The Worst Thing You've Ever Seen on an Airplane

That’s right, ya coozes! Pissing Contest is back! This week, we’re talking about the worst things that we’ve seen on airplanes and—considering how long it’s been since the last time we did this—I know that you’ve got a bladder full of great stories. Unleash the golden stream and we’ll highlight the best tales of… »7/24/15 8:00pm7/24/15 8:00pm

CDC Confirms That It's the Pee in the Pool That Makes Your Eyes Red

With swimsuit season finally here, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have decided to brighten your summer by releasing an important new report which confirms that yes, your gross red swimmer’s eyes are caused by the large amounts of pee in the pool and not by chlorine as previously thought. »6/24/15 3:15pm6/24/15 3:15pm

Reddit Crybabies Protest 'Nazi Cunt' CEO Who 'Censored' FatPeopleHate

Ellen Pao’s been interim CEO at Reddit for more than six months now, but just like any new gig at the sewage treatment plant, she’s still wading through a bunch of shit. Reddit announced yesterday that as part of a new harassment prevention policy, they’re banning five of the worst subreddits. Reddit users calmly… »6/11/15 5:00pm6/11/15 5:00pm

Read the Gross as Hell Sexts the Missouri House Speaker Sent Intern

Last month, Missouri Southern State University abruptly shut down its internship program at the Missouri State Capitol. The reason behind that move became clear yesterday, when the Kansas City Star revealed that (Republican, married, anti-gay) House Speaker John Diehl was sexting a college freshman intern. A story as… »5/14/15 10:10am5/14/15 10:10am

Study Says Men's Beards Are Gross and Filled With Poop

Ah, beards. You either love them or hate them. For those of us that are pro-beard, it’s easy to find kindred spirits through all the facial hair-dedicated Tumblrs, Instagrams and OKCupid profiles proclaiming an undying love for faces full of fuzz. Now the beard-haters will have something to throw back at us. A recent… »5/02/15 5:40pm5/02/15 5:40pm

Kid Blows Up Used Condom Thinking It's a Balloon, Has to Get Tested 

An eight-year-old kid in Colorado thought he found a balloon on his school’s playground and did what any kid would instinctively do: put it in his mouth to blow up and play with. The child’s newfound treasure ended up being a used condom, probably littered by a couple of careless, horny hoodlums who decided to bone… »4/22/15 11:30pm4/22/15 11:30pm

Woman Eats Period Blood, Gets Showered in Hot Fountain of Vomit

Happy Monday! If you're having a bad day, I've got just the thing to make it better: A chilling (well, very warm, actually) tale of a woman who swallowed her own blood clots while trying to perform fellatio upon her partner. And then he Roman showered her. How does that even happen? Let me paint you a picture. »12/08/14 5:30pm12/08/14 5:30pm

Hideous 'Border Patrol Sex' Series Pornifies Rape of Migrant Women

Good god: a vile new porn series called "Border Patrol Sex" features a fictionalized version of the rape and exploitation that many Mexican and Central American women experience while crossing the U.S.-Mexico border. Up to 80 percent of migrant women and girls are raped during their border crossing, by the traffickers… »12/05/14 11:30am12/05/14 11:30am

America Has Some Critical Questions About the Return of SURGE

Thanks to the endless wheedling of the Internet, SURGE, the disgusting beverage that fueled my high-school debate team's dumbest, most ridiculous antics, has been resurrected for sale exclusively on Amazon. And now a bunch of people are amusing themselves by posting absurd questions and even more ludicrous answers on… »10/20/14 3:20pm10/20/14 3:20pm