As promised, Fergie has released a new song entitled “MILF $”—pronounced “MILF money”—and as promised, I watched as the Lamb opened the first of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, “Come!”
Today while staring at my bargain-basement wall calendar of the majestic Rocky Mountains, I made a thrilling realization. In the summer of 2016, for the first time in over a decade, I am not invited to a single wedding. Not one. The weddings—they are finally over.
Look, motherfuckers. Hell is no laughing matter. It’s an actual place where the souls of people who do bad things are sent by God to their eternal damnation. And one of the damnedest things a soul can do, is make a joke about hell.
In an unlikely union of two of the most loathed subcultures in America, Rolling Stone reports on an afterhours networking group called Dead aHead, in which Wall Street Deadheads come together and unite in their mutual love for the Grateful Dead and...money, I guess.
The scenario earlier today at SeaWorld checks off many of the qualifications of torture: being trapped in a giant elevator suspended 200 feet in the air for two hours—while hearing nothing but “Winter Wonderland” as news ‘copters fly around capturing the horror.
Is it hot in here, or is it just hell?
There's a calm that comes with surrender. Like Joan of Arc on the stake or a particularly stoic French aristocrat approaching his own death at the guillotine, we the American people have made finally peace with our makers and are giving in to the slow torture that accompanies a trip to the airport.
A Harris Interactive poll commissioned by California online data-storage company Backblaze found that one in five Americans is genuinely concerned that the world will come to an end this Friday. We have to take the this with a huge grain of salt because it's in no way a real survey, but still: Damn.
A high school Valedictorian in Oklahoma says she uttered the word "hell" during her commencement address because she was taking inspiration from Twilight. But tipping one's hat to a poorly-written book saga about a boring whiner and the controlling undead sparkledick who loves her wasn't what got her in trouble — it…
We have mixed feelings on God in these parts, but it turns out "He" had one thing right: if you threaten to punish bad deeds with an eternity spent in fiery misery, people shape up really fast. Or so says a new study that found that countries where there is a strong belief in hell also have lower crime rates. Who…
The gig's up, homos — Republicans in Illinois are on to your bullshit. They know that all these pinko attempts to strengthen anti-bullying rules are all just part of the gay agenda, an attempt to actually keep the Christian kids down by stripping them of their god-given right to inform all the sissies and limp-wrists…
There is no pain quite like the pain that accompanies the dissolution of a live-in relationship. In a way, only when you find yourself arguing about HALF the cost of THE LARGE MEASURING CUP do you really understand it's over.
Last night as part of her Lovely Bones promotional duties, Susan Sarandon sat down with David Letterman, and was both hilarious and awesome.
As previously mentioned, my penance for leaving is to liveblog Rush Limbaugh. My ears might be sullied, my head might explode, and my liver might not survive! But I've created a fun new game to allow you play along.
