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Sad Marco Rubio, On the Way Out, Is Deeply Sonned by Former Friends

Marco Rubio, an adult baby thumb posing as a thirst trap for your mildly conservative cousins, does not appear to be long for the Republican presidential primaries—particularly as it’s predicted that Donald Trump will cream him Tuesday in his home state of Florida. Yet Rubio’s ex-friends still feel the need to kick…

All The Insults Donald Trump Has Tweeted About Ben Carson, Who's Now Endorsing Him 

On Friday morning, man perpetually waking up from a five-hour nap Ben Carson endorsed former rival Donald Trump. The endorsement took place at a Trump-owned country club in Florida. Heartwarming! And also, while we’re here, a very good time to look back on all the nice things Donald Trump has said about his newest…

Orange, Pants-Wetting 'Con Artist:' Ranking Marco Rubio's Insults of Donald Trump

We still have a full 252 days until the presidential election, and the Republican primaries don’t end until June. And yet this election cycle has already melted down to an impressively ridiculous degree, culminating with Marco Rubio blazing across the South trying to match Donald Trump insult for insult. This is a bad…

Someone Tell Pro-Life Champion Donald Trump He Already Missed the Anniversary of Roe v. Wade

One endearing thing about undead tangerine and presidential candidate Donald Trump is what a bad liar he is. Take his insistence that he’s now super anti-abortion, after years of being pro-choice: it just sounds like bullshit. Trump took to Facebook Tuesday night to insist again that he hates abortion and loves…

Carly Fiorina Swears to God, If You Keep Her Off That Fucking Debate Stage Again, So Help Her

After Tuesday night in New Hampshire, neither Carly Fiorina nor Ben Carson should be running for president anymore. Yet both of them still are, for some reason, and Fiorina is emphasizing how supremely pissed she’ll be if she’s not part of the next GOP debate. Let’s all sit back and wait for Carly to get supremely…

Has Jeb Bush Worn the Same Sweater Four Days in a Row? [Updated]

Jeb Bush has been making the rounds in New Hampshire this week, which is perfectly normal behavior for a man running for president. But the many tweets coming from Jeb’s camp this week have included more than just photos of Jeb’s stilted handshakes—they’ve also raised questions. Specifically: Why has Jeb Bush been…