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whynotshesaid
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
Good for her. I totally relate to everything she's saying, from the denial and self-deception to the shame and embarrassment. It is so hard to admit those things to yourself. I cannot imagine how hard it is to admit it in the glare of the national spotlight.

I appreciate that she is speaking out even after she went back to Chris Brown and left him again. If anything, maybe it will help people understand just how difficult it is to be involved in an abusive relationship, and how it can be difficult to leave for a myriad of reasons. It would be nice if we all behaved perfectly in accordance with our politics at all times, but the fact is, we don't, and it takes a brave person to be willing to own up when they fall short of the ideal. #rihannainterview
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JinxyMcDeath
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
I'm really impressed that she is speaking out about it, and that she is being so sincere and honest about what happened because it's probably the best way for her to be able to move on from this. I can't imagine how painful and embarassing it is for her, but it's obvious that she's doing this not for publicity or attention, but to help others...and that's very refreshing. #rihannainterview
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lisas
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
Well I take issue with the role model thing because she is not a parent or a teacher, she is a pop singer and so while she may have more power over others than she realized, she doesn't have as much as she is currently beating herself up over.

Maybe from afar I'm just trying to assuage her guilt because dammit it wasn't her fault. #rihannainterview
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HereComesMyBaby
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
It does seem like her guilt over being a "role model" is what actually got her out of the relationship, so at least it served that positive purpose. #rihannainterview
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nyc-caribbean-ragazza
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
Beautifully written Anna.

I think people sometimes forget how young Rihanna is.

As for Chris Brown, I feel like he still doesn't get it. That Larry King interview was bizarre. #rihannainterview
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Penny
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
"It's a big burden for her to shoulder."

Yeah, I recall many people sticking to their "she's a role model" guns, and it makes me sick to think of her guilt. No one should have judged her decisions. They were hers.

That said, I am glad she's speaking out honestly. That takes a lot of courage. #rihannainterview
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Penny
11/05/09

@Penny: Jumped the gun and didn't finish your piece, Anna. I totally, 110% agree with your last paragraph. #rihannainterview
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Ipomoea
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
I would like to add that preventing future abuse also falls to, you know, the future abuser. In the end, THEY are the one who raises a hand to the person they "love". #rihannainterview
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GiGiBird
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
This gave me chills. I was physically abused by my boyfriend and the shame that you feel when your friends say "but you're smart" is just awful. But you couldn't tell me anything, I swear, because I was strong and thought I could get through it. Thank God that was more than 12 years ago and I will never put up w/it again. #rihannainterview
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whynotshesaid
11/05/09

@GiGiBird: But you couldn't tell me anything, I swear, because I was strong and thought I could get through it.

Hi, are you me? I used to tell myself those exact things, that I stayed because I was strong enough to take it. What bullshit. I may have been strong enough, but it misses the point that no one should ever have to take it in the first place. #rihannainterview
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SomeAuthorGirl
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
When she talked about "these young girls", the thought in my head was, my God, YOU are a young girl. To me, in my 30s, Rihanna is a child. To hear those words coming out of her mouth, born of the way that her life has distanced her from her own youth so hyperfast (through fame and then through having this experience in public) is painful and inspiring. #rihannainterview
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morninggloria
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
I don't think that Chris Brown is "equally" as famous as Rihanna, as Sawyer says in the intro to the interview. Even if he hadn't beaten her and appeared on Larry King Live wearing a bowtie that looked as though it may make a whimsical noise and begin spinning at any moment, he wouldn't be remembered much beyond this decade. What about him is unique? That stupid ass Doublemint Gum-whoring song? He's not revolutionary or cutting edge; Rihanna is. Chris Brown is just a run of the mill sort of okay R&B singer that gives false hopes to American Idol contestants everywhere; Rihanna has this great androgynous vibe and wavering voice that she uses to sing powerful lyrics in a way that's sort of sexy but also a little weird. He's Sisqo; she's Madonna.
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Edited by morninggloria at 11/05/09 9:57 AM morninggloria was starred morninggloria was unstarred

Understater
11/05/09

@morninggloria: He's not revolutionary or cutting edge; Rihanna is.

Um, really? Homegirl makes catchy tunes, but that's pretty much the long and short of it. #rihannainterview
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morninggloria
11/05/09

@Understater: Not everyone is going to agree with me, but I think her voice is unique, her fashion sense is awesome (and weird, but it works for her), and she's a great performer. She doesn't have a voice that's going to blow the lid off of anything, but charisma up to there. Like Madonna. #rihannainterview
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DexterHaven
11/05/09

@Understater: Or, you know, maybe that's just your opinion. #rihannainterview
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Living the Contradiction
11/05/09

@DexterHaven: That is what this site is for, isn't it? Opinions?

morninggloria is entitled to hers, and you to yours. Thanks for stating the obvious. #rihannainterview
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Understater promoted this comment

girlzilla
11/05/09

@morninggloria: when he came on to the scene being as young as he was and as skilled a dancer as michael jackson and usher (clearly artists with sticking power), it was pretty much a given in the hiphop world that Chris was a force to be reckoned with... and other artists were queueing up to collaborate with him as much as with rihanna, and their record sales where pretty much toe-to-toe, so your assessment seems to be purely subjective. theres a reason why people were calling them the prince and princess of r&b... #rihannainterview
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morninggloria
11/05/09

@girlzilla: They were saying awesome things about Tha Thong Song, too, back in the day.

