to cigarettes (or smoked significantly less than you before they quit) cannot fundamentally understand… » 6/08/13 2:00pm 6/08/13 2:00pm

How Are You Dealing With Your Election Hangover?

Happy day after the election, fellow patriots! Remember last night with all the carefree celebratory boozing and partying in the streets until all hours? I bet your heads feel super clear, really great, and not at all like an evil tiny person is trying to claw her way out of your brain via your eyeballs. Yay, me too!… » 11/07/12 9:30am 11/07/12 9:30am

How To Stay Cool and Calm When Your Power Goes Out

Thanks to either global climate change or an angry Satan turning up the thermostat in Hell, it's been hotter than a leather corseted scrotum outside in most of the country. And as everything gets intolerably hot, people are retreating to their enclosed indoor spaces and cranked up the air conditioning. This uses a lot… » 7/09/12 5:50pm 7/09/12 5:50pm

Sorry! The Site Is Wonky Today Because I Have A Migraine

It's 93 degrees out, I don't have air conditioning, and I have a face-melting migraine. I apologize for the inconvenience. DO YOU HAVE TIPS FOR ME, GOOD WOMEN? FOR I FEAR THAT I AM DYING. » 6/30/12 2:30pm 6/30/12 2:30pm

Your Phone Is Making You Into a Terrible Person

Anyone who spends any time in public knows that there are any number of ways a cell phone can turn a person into an asshole, but now science has discovered yet another way that phones are ruining us and destroying our social fabric. It turns out, according to a study from the University of Maryland's Robert H. Smith… » 2/21/12 10:00am 2/21/12 10:00am

If You Need Help, Look For A Humble Person

A new study shows that humble people are more likely to offer help than more arrogant types are. So if you're in a tight spot, seek out people who don't toot their own horns. » 1/03/12 7:40pm 1/03/12 7:40pm

Women Who Want Attention

"She just wants attention" is a phrase I frequently hear. It's in regards to the girl who cut herself, and the girl who was on anti-depressants. Or the girl (this girl, actually) who had anxiety attacks, or the anorexic girl. » 6/25/10 7:00pm 6/25/10 7:00pm

A Little Help, Please?

A Friend Of Jezebel has a dilemma. He's a boy who dates boys and could use some advice. His "question" has three parts, which are after the jump. Thanks in advance! » 4/24/09 2:40pm 4/24/09 2:40pm

You've Seen Our Brain On Drugs. This Is Our Brain On What Could Be…

Whenever we see something like this bra picture while in the midst of a hangover this colossal, we go mildly crazy for not having the neuron activity to muster anything beyond an OMFG!!! Well, Glamour's Edgy English Teacher had our kind of night: Food you'd only ever eat drunk, live music, texts from exes reading "I… » 7/13/07 2:21pm 7/13/07 2:21pm