This Week in Tabloids: Gwyneth's Sexing a Married Producer from Glee

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Callie Beusman visits ye olde newsstande and buys the latest issues of Ok, In Touch, Life & Style, Star and Us so that together we may attempt to find love in a homeless place. This week: Kimye's marriage is fake; Jayoncé's marriage is fraught; Gwyneth's new boo is technically… » 8/06/14 4:00pm 8/06/14 4:00pm

Chris Martin Says He and Gwyneth Are Just 'Friends and Proud Parents'

It seems like Chris Martin and ex Gwyneth Paltrow have been spotted everywhere together lately—a mystery that, obviously, CANNOT BE BORNE WITHOUT EXPLANATION. Is there a reconciliation in the works? Was the breakup nothing but a publicity sham, scam, and/or flim-flam? Or is it possible that two adult humans who are… » 7/31/14 8:00pm 7/31/14 8:00pm

The Saddest Sentences From the Week in Celebrity Lifestyle Blogging

Normal People often bristle at the notion that celebrities, whose job requires them to have zero life skills, have suddenly discovered basic life skills, adopted them as hobbies, and feel qualified to teach the masses how to be better at doing the stuff they were already doing via a lifestyle blog. » 7/31/14 6:00pm 7/31/14 6:00pm

BREAKING: Chris Martin Has Stupid Thoughts On Vegetarianism

Chris Martin has been throwing a lot of shade GOOP's way since he and the mistress of the million dollar colon cleanse have gone their separate ways. First he let his kids go hog-wild at a fast food restaurant (many fries were lost that day) and now he's ended his vegetarian diet, telling a radio show that he'll eat… » 7/02/14 6:00pm 7/02/14 6:00pm

Everything I Fucked Up While Trying to Eat Like Gwyneth for a Week

If there's one thing I love, it's cheese-covered gluten. And if there are two things I love, they're cheese-covered gluten and making fun of lifestyle guru and noted Veela Gwyneth Paltrow. So when I came across a copy of Gwyneth's 2014 diet book It's All Good ("delicious, easy recipes that will make you look good and… » 6/27/14 2:10pm 6/27/14 2:10pm

Gwyneth Paltrow Believes that Water Has Consciousness and Energy

Yay!!! GoopTalk™! Brand new GoopTalk™! Nothing gets me through a dreary Wednesday afternoon grind like Our Lady of Goop talkin' about stuff. This week on the mind of Goop: Water has feelings and if it gets grumpy it turns to poison! (Goop. Quick Q. Are you sure you aren't thinking of snakes?) » 6/04/14 7:15pm 6/04/14 7:15pm

Why does Gwyneth Paltrow make me sympathize with internet haters?

With almost any celebrity, I could sympathize with the pain of hearing cruel things said by anonymous internet posters. But it's just different with Gwyneth. All bets are off. Maybe it's her pretentiousness, her entitlement and her utter cluelessness about how rarified her world is. Maybe the essence of Goop is… » 5/30/14 3:00pm 5/30/14 3:00pm

Kim and Kanye Are NOT Getting Married in Florence

Despite rampant rumors that the future Mr. And Mrs. West would be tying the knot in Florence, Italy (which is a beautiful place for a wedding, according to my mother who has never been), sources close to the happy couple reveal that the wedding will take place at Versailles after a week of lavish parties all around… » 5/17/14 11:30am 5/17/14 11:30am

Gwyneth Files Restraining Order After Creep Lies His Way into Her Home

Uuuuuugh, celebrity life is such a nightmare. All nightmares all the time. I mean, I know it's "worth it" because you get to use Richard Branson's outdoor shower and take unlimited naps probably and also you can use one of those gas station ATMs with the extra fee and not give a fuck. But UGH. Because creeps are… » 4/22/14 8:15pm 4/22/14 8:15pm

Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop Is Bleeding Money and $1.2 Million in Debt

How does Goop, the weekly lifestyle email/newsletter and brainchild of actress Gwyneth Paltrow, support itself? That question has been plaguing those who wanted the secret of how Paltrow has been able to spread her gospel to the people. Well, newly released documents indicate that Goop has had some very unprofitable… » 4/21/14 11:20am 4/21/14 11:20am

​The Golden Age of Goop Conspiracy Theories Is Upon Us

Did you know that Gwyneth Paltrow is actually the one personally feeding the gossip machine rumors of Chris Martin's infidelity? Or that Paltrow and an intimate group of lifestyle elite are actually plotting the downfall of all media publications? Or that High Priestess Gwyneth Paltrow's ascension into Consciously… » 4/09/14 4:00pm 4/09/14 4:00pm

Does Coldplay's New 'Magic' Video Show Signs of Conscious Uncoupling?

Chris Martin and his Coldplay gang released their new video for a song called "Magic" today, and it seems like perfect timing. With all of Martin and soon-to-be ex-wife Gwyneth Paltrow's conscious uncoupling and how celebrity divorce these days means taking a final beach vacation together — presumably to politely… » 4/07/14 4:30pm 4/07/14 4:30pm