And, like, Ricky Martin and the Latin Music Exxxxxplosion of the late 1990's.

Whatever people were seeing in Chris Brown, I never saw it. Obviously my opinion is subjective, but the slobbering maw of the music press has called 'em wrong before. #rihannainterview
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Understater
11/05/09

@Living the Contradiction: Hearted!

Someone had to say it... #rihannainterview
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Edited by Understater at 11/05/09 10:47 AM Understater was starred Understater was unstarred

HereComesMyBaby
11/05/09

@morninggloria: Dude, I totally forgot Sisqo existed until now! Remember when he was in that movie with Kirsten Dunst? #rihannainterview
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DexterHaven
11/05/09

@Living the Contradiction: Fair enough. But saying 'that's pretty much the long and short of it' isn't stating an opinion, it's slightly obnoxiously calling your opinion a fact. But that's just my opinion - fact! #rihannainterview
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
I heard a couple of bites from the interview on the radio this morning and they were completely heartbreaking. I hope she is in a good place now and has a good support team around her. #rihannainterview
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rd2uk
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
im very impressed/pleased with her, from that short snippet. not that she has to please me, obviously, but im glad that she's taking what seems like a stand agaisnt the fucker. i hope she verbally bitch slaps him in tomorrows bit. #rihannainterview
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J.D.Regent
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
Although the shame and embarrassment she talks about may be related to or exacerbated by her place in the public eye, I also think that they are feelings that almost every survivor experiences. It's pretty amazing that she had the wherewithal to speak publicly about it when she is still in the healing process. It's really inspirational especially by someone so young. #rihannainterview
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Triana Orpheus
11/05/09

@J.D.Regent: I think you just don't want anyone to know. People react so weirdly to victums of abuse and you don't want to "disappoint" anyone. #rihannainterview
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J.D.Regent
11/05/09

@Triana Orpheus: that's true. but doesn't the feeling that you are disappointing someone by surviving such a thing sort of seem to loop back around to the self blame and shame on a certain level? #rihannainterview
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Triana Orpheus
11/05/09

@J.D.Regent: Most definitely. But I imagine that when you get to the point where you escape your abuser, blaming and shaming yourself is pretty much the norm. #rihannainterview
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PennyArcadia
11/06/09

@J.D.Regent: Yes. My admiration for her is off the charts.

I've heard survivors talk about shame. But it's the first time I've heard someone describe the shame like she did when she said she was embarrassed because this was the person she fell in love with who was doing that to her. Something in my head clicked when she said that. While I know that feeling too well, I have never been able to articulate it. #rihannainterview
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BeckySharper
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
Bravo for speaking out so honestly.

I wish Tina Turner would mentor her in the ways of "coming back from abuse even more awesome than before." #rihannainterview
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Flackette Goes Retro
11/05/09

In reply to Rihanna On Chris Brown: "I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing"
"I Fell In Love With That Person — That's Embarrassing."
Oh hon. Been there (for me it was emotional abuse, with a side of sexual manipulation, but no beating - still it sucked). The worst is when people start asking you "How could you have stayed with him? Aren't you smarter than than? What is wrong with you?".
Victim-blaming, always fun! #rihannainterview
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Flackette Goes Retro
11/05/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: (Oh, and I got into a disagreement with my boyfriend last night, who said he viewed it as "emotionally immature" to return to an abuser. Now, my boyfriend is a feminist and a progressive, thoughtful guy. So the fact that he couldn't see how saying that was *not helpful* reminded me how much work we all, as a society, have to do on removing the stigma from victims of relationship violence). #rihannainterview
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Plum-Pie
11/05/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: Fun and helpful! #rihannainterview
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BeckySharper
11/05/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: Yeah, even if he didn't mean to be dismissive or unkind, that's pretty much the definition of "not helpful".

And you know what's really emotionally immature? Hitting people. #rihannainterview
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missing_piece
11/05/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: You know, the people who say this are often the people who go back to self-destructive behavior themselves. Smoking, drunk driving, excessive drinking, drug use, etc. Meanwhile, no one questions them - instead people sympathize with them, and encourage them to go to rehab for their illness, instead of shaming them like they do to victims of domestic abuse.
I know going back to an abuser isn't necessarily an addiction like drinking, smoking or drug use can be, but it's similar because there's some comfort in it, even though in the back of your mind you know it might happen again, but you really think it won't, and that you can make it better.
I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself well, but the double standard regarding certain types of destructive behavior really pisses me off sometimes. #rihannainterview
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Cunning_Linguist
11/05/09

@missing_piece: I get frustrated with that too. It's as if there exists 2 separate lists of destructive behavior: In the first, you're totally the victim, and in the second, you're to blame for whatever befalls you. Drug abuse (bizarrely, to me) falls into that first list, while being the victim of domestic violence lies somewhere between the two when it should be in the first. And that just doesn't make sense to me.

I'm not sure this makes sense, but then again I'm having a wretched day. #rihannainterview
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