John Boehner Promises No Government Shutdown Over Planned Parenthood 

John Boehner, officially in the IDGAF phase of his career, said this morning that there will be no government shutdown at the end of the month. “I expect my Democratic colleagues want to keep the government open as much as I do,” Boehner said during an appearance on Face the Nation. “The Senate is expected to pass a… »9/27/15 2:00pm9/27/15 2:00pm


Watch Brian Williams Make a Deadpan Joke About Horny Politicians

During last year’s government shutdown, Washington D.C. politicians weren’t busy, but they were getting busy, if you know what I mean. Last night, NBC News anchor Brian Williams delivered a story correlating the uptick in DC births with the Congressional stalemate in fall 2013. Williams made fun of the political… »7/11/14 1:20pm7/11/14 1:20pm

The ridiculous, disheartening, and embarrassing government shutdown is basically dead, and Obamacare

The ridiculous, disheartening, and embarrassing government shutdown is basically dead, and Obamacare is alive. As we expected, the Senate just voted 81 to 18 to reopen the federal government and raise the nation's borrowing limit, hours before the Treasury Department faced the possibility of being unable to pay all of… »10/16/13 8:30pm10/16/13 8:30pm

The Incredibly Pointless Government Shutdown Is About to End

Despite the best efforts of Ted Cruz and Tea Party fun bunch, the government shutdown will likely end this evening. Leaders in the Senate will soon vote on a deal that, if passed and put on the desk of President Obama by midnight tonight, will both end the shutdown and raise the debt ceiling by its October 17th… »10/16/13 5:40pm10/16/13 5:40pm

Government Will Stay Closed For As Long As It Takes to Eradicate Sluts

Now that the government shutdown is in what feels like it elevendieth week, everything seems too stupid to be real, and here's a perfect example of why: the GOP's continued insistence that the United States government remain in stinky, stale deadlock until liberals agree to allow business owners to bar the sluts who… »10/15/13 7:20pm10/15/13 7:20pm

The Government Shutdown Is Endangering What We Eat

Thanks to the furlough, all routine inspections of domestic food production (except for meat and poultry products) have stopped — and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which is operating with a skeleton staff, was ill-equipped to deal with a recent salmonella outbreak that made hundreds of people sick… »10/10/13 11:50am10/10/13 11:50am

The Government Shutdown Is Crapping All Over Adorable Animals, Too

When measuring the true dimensions of the current GOP’s monstrousness, we can’t just consider how House Republicans’ tantrum-throwing government shutdown affects the human Americans standing in line at the passport agency, staring hopelessly into a faded travel poster for Jamaica. Who cares about people, really? … »10/05/13 1:30pm10/05/13 1:30pm

Bored Government Employees Posting Craigslist Ads for 'Shutdown Sex'

What do you do when you're a young public sector go-getter who suddenly finds herself bored, homebound, and sans paycheck thanks to the government shutdown? Something cheap, something stress relieving, something easy — why not post an ad to Craigslist's casual encounters section for "shutdown sex"? You certainly… »10/04/13 3:50pm10/04/13 3:50pm

Stephen Colbert Hosted a Wedding and It Was the Sweetest Thing Ever

One of the many drawbacks of the government shutdown is that couples with weddings scheduled at national parks and monuments now have to find new places to get hitched. Mike and MaiLien were one of these unfortunate couples, having planned their October wedding at the Jefferson Memorial, which also happens to be the… »10/04/13 11:30am10/04/13 11:30am

John Oliver: 'Congress Is the Time Warner Cable of Democracy'

Best rethink any glimmer of hope you might have had about Republicans in Congress and the Senate paying for the government shutdown come election season. As Daily Show correspondent John Oliver points out, Congress maintains a 90% incumbency rate despite only having a 10% approval rating. Basically, people loathe… »10/03/13 10:50am10/03/13 10:50am

Kids With Cancer Being Turned Away From Treatment--Thanks, Shutdown!

Conservatives can't seem to be able to get their story straight on the government shutdown — some are claiming it's No Big Deal, while others are wringing their hands and wailing that it's the Obamapocalypse and that soon we'll all be personally bludgeoned to a pulp by bureaucrats wielding death panels. Both groups… »10/02/13 4:30pm10/02/13 4:30pm